was just reading a post and thought of this. . .Who was the most expensive of King Arthur's knights?

Surcharge.

Ok I did see it somewhere, but really, I was reading a post and it just came to me. 😁

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πŸ‘€︎ u/carpetony
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2022
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I joined this sub a few months ago, and I really enjoy reading your submissions and posting my own. I've come to think of all of you like family.

Mostly because, like my family, y'all don't laugh at my jokes either.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2022
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I read 10 posts in here to see if they would make me laugh

No pun in ten did

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StochasticTinkr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2022
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Better sit down..
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WillowZX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2022
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I read the list of rules and I think this is OK to post here

if i reddit right

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πŸ‘€︎ u/than-q
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2022
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A hyper sexual man with four testicles goes into surgery to get one of his testicles neutered to lower his testosterone and calm him

The surgeon start the procedure and asks "Hey redditor reading this post, what do you think of the r/dadjokes subreddit?"

The man is really confused and asks "what are you doing?"

The surgeon says "Breaking the fourth ball"

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2022
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Apparently not a joke

I'm a son without a father... I lost him a few days ago to a heart attack and I just... can't stop crying

We both used to check out this sub daily for amazing dad jokes and laugh at them together... We'd try to form our own stupid stuff

I used to wake up for college early in the morning I'd cook some breakfast for him get ready and before leaving I'd wake him up and tell him a stupid dad joke... I'd want to see him start his day with a smile

I just want to thank you all in this sub for giving me and my dad happiness your jokes made us laugh at our worst times

Out of habit I keep getting up to go to his room with a dad joke... Only to see it empty

I'm never gonna get to mess around with my dad again... I'm never going to hang out with him again he's not going to be there to see me grow up and buy a house of my own ... He's not going to see me buy a car of own ... He's not going to see me get married... He's gone forever and I will never get to start my day with a smile again from a silly dad joke with him

He wasn't the greatest dad but he certainly was the best I could ever ask for ... I will miss you dad

Thank you r/dadjokes to all the amazing dads here and their funny and stupid jokes

Edit : thank you so much dad's for your overwhelming support I love you guys and I just want to take a moment to thank all the people here who shared their experiences as well of having lost a parent... Your story inspires me to continue forward with the torch

Also I'm seeing quite a few comments saying the post is not funny and that they came for a laugh... I'm truly sorry about that, I just really wanted to honor my dad in this sub since we spent so much time together here scrolling for jokes and I needed the push from you dads to get back on my feet

I'm never going to be the same that's for sure knowing a peice of me has been lost forever... The void will never be filled in my heart But your support is just what I needed, once again thank you dads I love you

Edit 2: thank you so much dads for your overwhelming support I know I haven't been able to respond to all the dms and messages here but I've been reading them all and it's just made me smile in the worst Thank you dads you guys are the best

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πŸ‘€︎ u/farzad6969
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2022
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My kids started reading /dadjokes and stopped because I had never posted anything

They won’t read any father

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bostoneight
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2022
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Had the best spur of the moment joke tonight.

Spilled red wine all over my side-couch table and the book I was reading. My sister in law (over for the holidays) grabbed the book, (already soaked with Cabernet) I told her β€œyou can keep it, but it’s already half RED” I was so proud of myself but got not a single chuckle. I knew this was the place to report my major dad joke accomplishment. Edit*

By the way, I work in hospice and the book was β€œ β€œBeing Mortal” by Atul Gawande. It’s an amazing read for anyone facing end of life. If it is you, or someone you love. Not to abuse my post,but it’s a best read! I am in no way associated or benefiting from any sales of this book.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Callmechampion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2022
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My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall

But it was his own dumb asphalt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mommyof4Kings
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2022
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A word riddle.

Only word in English that is plural/masculine that if you add an 'S' becomes singular/feminine

(Sorry I don't have a pun to go with this, but I did tell this to my daughter yearons ago)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtnbkr9900
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2022
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Thank you for sharing that article about dietary fiber.

It was a little hard to digest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jester57
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2022
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A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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What did the Mexican fire fighter name his twin sons?

JosΓ© and Hose B.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrHoleStuffer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2022
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Not a joke. But I wish it was.

I am not a dad. I am a daughter. For longer than I can remember, I have called my dad at "too early" times in the morning, woke him up, and told him a joke. This was a daily occurrence. Hence how I found this sub.

My dad died on Monday. You guys helped me wake him up with laughter so many times and I got to hear him laugh every day. Thank you r/dadjokes.

Edit: spelling

Wow I really did not expect so many people to see this post or to take the time to comment and reach out to me. Thank you all so much for your thoughts and kind words. It really means a lot. This is a great community and I'm so glad to have found it. As a mom to two beautiful little jokesters, I will absolutely continue pestering them with daily jokes and keep the tradition and the laughter alive.

For those asking, his favorite jokes were the really long ones that took forever to tell and had bad/ the best punchlines. The one that immediately sticks out was posted here either Sunday or Monday and was the last one I got to tell him. I will see if I can find it and figure out how to link. It was about a farmer who really loved tractors.

Thank you to the kind redditors who found it for me.

https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/slwg7y/bit_of_a_story_to_this_one_but_well_worth_the_read/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndiPandi92
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2022
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My sandwich didn't read my post but,

My SUBREDDIT

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πŸ‘€︎ u/punnycobi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
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[MOD POST] Hunting for an additional moderator. Read and apply within.

EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.

( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )

Hey everybody,

The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.

Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.

You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.

That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.

So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.

Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:

  • You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
  • You have a good sense of humour
  • You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
  • You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
  • You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
  • You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
  • You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
  • Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required

Here's what I am not looking for:

  • Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
  • An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
  • A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say

If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
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Is England well organ-ized?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2022
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A friend posted a pic of her at the Hollywood Bowl and the big screens read β€œFree Wi-Fi”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squirrelboii
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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Did you hear about the sprinkler who won the irrigation tournament?

It was the raining champion!

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2022
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R.I.P. dear druggist
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2022
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I wrote a book about reverse psychology…

Don’t buy it.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JrClocker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2022
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I met a magical genie once. He gave me one wish. I said "I wish I could be you"

The genue saud, "weurd wush but U wull grant ut."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheChuckleKnuckle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2022
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I read a very interesting ancient Egyptian blog post describing the embalming process

It was on Tombler.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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What does a window feel when you hit it?

Window pain

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/equaltojelly_8942
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2022
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Merry Christmas all, but I’m just livid right now. My uncle bought a couple hundred T-Rex figures to donate to a child outreach center in Toronto and ended up busted by customs driving into Canada.

Turns out they’re not too keen on small arms trafficking.

πŸ‘︎ 401
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2021
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I love to read my dad posts from this sub. He says I'll be a great dad.

This picture says otherwise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jack-of-the-woods
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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How Do Trees Check Their Email?

They Log On

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Few_Cloud_3868
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2022
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FancyAlligator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2022
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Many guillotine victims had their head

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 163
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PedrinhoGMP
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2022
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Is it wrong to hate a certain race?

... don't get me wrong... I don't mind the 5k... but the 10k is just way too much.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicGuy66
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2022
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Reading all these posts makes me go numb...

But reading mathematics puns makes me go even number

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WonderfulComment
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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Help! I can't read anyone's posts!

I never learned sign language.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devex123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I was reading posts off this sub to my dad, and he sarcastically said, "do you know what's better than reading reddit? having it read to you." I replied,

"well, this way you don't have to have read-it."

(this genuinely happened about a minute ago, he actually left the house)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeliriusBlack
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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A nuclear power plant put up a new sign outside that read, "Post your positive reviews of us on social media!"

They were just fission for compliments.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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I’ve got a joke for all you mind readers out there

i hope you don't mind

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ztaker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2022
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My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit, so I told her that they...

/r/DadJokes

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2022
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There were two astronauts having coffee, one of them was complaining about not being able to use milk.

The other astronaut said, "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."

πŸ‘︎ 256
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Revegelance
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2022
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I need a new butt.

Mine has a crack in it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EverySingleMinute
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2022
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Someone keeps leaving a little lego piece at my front door everyday

I don't know what to make of it.

(Not mine, I read it somewhere on the internet. Never saw it posted here, so I thought I'd share it.)

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2022
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Read a joke about recursion that was so bad I had to post it here
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/osm0sis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

NOTE - there is another posting for this joke that incorrectly reads "...to screw in a light bulb"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uglypaperhaver
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2022
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When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo…

I had to put my foot down

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBaczuk
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2022
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