S Ii Puns

Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

Its time consuming. (from The Last of Us II)

Or at least that what page 137 figure II part B of my middle school science textbook said.

Anna I. Anna II. Anna I, II, III.

II

You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.

So last night, i proposed to my girlfriend of 7 years. We went to go watch Boyz ii Men out here in Las Vegas. I had purchased the meet and greet package to which the entire show staff and Boyz ii Men were completely aware about what I was about to do.

After I had popped the question, there was silence, Wanya turns over to my girlfriend, and says, "You can say, he's On Bended Knee." I heard my girlfriend silently groan under her breath, before she said YES!

I'm notorious for puns in our relationship, so after he came through with that punchline, she knew that they were in on it too. What an honorable night for a dadjoke!

Photos of the moment here!

http://imgur.com/a/pIO0h

When Harry Met Salad

What About Ke-Bob

Cumin to America

Weekend at Bearneaise II

Steakin I, II, & III

A Few Good Salmon

You’ve Got Kale

Shawshank Re-Dim Sum

Romancing the Scone

An Éclair to Remember

Roman Hollandaise

Glazed and Confused

Bill & Ted’s Eggcellent Adventure

The Evil Bread

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Shrimp

Fondue the Right Thing

Ribeyes Wide Shut

Mignons

Plante of the Grapes

Spider Manchu

Sushis All That

A Wok to Remember

Marsala-la Land

Apocalypse Cow

Die Chard

Die Chard with a Vinaigrette

Hogan’s Gyros

The Sand Latkes

A League of their Macaroni

Revenge of the Curds

Rush S’More

Braising Arizona

Demolition Ham

10 Things I hate About Ewe

Saladin

Oliver and Com-penne

Dirty Rotten Chanterelles

Sex and the Satay

The Truth About Cats & Hotdogs

Morella Enchanted

Provolone Together

Clear and Pheasant Danger

The Big Chili

Lémon: The Professional

Ava-Tartare

Hocous Pocous

High Fi-Deli Meat

Madagascargot

The Fifth Elementos

Muensters Inc.

There’s Something About Rosemary

I Am Ham

Quiche Lorraine Man

Barley & Me

Lentil Giants

Peggy Soufflé Got Married

Face Stroganoff

Con Gruyére

Fast Times at Porridgemont High

Bok Choys in the Hood

Papillonion

Requinoa for a Dream

Serial Cardamom

He said, 'I've got an important job for you. What I need, is for you to find out what two is in roman numerals.'

'II, Captain!' the officer replied.

but i for one, ii for two

Because they have scales

Thanks Dad

As we're driving, we see a Boyz II Men billboard and my mom says something about it. In response, my dad says, "yeah, they used to be called Boys to Men, but now it looks like they're Boys eleven Men."

I was the only one who laughed.

I was helping my Dad unload a trailer at a house he had just bought. Guy from across the street came over and was doing a bunch of random talking. At some point he said he had been in World War II. My Dad said "That's odd. I was in World War II and I don't remember seeing you there."

One day during the middle of World War II Hitler woke up craving a doughnut. He called for one of his soldiers to go retrieve him one. The soldier left before realizing Hitler never told him what kind of doughnut. Not wanting to go back and ask and be punished for taking too long the soldier got a jelly filled and went back. Upon seeing the doughnut, Hitler withdrew his pistol and shot the soldier square in the chest then called in his guards to clean up the body, and sent another soldier off to get a doughnut. Not wanting to be shot like his predecessor, the second soldier got a dozen in a variety and went back. Hitler looked over the box and again withdrew his pistol and shot the soldier. He called in a third soldier and sent him to complete the job the other two had failed. Soon enough, the third soldier had made it there and back. He timidly walked Into Hitlers room and presented him a single doughnut. Hitler looked at it and said "Finally, white powdered!"

My Property II Professor is about 80 years old. Class ends at 7:30. Clock turns to 7:30 and we start packing up. He announces: "I'm going to let you out 45 minutes early today, we'll make it up next time."

He's done this every class now.