One is hare-ier than the other!

I don’t carrot all.

A barberqueue

WAITER: are you ready to order

DAD: i'll have the rabbit stew

WAITER: only if you promise not to say "waiter there's a hare in my soup" after i bring it

DAD:

WAITER:

DAD: i'll have the chicken

He got rabbits tattooed on his head so from a distance they looked like hares.

So this is a true story, and maybe I’ll go to hell for telling it, but I expect I’ll meet the actual perpetrator there:

At baseball practice last night, a coach asked if I’d seen the rabbit — the dead one. What? He had me look by a fence where there wasn’t a dead bunny, but HALF of one: Literally (and eerily) just the bottom half, with the top completely missing. Still shuddering over this.

Properly disposed of it and was feeling unsettled, but sprung right back to true dad form when he jokingly accused me of harming the rabbit. I told him that he knew it couldn’t have been me — I’ve never been one to split hares

The rabbit says, “I think I might be a typo.”

So from a distance it looks like hares

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

Person 1: What is your opinion on that one classic pulling the bunny out of the hat trick?

Person 2: I think raises some hare-raising questions.

P1: How so?

P2: It just begs the question of how it affects the rabbits themselves. After all, the magicians were pulling them out without a carrot the world.

P1: You raise at interesting point.

P2: We all know it's because of the secret compartment, you know? And, to minimize the suspiciousness of the hat, the compartment is as small as possible?

P1: Yes

P2: It must be very uncomfurtable to be in that space, and then be grabbed by the ears and raised high in front of a crowd. Like, don't get me wrong, I love magic tricks, but I wand to specify that i honestly feel that this trick in particular is quite inhumane.

I'm at a restaurant with my family and the waitress come to take our order. I get the rabbit stew and 20 minutes later, she brings it by. As she puts the dish down, my dad looks at her straight in the eye and says, " there seems to be a hare in that", while pointing at my dish. It took her a second, but as she got it.

The server drops the rabbit stew off at my table and starts walking away.

I call him back and say, "There's a hare in my stew."

Great! Because even doe they're coney, I'm a rabbit fan of a really bunny jokr. Sorry if it bugs you, but they make me hoppy and I hope they multiply.

I'm all ears whenever I hare one, br'ers nothing better. If I had burrowed a buck fur every one that's cotton me to chuckle I could buy a 10 carrot ring just in case my brother Jackelopes.

Shoot, I can't remember what the joke was now...

Oh well, Lettuce leaf it there, I've got to bounce over to IHOP for lunch.

Him: Is there any tattooists in town? Me: Fairly sure there is one guy about 10 minutes out...? Him: Oh good! 'Cause I want him to tattoo a rabbit on the top of my head. Me: ..Why...? Him: 'Cause then someone might mistake it for a hare!

He giggled his way out

During our bedtime routine, my son grabbed an old stuffed rabbit to bring to bed.

7-“Daddy, I’m going to roll Fluffer (the rabbit) into a ball tonight.” Me-“Ok” 7-“So he will look like a hair ball” Me-“What?” 7-“Because a hare is short for bunny rabbit.”

So proud of him. So disappointed in myself for not getting the joke.

In rapid succession this morning to entertain our 6-week-old, my wife says:

2 deer walk into a bar and order drinks. The bartender says, "That will be 2 bucks."

A giant duck walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry no large bills."

2 rabbits are eating at a restaurant. One jumps into the other one's soup. The second one calls the waiter and complains, "There's a hare in my soup."

Driving yesterday when a rabbit ran across the highway.. I joking said to my wife, I almost ruined Easter, I almost ran over the Easter Bunny. My 16 year old chimed in... nah dad you missed it by a hare.

The waitress asked which one I liked better. I pointed to the rabbit dish and said, "This one, by a hare".

True story.

I've been flying out of O'Hare Airport in Chicago, and I park in the economy lot. A section of the lot is just completely infested with rabbits. I was pulling into the section and 5 rabbits run accross the aisle, and I think to myself "That must be why they call this O'HARE Airport!" Unfortunately I was alone.

Dad calls me up: "Hey, son, what do you call a thousand rabbits standing abreast and jumping backwards? It's a receding hare line."

I can practically hear the look on my dad's face over the phone.

My mom recently got a pet rabbit. He is starting to blow his coat, and I asked "he won't be naked will he?" Which prompted my dad to say "No, he will still have a 'hare.'

Working as a waiter, I have a couple of wonderful/awful/wonderfully awful jokes when customers place an order. For example...

"Can I please have the rabbit pasta?"

"Oh I'm not sure I'd recommend that, there have been numerous complaints about a hare in their food."

And for the steaks...

"How would you like that cooked?"

"Well done."

"Thanks, but I'm just doing my job."

I either get laughs, confused looks or groans; most of the time I get a combination of the three. But since I'm childless (19 seems a tad young) I have to get my dad jokes out somehow.

My mom and I are making plans to see Zootipia and my mom tells my dad he might like it since it's animated. I tell him it's about a rabbit and a Fox detectives, but I can't remember what crime their solving. So my dad says "well, it must be something hare-y!" Cue eye roll and groan.

I saw a guy with a tattoo of some rabbits on his bald head, when I asked him why, he said, "From a distance they look like hares."

Golfing with my dad, hit a nice shot that rolls just by the hole.

Me: Missed that one by a hair!

Dad: I don't see any rabbits out here.

He thinks he's hilarious. Follows it up by showing me a birthday card he received earlier that day which was his "inspiration" The card shows a gray rabbit on the front, inside it says: another year, another gray hare.

Killin me

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

Because, from a distance, they'll look like hares.

It died, but just by a hare.

DAD: I’ll have the rabbit stew

WAITER: only if you promise not to say “waiter there’s a hare in my soup” after I bring it

...

DAD: I’ll have the chicken

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

He couldn’t pull a rabbit out a hat but he could pull a hare out his arse

What do you call three rabbits in a row hopping backwards?

A receding hare line.

What do you call a camel with no hump?

Humphrey.

Love ya dad.

I was fixing my bike when my dad turns to me and says, " we need you to get a chopped rabbit " "What?!" I reply " you know, a HARE cut" He then said, " What do you call a row of rabbits walking backwards, a receding hare line" -_-