My history professor's pun (xpost from r/funny)
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︎ Dec 14 2017
What did the maths professor do when he became constipated?
He worked it out with a pencil.
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︎ Oct 30 2020
[need for help] Pun experts, share the best pun you know about academia/professors/education/writing for grants. Any help deeply appreciated!
EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short
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︎ Sep 19 2020
I used to date a professor
Now i just called him " Professor X"
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︎ Oct 15 2020
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No Time.β
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︎ Aug 30 2020
My calculus professor was 16 minutes late for the first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.
At this rate, he will never be there on time.
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︎ Jun 20 2020
My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.
You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.
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︎ Jul 27 2020
Professor dint have this planned
Me: I am planning to start a cider business
She: any alternative plans if it doesn't work out?
Me: I haven't decidered yet!
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︎ Jul 06 2020
An English professor was telling his class that a double negative makes a positive, but there was no case in which a double positive creates a negative.
From the back of the room a Physics professor said, "Yeah, yeah."
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︎ Aug 14 2020
I still remember the moment when my math professor told us what the square root of -1 was.
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︎ Jun 25 2020
To make extra money, my professor forces all the students to buy his book at the beginning of the term.
Itβs textbook Economics.
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︎ Jul 13 2020
The professor had used the entire blackboard for the lecture
The blackboard is now chalk-full of information
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︎ Jul 27 2020
After the events of Avengers: Endgame, Professor Hulk opened a custom woodworking business
It was called Bruce Banisters
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︎ Jun 18 2020
Chemistry professor: It is impossible to be both acidic and basic at the same time.
White girl in the back: Hold my pumpkin spice latte.
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︎ Jun 26 2020
"I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework." Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, "Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?"
"Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes."
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︎ Apr 25 2020
A man asks a professor, "Do you think Einstein's theory was good?"
The professor replies. "Relatively."
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︎ Apr 18 2020
My professor puts jokes on the board before class
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︎ May 08 2019
Why do so many people take Professor Fonzarelliβs class?
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︎ Jan 12 2020
Did your hear about the professors that went to an island resort to discuss research paper titles?
It was a topical vacation
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︎ Apr 12 2020
what was the Nutty Professor's job?
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︎ Apr 03 2020
My statistics professor told us that the larger the sample size, the more reliable are your averages.
The Nβs justify the means.
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︎ Sep 30 2018
Did you hear about the professor afraid of negative numbers?
He stops at nothing to avoid them
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︎ Oct 22 2019
A college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.
"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.
"Sony!" yells the blonde girl in the front.
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︎ Feb 27 2019
I was in class today and the professor's last name was Sullivan. After class I went to ask him...
"So do you want us to call you Prof S, or...?"
He replied, "Yes, but don't say it like a robot..."
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︎ Jan 06 2020
Which professor was good enough to win the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in 2019?
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︎ Dec 30 2019
Iβm in a really boring geology class...
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︎ Jul 19 2020
What did the professor say when his students wanted to hunt male deer before the first day of class?
"Don't get the hart before the course!"
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︎ Dec 06 2019
I just dad joked my accounting professor and made her cry from laughing.
Someone asked about extra credit.
Professor: "I'm sorry I don't give extra credit in this class"
Me: "yeah but do you give extra debit?"
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︎ Feb 20 2017
Matthew McConaughey is a professor now!! When he gives his students research assignments he instructs them to . . .
All Write!
All Write!
All Write!
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︎ Oct 14 2019
My professor's sense of humor.
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︎ Jan 31 2019
My quantum physics professor was really particular about how we wrote the symbols for our wave functions.
She was a total Psi's queen.
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︎ Oct 21 2019
My statics professor isnβt kind
She told me everything Iβll ever do in her class will amount to nothing
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︎ Sep 12 2019
I am currently dating a math professor. Her name is Ellen.
She is the complete inverse of my e^(x).
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︎ Nov 18 2018
We must try it
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︎ May 03 2020
What did professor oak say before he got into a fight
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︎ Apr 24 2019
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.
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︎ Oct 04 2019
Every day, my professor starts her class by reading to us the important news of the day. Today she didnβt show up.
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︎ Jun 21 2019
My professor gave us a Presentation on Sedatives
I couldn't understand anything with all the slurred speech
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︎ Jun 27 2019
A recent study shows that students of pot smoking professors live longer than average.
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︎ Jun 03 2018
Did you hear about the German Professor who created Fahrenheit?
I heard that in college he had a couple of degrees.
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︎ May 03 2019
My Calculus Professor is having a tough time adjusting to retired life.
He canβt seem to deal with the aftermath.
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︎ May 22 2018
What did the tiger say after he ate the professor?
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︎ Mar 25 2019
If the X-Men turned against Professor X it would be a Mutanty
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︎ Jan 23 2019
A Marine Biology student was compiling a list of all the sea creatures they could find on Wikipedia. The next day they handed it in to their Professor, who took one look at it and said..
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︎ May 07 2019
Professor just dad-joked the class on the first day
So, our professor was calling out names for attendance:
Professor: "Holly Brown?"
Holly: "Here."
Professor: "Xu Shuo?"
silence
Professor: "I guess we can all say that he's a no-Shuo...."
Facepalms and groans scattered across the room.
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︎ Jan 21 2015
When your professor is a Star Wars fan.
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︎ Nov 30 2018
My professor (who is, indeed, a dad) told me this this QUALITY joke.
A man in Australia took a train to the town of Mercy, where he heard there was a coffee shop that served drinks named after Australian animals. When he arrived, he decided to try the Koala Tea. He received his order quickly, which turned out to basically be a cup of hot water filled with whole eucalyptus leaves.
The man asked the barista, "Excuse me, there seems to be a lot of loose leaves in my tea."
The barista replied, "Yes, sir, the Koala Tea of Mercy is not strained."
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︎ Sep 27 2018
My favourite Geology Professor died today.
My sediments are with his family.
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︎ Oct 23 2018
What do you call a lame person who has telepathy?
Telepathetic
Edit: How tf this is my first post that blew over 1k!!
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︎ Aug 21 2019
I asked my professor if he was feeling any better he says he had VD yesterday ...
You know vomiting and diarrhea
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︎ May 14 2019
My English Professor got weirdly angry at the formatting of my essay.
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︎ Dec 07 2018
TIFU by sleeping with my chemistry professor without protection.
Good thing sheβs Boron so I couldnβt get her pregnant.
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︎ May 11 2019
First day of class, professor joke
First day of the new semester. I'm at my first class, Experimental Statistics. The professor is going over the syllabus and everything then stops for us to do an "exercise."
He tells us to turn to the person next to us and ask them to marry us.
(If you must know, the guy on side me said no. Apparently it was something I said.)
We start to quiet down and wait for the explanation of why 1000 students just asked each other to marriage.
The professor said that it was important for his students to be engaged during class.
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︎ Jan 17 2015
How do ethics professors greet each other?
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︎ Jul 13 2018
My Math Professor takes days off from work by faking minor injuries.
I shouldnβt have taken a class with Dr. Fibin Ouchie.
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︎ May 19 2018
Which career does a nutty professor choose?
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︎ Feb 28 2019
I just got dadjoked by my professor
We were talking about Amazon and Google, and how they don't just "have computers" and I mentioned that "I always thought datacenters looked cool"
He said, "Well yes. They have air conditioners. Without air conditioners, data centers are not very cool"
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︎ Dec 01 2015
My professor just dedicated an entire 2-hour class to make ONE dadjoke.
Today was the first day of his class, Special Topics in Poetry. We walk in and there is a guest with some ceramic art. We thought we were gonna write poems about it or some shit, but then the professor says, "Welcome to special topics in pottery."
The whole class is like wat...?
Then the guest lady starts showing a powerpoint of some of her work and then we literally spent the whole class mushing clay and making bowls and shit.
To make things even dadder, he chuckled "poetry pottery heh heh heh" like we didn't get the joke and he had to explain it to us.
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︎ Mar 03 2016
What did the calculus professor name his newborn son?
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︎ Aug 12 2018
A chemistry student turns to his professor and excitedly exclaims "Sir this mountain has exactly 6.022x10^23 atoms in it!"
The professor sighs replying "no need to make mountains out of mol hills"
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︎ Feb 07 2018
Professor: Why are we here?
Me:Isnβt this intro to philosophy?
Professor: Yes, and I think youβll fail.
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︎ Nov 14 2018
A Japanese mathematician wanted her professor, Mr Zero, to acknowledge her.
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︎ Dec 10 2016
Why is the professor on fire?
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︎ Oct 15 2018
My econ professor just hit us with a dad joke
Kid in the class: βoh you lived in Japan, do you know Kung fu?β
Professor: βno. I didnβt know Kung fu, but I knew his brother Harryβ
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︎ Nov 21 2018
Got rekt by my Political Science Professor
lecture about US political culture
Prof: You guys like magic
Class: Yeah!
Prof: Okay I need a volunteer
I raised my hand so he picked me
Prof: Okay pull out a dollar bill and point out the wings of the bald eagle
I do
Prof: Okay I want you to fold the bill 3 times long ways then hand it to me
i fold it then hand it to him
Prof: You can still see the wings right? okay I am now going to fold it sideways into 3rds then I want you to hold out 3 fingers with your palm up
he places the folded bill onto my fingers with the center third flat on my hand
Prof: now say wing 3 times
Me: Wing wing wing
prof picks up the bill and holds it up to his ear
Prof: Hello?? This is Professor Frank, who is this?
The whole class couldn't stop laughing for like 10 minutes xD
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︎ Apr 06 2015
My science professor said that heβll show us his transistor.
We had no idea that Caitlyn Jenner and he were siblings.
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︎ Nov 05 2018
What did the constipated math professor do?
He worked it out with a pencil.
It was a number two pencil.
Iβm not saying poop jokes are my favorite... but theyβre a solid number two
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︎ Sep 29 2018
I think my English professor wants me to skip most of his assigned essay.
Or maybe Iβm just jumping to a conclusion.
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︎ Oct 26 2018
Calculus professor asked why he should curve the grades to our test.
I said, "It's a calc class, I guess you could say curves are integral to our class."
Groans filled the room. I laughed hysterically.
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︎ Apr 03 2017
Student: Sorry Professor, Iβm not going to report my Mexican friend to the police.
Professor: All I want is that you turn in your essay.
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︎ Aug 06 2018
My anthro professor had a good one today...
So today in anthro we were discussing what methods are used in dating fossils and fossil sites. We started talking about using rock layers to date and he said "this reminds me of one of the colleagues I had. He was pretty young and when ever we had our get togethers he would bring this beautiful woman, different every time, that always turned out to be his cousin. Anyways this method is an example of relative dating."
There were a couple laughs and one audible groan.
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︎ Oct 28 2014
Whatβs the most accurate name for an Asian professor?
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︎ May 24 2018
My favorite college teacher, Professor Grey, had the most unforgettable final exams.
It was the Grey Test of all time.
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︎ Apr 29 2018
My professor said I could mail in my essay.
But he would only give me parcel credit.
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︎ Jul 25 2018
i asked my ancient rome professor if he knew Harry Potter
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︎ May 17 2018
What do you call a male math professor who just went on vacation?
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︎ May 11 2017
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︎ Apr 18 2015
Ash Ketchum only wanted Professor Oak to open the door and show his PokΓ©mon.
"C'mon, just let me take a little Pikachu!"
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︎ Jul 30 2018
When did the professors meet?
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︎ Apr 11 2015
Neuroanatomy professor dad jokes the class
He was lecturing on the cranial nerves, which do pretty much everything for the head. They control all 5 senses and motor output as well as some other non relevant stuff.
Professor: So class does everyone remember what the senses are?
Class: touch/pain, sight, hearing/equilibrium, smell, taste.
Professor: Does anyone know what the sixth sense is?
Class: (thinking hes serious) Guess random shit like magnetoreception.
Professor: The sixth sense is the ability to see dead people.
Class: combination of groans and laughter
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︎ May 16 2014
My Professor is a professional Dad
So this joke needs a little context: I go to school at USC in South LA.
We were turning in our homework assignments and people kept turning them in with the edges folded instead of stapled. My professor looks at us and says "If you guys need staples, there is a staples center about a mile from here." We just stared back at him and then slowly all started to laugh.
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︎ Sep 19 2016
My math professor was late 16 minutes for the first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.
At this rate, heβll never be in class on time.
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︎ Nov 30 2019
My professor makes all the students buy his book at the beginning of the term to make some profit.
Itβs textbook Economics.
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︎ May 15 2020
My calculus professor was 16 minutes late to his first class, 8 minutes late to his second, and 4 minutes late to the third.
At this rate, he will never be in class on time.
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︎ Dec 13 2018
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat exactly happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
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︎ Mar 30 2019
I said to my computer science professor that my dog ate my homework.
When he doubted me, I said, "Well, it took him a couple of bytes."
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︎ Jan 28 2020
To make extra money, my university professor makes all his students buy his book at the beginning of the term.
Itβs textbook Economics.
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︎ Aug 12 2019
When the physics lecture ended, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
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︎ Sep 22 2019
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
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︎ Dec 17 2018
After the lecture was over, I asked my physics professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
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︎ Oct 26 2019
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
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︎ Jul 14 2019
My university professor forces the students to buy his book at the beginning of the semester.
Itβs textbook economics.
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︎ Jun 19 2019
At the end of the class, I asked my physics professor, βWould you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry I canβt. Thereβs no Time.β
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︎ Sep 20 2018
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