Rose' Puns

For a silent auction for a non-profit I'm helping with they need rose puns/play on words for the packages. It's a wine event as well. Here are some of the ideas I've figured out as well. Whine and Rows? Rose Colored Glasses Rose and Shone

It petaled

..it smells better than real poo.

In a flower bed!

It’s called Buns n Roses

Sorry, I am daltonic.

A beacon, lattice, and tornado sand witch.

Because they were totally in sink with each other.

A Collie-flower!

Which is a lovely name. They could have gone the other way... Hayley Columns

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

“Look at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. “Earth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

“A new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. “Let us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

“I see”, said the student. “It’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

“That’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. “You just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

“Isn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

“Ahm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. “Oh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

“So you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, “Mah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. “And he”, he said, turning to his students, “is clearly the gradi

I learnt that I don’t feel like making a rose garden any time soon.

I see red people

My son asked, “ Why is my name Richard?”

I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'

“Don’t you be dandelion to me!”

No bed of roses

Unfortunately, it just made the world cold and gray...

That’s when I finally realized I’m colorblind

Gluten Tag

They're both flowers.

He was a Sioux chef.

I’m assuming East, otherwise we would be celebrating wester? Asking for a Jewish friend.

…because the other is a buoy ant

It was a real prick job

I took time to smell the flowers.

....Elderflower.

There were other fish in the sea

He needed some more Patients.

Wife: This is a really strange song. I mean do roses even have lips?

Me: No but I know what plant does.

Wife: ?

Me: Tulips.

Mom: "Why are there all these bowls?" Me: "because they are all out of plates."

drops mic

Edit: picks up mic

"I totally meant they are"

drops mic

New Year's Day... The start of a fresh 365 sunrises that symbolize a turning point in lifestyle and spending the entire day recovering from a dreadful hangover. Like many other people in America, this relatively fake holiday is a time that I spend with my family. One of my family's many traditions (alongside annihilating plates of buffalo wings and watching college football until we pass out on the couch) is watching the Rose Parade. At the very beginning of the event, before all of the flower-covered floats and high school bands came marching down the street, there was an introductory ceremony complete with a B-2 stealth bomber flyover. As soon as they passed by, zooming out of the camera's frame, my dad leans in closer to me and says "Well I sure didn't see that coming!"

The ark of the coven ant.

So we're at the football game and it's really bright and hot for the whole first half. At the start of the third quarter, it's getting to be late afternoon and my dad says, "Nice the sun's almost gone."

And I replied, "Actually Dad, I'm gonna stay for the rest of the game."

Miso Thorny

"Why Dad?"

"Cause Jesus a-rose from the dead!"

Tells it every year, reactions have gone from groans to my younger brother throwing himself to the ground.

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

Uuuuuuuugggggghhhhh

... huh. I didn't see that coming.