A list of puns related to "Ridiculous Jokes"
A few years ago, my dad and I were building an addition onto his house. He rented a tool from the hardware store and had to return it, so he asked me to come with him and we would get some breakfast. There was a Burger King nearby, so we decided to stop there to eat.
When we go to the drive-through, we realize the restaurant was closed down, so he drove around the building to get back on the highway. As we were passing the dumpsters, he stopped the car, backed it up, and pointed towards the ground near the dumpster. I looked for a few seconds, trying to see what he was pointing at.
Then... I saw it.
It was a giant, 12+ inch black dildo, standing upright next to the dumpster. It propped itself up on its fake dildo balls, gently swaying in the breeze.
I was astonished. I couldn't even imagine what events in the universe had to line-up so as to end up with that giant dildo meticulously placed next to the dumpster at a closed-down Burger King. I couldn't even begin to fathom why it was there.
My dad, with perfect timing, then shouted "GAY TIMES WILL BE HAD TONIGHT!" and sped out of the parking lot.
We ended up going to Denny's.
Friend: -Sighs-
Me: -AGGRESSIVELY LOUD SIIIIIIIIIIIGH-
Friend: "The heck was that?"
Me: "I heard you were sighin', so I thought I'd join you and go super sighin.
(Dragonball Z joke with Saiyans)
Background to this joke: Took me years to get the perfect setup for this joke. Needed a bunch of friends present for maximum groans/laughs, needed to remember to do it, and needed friend to sigh and follow up to my ridiculous-ness. It was one of my most satisfying jokes I've told.
Date: So, what do you do?
Me: * holds up menu * you just pick one from this picture book of meals.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef!
What do you call a cow after it gives birth? De-calf-enated!
Did you hear about that cow that jumped over a barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction.
(After they beg you to stop, hit them with: "Ok, it's time too mooooove on to some different jokes. These cow jokes are getting udderly ridiculous.")
It was the pot calling the cattle back
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE
It's a running joke.
Happy Father's Day to all Dads that make us laugh with their ridiculous jokes!
Me: how was class?
Her: alright we talked about soil. The entire lecture was on soil. How it is made, what contributes to good soil quality. And we learned the twelve categories of soil. Couldn't have been more boring.
Me: boring? Sounds pretty down to earth to me.
Her: haha that's was ridiculous
Me: what, should of I went with a dirtier joke?
We have to buy so much milk in our household because I'm such a serial dad joker. Amongst all my friends and family, even at my wedding, it was noted about my bad jokes. My wife of one week tolerates my humour, but doesn't ever attempt to play along with dad jokes or make any of her own. Point is - I'm not used to hearing her say one.
Today, sitting at a bar on our honeymoon I commented about how "these selfie sticks are becoming ridiculous. Everyone seems to have one now. It's stupid"... Only for her to reply with..."I know it's seriously getting out of hand".
I lost my shit and freaked out. She got scared cause she thought something bad happened...I'm like "did you seriously not just hear yourself. I'm not even mad that was amazing".
She just rolled her eyes.
Wife: Hey, your sister's wedding is coming up, what do you wanna get her for a gift?
Me: I have no idea. What do you think she'd like?
Wife: Well, she mentioned to your mom that she could really use a comforter for their new bedroom set
Me: A comforter? Oh, yeah, I got that covered.
Wife: You do?
Me: Yeah! Starts rubbing her arm gently
Wife: Wh-what.. are you doing?
Me: shhhhh... it's okayyyy.
Wife: What? What're you doing?
Me: Being a comforter!
(This was before we got married, and she still brings it up to this day for being the most ridiculous dad joke she's ever heard.)
They both started as a joke but ended up finding success by being ridiculously bad
There's no whey they could have that much protein
You curdnt make a worse joke
Gordon rennet
I'm gonna loose my rind soon
Ewe, these puns are udderly ridiculous
You're milking it for all its worth
There's been a real montery lack of jokes recently
There's a real lactose of jokes recently
These jokes are starting to grate on me now
These jokes aren't gouda
Are you gonna put these on rennet?
I can't breelieve you're still making jokes
Dad, it's your turn, though you should have made a joke whey back
edayumDayumDAAAYUM
How much cheddar is the bill gonna be?
Hope these jokes made you truckle!
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
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