I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.

It really came out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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I once dated a girl that had a twin. . .

People always asked how I could tell them apart but it was pretty easy.

Jessica had purple fingernails, James had a dick.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BenFranksta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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Did you hear that all cats have the same favorite color?

Yep. Apparently it's purple.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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I just went the doctors, turns out I’m colourblind

The results came completely out of the purple!

πŸ‘︎ 403
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out I’m colorblind.

The news was a bolt from the purple!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Just some jokes about colours

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

  • a carrot

What’s brown and sounds like a bell?

  • dung

What’s green and smells like red paint?

  • green paint

Whats red and bad for your teeth

  • a brick

I was diagnosed with colour blindness today,

  • I tell you, that came right out of the purple.

Colours making a phone call... Green green, green green....Yellow!

What colour is the wind

  • blew

What’s grey and can’t fly

  • a car park
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djgw88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
13 of my BEST Jokes

I used to be addicted to soap but ... I am clean now.

I am addicted to brake fluid but ... I can stop anytime.

If you are attacked by a group of clowns ... go for the juggler.

I just moved and IMMEDIATELY after we move in he starts banging on my door every night yelling at me ... coincidentally I just happen to be playing my drums those nights so I could easily tune him out.

I was just diagnosed with colorblindness ... It came right out of the purple.

I failed math so many times at school ... I can’t even count.

Once i threw a boomerang, it never came back, ... Now I live in CONSTANT fear

When life gives you melons ... you might be dyslexic.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline ... She hit the ceiling!

There are 3 types of people in this world, those who can count ... and those who can't

They say three out of five people suffer from diarrhea ... so ... does that mean two out of five enjoy it?

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toydles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Purple

Son: what rhymes with purple Dad: no it doesn't

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jack_Forrest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Hospital Visit

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said.

Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the best color in the entire world?

Hy-purple-y!

Made up by my 7-year old daughter. So proud

Edit: should have spelled it hy-purple-e

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beetlebath
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife made me proud with this one

Browsing a webshop selling dried flowers together she picked some purple ones. I noticed they weren't available anymore. Wife: "they must have dried out".

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boetzie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A Joke for the Hard of Hearing

A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, "That's amazing. Where did he come from?" The friend pulls out an old lamp and tells him the genie inside will grant him one wish. The man rubs the bottle, and to his amazement, a puff of purple smoke spews out and slowly collects in the form of a genie. In a booming voice the genie tells the man he has but one wish. The man thinks and says, "I wish I had a million bucks." All of a sudden the bar is filled with ducks, bursting from the door and the windows, standing on top of the bar, dunking their heads into people’s drinks. β€œWhat just happened?!” the guy asks. His friend replies, "I know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cool-kid103
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I have just been diagnosed as being color blind.

I know, I know, it’s certainly come out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokesig
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
🚨︎ report
priding this one because it actually happened to me today and I just birthed this dad joke about 5 minutes ago.

After months of wanting a Purple highlighter for my desk, I finally found one.

It was the highlight of my day.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonicDooscar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you know if you have alzheimers?

You Google "how do you know if you have alzheimers" and the top response is purple.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Purtassium
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Matriarchs

What would you call a purple woman who is the matriarch of her family?

Ma Genta.


What do you call a matriarch in a family who is excellent at hunting waterfowl?

A mother ducker.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out I'm colorblind.

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just been diagnosed as color blind

It really came out of the purple

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I was just diagnosed as colourblind

You know, it really came out of the purple

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TitaniumPeak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out I'm colorblind.

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Color Blind

I have recently been diagnosed with color blindness. It really came out of the purple.

Don’t hurt me.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/420_coolguy_69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I just found out I'm colorblind

It totally came out of the purple...

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Afalafgaming
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I just found out I’m colorblind.

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 304
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TomDaNub3719
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I was diagnosed as colorblind yesterday

It came completely out of the purple

πŸ‘︎ 168
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lordranch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently found out I was colorblind

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple :D

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrogOnACouch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Conversation

Son: what rhymes with purple Dad: No it doesn't

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Numbnipples4u
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I was diagnosed as colour blind today.

It really came out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/camocase
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm just found out I'm color blind.

The news came completely out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I just got diagnosed as color blind

It really came out of the purple

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/levihulsdigity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently found out I’m colorblind

It hit me one day just out of the purple

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShirtyManhole
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I just found out I’m colour blind.

The diagnosis came out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/khanglikestowin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I just found out I am color blind.

It came right out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 352
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gregarious119
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I just found out I'm colorblind.

That really came up out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dumb-reply
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I never knew I was colorblind

Until one day it hit me out of the purple

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kalebsantos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I found out I'm colorblind

The diagnosis came out of the purple

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wo1fx
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me I'm colour blind

It totally came out the purple....

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/matthammond90
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve just been diagnosed as colorblind.

It certainly came out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 114
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhaddupNerd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Recently found out I was colour blind.

All this time, I had no idea! It came right out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prendrefeu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I just got diagnosed as colorblind.

It really came out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/saltykid1234
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me I’m colorblind

Yeah. It really came out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1964110084
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I find out that was color blind today.

The news came right out of the purple!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I just found out that I'm colorblind

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vibronicpoppy82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
🚨︎ report
My doctor just told me I'm colorblind

Wow, that came out of the purple!

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Philboyd_Studge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I was diagnosed as being colour blind the other day

It came right out of the purple

πŸ‘︎ 108
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteStarfish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
🚨︎ report

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