Where do the cows go on a Saturday night?

To the mooooovies!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iLccc
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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What does John Wick get told on a Saturday night?

Wick's almost over :/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redpiki
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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They grow up so fast. My son lost his first tooth Saturday night.

He got in a fight with the bouncer at a club.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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I asked my friend if he needed a condom on Saturday night.

He said he had it covered

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewcordray
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2017
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Where do computers like to go on a saturday night?

To the disc-o!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/proxythe1337
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
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John Travolta tested negative for covid last night.

turns out it was just Saturday Night Fever!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iloveoldmonk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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I gave my number to a pirate once.

I'm getting sick of all the booty calls

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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Doctors told John Travolta to quarantine because he might have Covid-19.

Turns out he just had Saturday Night Fever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayingMantis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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John Travolta was hospitalized earlier today for suspected COVID-19.

Doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever and they assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oconnellj4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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american sniper is a musical

My dad and I were arguing whether we were gonna watch American Sniper or Into the Woods. I wanted to watch the former while he wanted to watch Into the Woods.

Eventually, he started to say how Into the Woods was a better musical than what I wanted to watch. I was kinda confused and then he just said,

"How is it not a musical if it's full of violins? Ahe..he..he"

And he smirked and chuckled to himself and I am so mad right now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfanta
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2015
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Groundhog Day

Not completely sure this is a dadjoke but it sure got the same reaction. This happened about two years ago.

My wife used to work nights and on Friday and Saturday after she went to work, my then-12yo son and I would often watch a movie together. Sometimes he picked, usually it was a movie from The List, movies I liked when I was his age, things that shaped my sense of humor. I want him to be able to recognize the stupid quotes and references I throw at him. It’s his cultural education.

So we settled in for Groundhog Day. I’m a sucker for time travel shenanigans. Finished it up, he enjoyed it, and the next morning he was off to Boy Scout camp for a week.

He came back, we’re all excited to see him, and I tell him I got Groundhog Day 2 from Netflix. Threw it in the DVD player and we got about 20 minutes into before he looked at me and said β€œthis is just Groundhog Day all over again, isn’t it? There is no Groundhog Day 2.”

So worth an extra week hanging onto the disc.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shellexyz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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John Travolta started experiencing Coronavirus symptoms.

One Sunday morning, he started having a fever, headache and a cold so he decided to go to the hospital to have himself tested. After the test, he talked with the doctor who told him that he tested negative for Coronavirus - it was just Saturday night fever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrewy211
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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Had to pick myself up off the floor after this one..

So here in the UK we have a game show called the cube were contestants complete challenges to win cash. On Saturday night a contestant came on and she only had one hand. She walked away with Β£20k.

My sister comes out with she has enough money to buy a new hand now and my dad lays this one on us almost instantly

'she'd have to go to a second hand store'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKeenski
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2014
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Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper β€œHere comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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First time dad-joked a friend of mine.

So, last weekend I was on a two days village fair in our neighbourhood with the guys. On saturday, one of them complained about his feet still aching from wearing his new engineer boots the whole friday night AND how he even broke his boot jack at home while taking them off. Took the advantage and said: "Well, you seem to have some trouble with those shoes. Maybe we should send you to a boot camp." Groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ummagumma26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2014
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My theatre dadjoke

So I just realized that my "epic" theatre joke is also a dadjoke.

Now this requires some explaining before I get to the joke. I just completed my 55th theatre production - mostly community theatre; most designing and running sound, but I get on stage sometimes. A decade or so ago, I came up with a terrible pun. Told it, got groans, and promptly forgot about it.

A production or two later, someone said - "Hey, aren't you going to tell your joke?" It took a little prompting to remind me of it. Once I was reminded, I told the joke - to more groans.

I enjoyed the groans so much - and was touched that someone remembered the joke that I'd forgotten. So I did decide it was going to forevermore be: THE JOKE.

So the NEXT production, I started warning people that "The Joke" was coming. One or two remembered the previous time I'd told it, and reacted - "Oh god. Please no."

So now it has truly become a thing. Every production I'm in, I start reminding people that The Joke is coming, and the reactions from those who know the joke really help set up the anticipation.

So finally it happens. Most theatre productions I've been in run Fri-Sat-Sun performances. And thus, as I explain, I can only tell The Joke after the last Friday night's performance ends, and before the last Saturday's performance begins. It shifts if the days are different because The Joke depends on the number of remaining shows.

So, finally that time period comes, and I explain that I can only tell the joke during that time period, only the once per production - from auditions to strike - and that we're in that period of time.... which is known as.... the "cancer period". AND would you like to know WHY this period of time is known as the "cancer period"?

(at which point the tension for the punchline is usually quite palpable)

"Because we have...... TUMOR!" (as I hold up two fingers).

This is usually followed by shouts to "GET OUT!" and threats of violence against my person. hehehe

And the NEXT time, when I start warning that "The Joke" is coming, most of these groan "Oh god... no...." and helps set it up for the next poor bunch of folks who haven't yet heard it. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaacEiland-Hall
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2017
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Designated Driver

I'm not usually one for bars, but since the smoking ban in Illinois, they're not so bad. I'm not much of a drinker either, but this one place in particular offers free soft drinks for designated drivers of groups of three or more. You have to get them from a location separate from the bartender. You declare yourself upon entering the place, then your hand is marked, and from that point, you're not allowed alcohol, but you get the free soft drinks.

Their specialty is their own brand of a mixed fruit drink that's really good. It's popular enough that you're usually standing behind six or seven people to wait your turn. So, Saturday night, while I'm waiting for mine, this cute blonde walks up behind me. I figured I'd try to be witty and asked her, "Can I buy you a drink?"

She scowled at me with, "Well aren't you the funny one?"

"What's with the attitude?" I asked her.

"Sorry," she said. "It's them." And she thumbed toward a table with (would you believe it?) a brunette and a redhead.

"Why?" I asked. "What'd they do?"

"I'm just getting sick of it," she said. "Every time we come here, it's always me in the punch line."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Myntrith
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2015
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The best date ever?

I'm a female and my dad asked what I was doing this past Saturday night.

Me: "I'm going to see that movie Lone Survivor with Mark Wahlberg!" Dad: "Wow! You got a date with Marky Mark? I'm impressed!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClearlyClarified
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
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Girlfriend got me, maybe?

Friday night I came home and found out my dog destroyed my mattress.

Saturday after work we went out and I bought a new one.

Sunday it was delivered. Made the bed, laid on it. She asked me how I liked it and I said I wasn't sure.

"Oh, I guess you have to sleep on it!"... I groaned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wumaduce
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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"Wanna hang out next weekend?"

Said my friend who's a lady.

> Me: Clearing my day-planner for next Saturday night now...

> Friend: Shouldn't you be clearing your night-planner?

<Insert Groaning>

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron1312
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2015
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Sadder-Day

Scene: Party on Friday Night

Him- "Man, today was a sad day…"

Me- "well, tomorrow will be a Saturday"

starts slow clap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TitsMagee1234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
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Astronomy Dad Joke

I was doing some stargazing with my telescope Saturday night, since it was a good time to view Uranus. When I was done, I carried my telescope inside and my brother says "What were you looking for?" I made a point to say it like 'Ur-uh-nus'.

Dad walks into the room as I am leaving and asks my brother what I was looking for. Inevitably, my brother replies 'Ur-ay-nus'.

Dad quips to me down the hall: "Leave your brother alone and look for your own!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kosmosouthern
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2015
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John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night

Turns out it was just saturday night fever

(Taking advantage of a very narrow humour window!)

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoAdenine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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John Travolta was hospitalized for suspected Covid-19 ...

... but doctors have now confirmed that it was only Saturday Night Fever, and they can now assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWulf360
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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