Wife: I love you darling, but I can't stand your obsession with Irish rock-bands.

Husband: I love U2!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2022
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I love 90’s rock; I was listening to some Pearl Jam and realized

that it doesn’t get Eddie Vedder than this.

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cigarandcreamsoda
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2021
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Son, I love you, and I think you rock

But I promise I will never take you for Granite again

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M0ral_Supp0rt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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I love listening to 90's rock on my Dr. Dre headphones!

It really Beats the Alternative!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bilzar1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2015
🚨︎ report
A couple I know who loved rock climbing together just filed for divorce.

In the end, they repelled each other.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2022
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My friend got a job in a factory that makes Dracula figurines.

There’s only one other coworker on that line, so he has to make every second count.

πŸ‘︎ 630
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmOnlyHalfAsGood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2022
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Rocks that hit planets are called meteorites.

Rocks that miss are called meteowrongs.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dickcheney600
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2022
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Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother

… Sudden Lee

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raw_Rain
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2022
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Ducks love raw potatoes and will attempt to unearth them with their bill. Enthusiastically mistaking rocks for potatoes can cause damage leaving them...

debillatated

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stroger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why I love rocks?

They’re very sedimental to me.

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpetsnazUnit18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A weasel waddles into a bar. The bartender asks, β€œwhat’ll you have?”

β€œPop,” goes the weasel.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coffee-and-chess
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2022
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I want to open a pub for dads for are into old rock music and dad jokes

I will call it β€œThe house of the rising pun”.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Italiankeyboard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2022
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geology rocks

But geography is where it's at.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2022
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Will Smith must be great at metal works.

Because he is a Blacksmith

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RinXcrimson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gun loving, Christian rock band?

Guns N' Moses

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigFlem
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
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How do you measure the magnitude of the pun in a dad joke?

With a sighsmograph

Edit: Wow, you guys, Thank-you the the awards and upvotes. If only my family appreciated this joke as much as you do!

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/massassi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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My dad love dadjokes. Even in text form he rocks it.
πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IRISistable
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2013
🚨︎ report
Why did the mushroom go to the party

He was a fungi

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Borgir
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2022
🚨︎ report
The Moon is made of Cheese

On holiday in a French supermarket I told my 10 year old son that β€œthe moon is cheese” of course not true.

Then I told him that only roquefort cheese has a tiny bit of moon rock in it because NASA thought it would be a great joke and bought some moon dust back and the French government loved the idea.

My son of course was doubtful ( we adopted him age 9 and a year was enough to know I could not always be trusted).

Sensibly he went to check with his science teacher - who confirmed the incredible fact!!

P.S yes I’m evil, but his teacher rocked, and our son carried on with his love of science.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WoofyChip
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2022
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Which rock star loves bouillon cubes?

David Lee Broth.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seasofcheese929
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2012
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Do you want hair, with more volume?

πŸ”ˆπŸ”‰πŸ”Š πŸ“£HAAAAIIIIIRπŸ“£

πŸ‘︎ 318
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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Introducing Old Music to Young Kids

My husband and I were playing classic rock on YouTube one day, trying to introduce our boys to music we loved growing up. A song by The Doors comes on and my husband says "I love The Doors!" To which our 11yo replies, "Yeah, especially the sliding glass ones."

We almost didn't catch it. He brings it up about once a month now.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lady_Teio
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef

A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef. He invites 3 renowned chefs from all over the kingdom to serve him and the favorite will become the new royal chef!

The first chef serves the king an enormous rack of ribs. "Very impressive," said the king.

The second chef serves a huge steak, cooked to perfection. "So satisfying," said the king.

The third chef gives the king a plate with small rocks on a bed of shredded cabbage. "What the hell is this," the king asks.

The third chef says, "These rocks fell from the sky into my back yard. Indeed, ribs and steak are very meaty, but asteroids are meteor!"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ppardee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I work at Google...

Ran into my dad when I was out and about with a friend. We sat down for a drink and conversation somehow turned to our respective work places. My friend says "I work at Google and there...". My dad interrupts him and legit goes "Really?! You work at Google? I Google at work!" with this stupid grin on his face.

I could hear loudly my friend's silent groan :)

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bustcratch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Lily's fatal Greek mythology school play.

Lily liked Greek mythology a lot. Her favorite character was the titaness Rhea. She loved the story about her outsmarting Cronus with a stone in order to get her children back. She loved it so much in fact, that for the sake or realism, she decided to eat some rocks too for the upcoming school play she took part in! But, very soon after going onto the stage, poor Lily started convulsing on the floor. It was a poor decision to eat the stones. She knew that. But at least, she could die a Rhea.

.
.
.
I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrotherTausil
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Geology class

My favorite class is geology. I love that class. Geology rocks.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/It_Tyler
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, β€œDo you want a lift”. β€œNo thanks”, they replied, β€œWe’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said β€œthat’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said β€œstore in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says β€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says β€œI’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say β€œOLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
🚨︎ report
NEW!! Celebrity Fun in the Pun candle line!

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the β€œI wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL that the band RUSH has a huge following in the Czech Republic.

Turns out they really love their Prague Rock.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/troylajambe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
🚨︎ report
The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
🚨︎ report
I hope when an actor retires they start making music.

Cause I'd love to hear some Rock covers

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sub03
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Watching the Oscars...

Jimmy Kimmel: "Let me introduce a former Pro Wrestler who is now one of the highest paid actors in America... The Rock"

Girlfriend: "Oh I love The Rock! Who doesn't love the Rock?!"

Me: "The Scissors..."

Girlfriend: -_- "I hate you."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skyman1122
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad sprung this one on me during a movie.

The family is watching a movie together, and a scene comes on with a boy standing on some train tracks using a plank and rock to pretend he's playing baseball. The following exchange occurred:

Me: "He shouldn't be playing on the tracks. He could get hurt." Dad: "He's training."

I love this man.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LunarDrop
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2014
🚨︎ report
My fiancΓ© just busted out this gem...

We have a ten week old son and his humor has gotten lamer and lamer by the day. We moved our coffee table out of the way to vacuum and I said, 'It would be really cool to just put a giant love sack there instead of a table' (a love sack is one of those giant bean bag chairs).

He looked at me and without missing a beat belts out 'Cuz a loooove sack, is a little old place where....we can sit to-getherrrrrrr.' Laughs at his own joke... All the way up the stairs.

And it begins.

TL;DR Rock lobster

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaps84
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
🚨︎ report
Dads take on vegetable based rock bands

This is an older story, I think it was roughly 98 or 99. My little brother was getting into rock and was listening to Limp Biskit and Korn. He saved up some money to get a CD so my dad took him to Sam Goody. My little brother gets the newest hit record by Korn and brings it to the counter and check out. With my dad by his side, he places the record on the counter and the late nineties rocker chick, loaded up with tons of eye liner and hot topic wear working the cash register says "oh yeah! I love Korn, I know everything about them, I have all their records." Without a fucking second thought and the straightest face, my dad says "I guess that makes you a little corny."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LDdesign
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad's top 3 weird quotes/jokes
  1. Anytime anything rattles he says "that sounds like 2 skeletons making love in a biscuit tin."
  2. Any beeping, anywhere, ever, he grabs his chest and says "is that my pacemaker?"
  3. And the most awkward (he regularly says this) "I believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll... well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad." Then he sneers. Smugly. Every. Time.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IanWoansBatCave
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
🚨︎ report

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