Sala Burton Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

And boy are my arms legs.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Ending the Truth Embargo: the Push for Disclosure

Should we push for the disclosure of extraterrestrial visitations? For millennia man has wondered about his place in the universe. What are we? Where do we come from? And are we alone? These are the questions that have plagued mankind for ages. After careful investigation, it becomes clear that the US government may have had answers to some of these questions since as early as the 1940’s. From multiple cases of crash retrievals to instances of UAP interference with nuclear weapons. Credible researchers, whistle blowers and high-ranking government and military personnel have concluded that there is a major coverup going on. That there has been a long-standing effort to try to conceal the knowledge of an extraterrestrial presence here on earth. It is time to take a serious look at the evidence, go towards where the facts lead and push to end this truth embargo once and for all.

During the end of World War II and the beginning of the Atomic Age, pilots started reporting strange aerial phenomena in the skies. They reported seeing glowing lights or balls of fire, beaming, and pulsating in various colors such as bright orange and red, green and yellow. They were seen by both Allied and Axis forces. The Allied aircraft pilots referred to them as “Foo fighters”. These objects were reported to fly at high speeds, evade radar and exhibit extreme maneuverability. In many cases these balls of light would fly in formation and exhibit some form of intelligent control. Frequently, they would seem to toy with pilots by closing in on their aircraft before disappearing in an instant. One such encounter happened during the night of November 1944 when 3 airmen from the 415th fighter squadron saw “eight to 10 bright orange lights off the left wing... flying through the air at high speed.” (Dickey, 4). When they checked the onboard radar and allied ground control, both showed no indication of what the pilots were seeing. Fearing this could be a German aerial weapon, pilot Lt. Ed Schlueter, repositioned his plane. Before he could finish the maneuver, the lights disappeared. In December of 1944, two more flight crews from the 415th saw similar lights in the sky. One crew reported seeing two orange lights rise from the earth

to about 10,000 ft and then proceeded to follow them. The lights chased the fighter for about 2 minutes and then “Peel off and turn away, fly along level for a few minutes then go out,” according to an art

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

I won't be doing that today!

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

[Removed]

There hasn't been a post all year!

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

You take away their little brooms

And then shook his arm really fast.

(True story, please groan with me.)