Did you know it’s impossible to run in a campground?
You can only ran, it’s past tents.
What do you call it when everyone runs to buy gas?
Me to cop: "You cant arrest me.I have a marathon to run."
Cop: "Stop playing the race card."
Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?
Modern historians call it balderdash.
You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked.
But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking.
Got anxiety and you've run out of things to Fu Man-chew?
If I happened to run into you, and fall on you perpendicularly,
Would you be cross with me?
Did you hear about the Tesla on auto-pilot that tried to run over a cop?
It was charged with battery
Edgar Allan Poe is about to run into a tree. What do you yell at him?
I went camping and a grizzly approached me. I was terrified. I was about to run, but the grizzly stopped and said, “you will die in 10 days.” I replied, “who are you??”
He said, “I hate to be the bear of bad news.”
Did you guys hear about the investment broker that retired to run a celery farm?
It seems he made a killing on the stalk market.
Me: Sir, you can’t give me a ticket for speeding. I am planning to run a Marathon today.
Cop: Stop playing the race card.
If you want to set up a company and run it then
Why do ducks in a lake always fly away when you run up to them?
My dad, to me: "If you ever decide to run around naked on a drunken night, always bring Windex with you."
I asked him what he meant by that.
He said "It prevents you from streaking."
I have to admit I actually genuinely laughed at that one.
Witnessed in the wild, old dude talking to a sick little kid: Did you know that if your nose runs and your feet smell you're built upside down?
What do you call a cantaloupe that runs off to get married?
I like to claim that the Greek Orthodox secretly run the world through its financial networks…For some reason people are ok with that, try putting a different religion in there and suddenly you’re a conspiracy theorist and hate criminal
Those Catholics are real sensitive sometimes
What do you call it when someone of South East Asian heritage needs to run for the bus?
Cricket players involved in match fixing are sure to give you a run for your money.
My dad's amazing driving advice to my sister: "I can replace any mailbox you hit. If you collide with a cop car, I've got a good attorney. If you run over a nun, God will forgive you. But if you hit my truck, you better leave the f***ing country."
What do you call a melon that is unable to run off and get married?
My wife said, "If one day you want to run away, just let me know."
Turns out she meant together.
Studies show you can run 32% farther if you apply a bit of glue to your feet before you run.
It's all about pasting yourself.
Did you hear Kool-Aid Man is going to run for president?
MAKE AMERICA GRAPE AGAIN
Oh yeah
You know how when you put your ear on a hard surface, everything is super loud? Whenever I do it, i immediately need to run to the toilet.
Seems like i have a really bad case of earontable bowel syndrome
You know what they say about the melons that aren't able to run off and get married?
"I'm gonna run to the store, you want anything?" -Me
Dad: Y'know, it'd be quicker if you drove, hur hur!
Or sometimes, Dad: I was gonna ask for ice cream, but if you're not driving, it'll be melted before you get back, hur hur!
Sadly, I've now started saying the first one. <crying>
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