It was only collecting dust.
Girlfriend- Do you have any cold medicine? I really hope you do.
Me- I'm so sorry but I think all the medicine I have is room temperature.
Boom. Melted her face.
edit. Damn you swypos
Shortcake
(Sorry, I needed a cake related joke for my first year on reddit)
EDIT: For peoples saying elves aren’t small, I’m referring to the type of elf that would work for santa, not lord of the rings. I’m sure you get the idea.
Me: You got the goods?
Dealer: I have an alloy of iron and carbon for only $1.
Me: My, what a steel!
Guy: Hey, wanna hear my joke?
Boxer: I dunno, man. People always say I ruin their punchline.
Teacher: What are the four components of DNA?
Student: Actually, there are five: Adenine, cytosine, guanine, thymine--
Teacher: Oh? And the fifth one?
Student: I got I got I got I got...
Me (metric): Why does America use the imperial system? It's stupid.
Friend (imperial): Actually, other places use the imperial system.
Me: Which other places?
Friend: The Galactic Empire.
Guy: I hate spam.
Me: I like sushi.
Me: I like sushi.
Me: I like sushi.
...
Someone: Son of a gun...
Someone Else: Now you've just pistoled me off!
Okay, I know these are not the greatest puns ever, but this is my first post in this subreddit. Anyway, now here are the explanations:
Joke 1 - An alloy of carbon and iron is popularly referred to as steel, and stainless steel costs $2.41, in which the item receives a 58.51% reduction in cost, which is a mighty bargain, also known as a steal.
Joke 2 - Boxing is a sport in which your only goal is to knock your opponent out through a series of punches. The ending or twist of a joke is commonly referred to as the punchline of said joke.
Joke 3 - Check out Kendrick Lamar's DNA song.
Joke 4 - Troops and personnel of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars are commonly referred to as the Imperials.
Joke 5 - Spam musubi, or just spam, is a type of sushi. On the internet, spam is referred to as the repetition of a specific message, especially when emailing, to annoy or advertise a product/website to someone.
Joke 6 - The phrase, "Son of a gun", is a friendlier alternative to the phrase, "Son of a bitch!" Also, when you annoy someone, that means that you pissed them off, which sounds a bit like "pistoled".
At my parent's house for father's day and my dad was reminiscing about his old neighborhood, referring to St. Louis Park, MN as 'St. Jewish Park'.
Me: It was called St. Jewish Park?
My Dad: Yep, there was a Rosenblum on every corner.
(we're jewish... so that doesn't make it nearly as anti-semitic as it sounds now as i type it out)
