i sent my son to therapy to cure his pokemon addiction
In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,
“thank you for your cervix.”
You should always look outside your shower in case there's a Pokemon
I once met a girl from Wales who had 36 Double D's
It was a really, really hard name to pronounce.
What'd the doctor say when he had to give his first jab?
"Okay, I'll give it a shot"
I'm sorry
Hey friends! In support of the LGBTQ+ community I wanted to design a punny pride greeting card and I am so happy with how it turned out :D let me know what you think!
My fortune teller told me that in 10 years I’d suffer a terrible heartbreak.
……so to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy.
My wife said she’d leave me if I kept quoting Shrek and I didn’t believe her
My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, “Just you wait!”
I went to a deli and said, I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese
The kid behind the counter said, sorry we only take cash or credit cards
Found this... fan art and thought I'd share
What’d the farmer say to the cow on the roof?
I'd tell you a chemistry joke...
... but I know i wouldn't get a reaction.
They told me I’d be bad at poetry because I’m dyslexic..
But so far I’ve made 2 jugs and a vase!
How did so many Pokemon end up with covid?
Must have been from all the koffing and weezing.
I’d be lying if I said I got a hair cut
I'd tell you a construction joke..
But I'm still working on it.
A duck wants into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist: “I’d like some chapstick”
The pharmacist says “but you’re a duck, how are you going to pay for that?”
The duck says “it’s fine, just put it on my bill”
My wife told me that she'd slept with 7 people before we met.
I wouldn't mind, but I was only 20 minutes late.
I'm pretty good at history but I recently read about a Nazi war criminal who I'd never heard of before.
His name didn't ring any Gö- bells.
Why should you never change clothes in front of a Pokemon?
My girlfriend thought I'd be lonely after she broke up with me,
Little did she know that I immediately bought stocks just to have some company.
If Hose C and Hose D are together, who is Hose B dating?
I'd like to introduce you to my stepladder.
I never met my real ladder.
So my wife says, “honey, I’d like to have a little Italian for dinner tonight.”
I said, “Sure. But I’m not sure how the little Italian’s family will feel about that.”
There's a group of sharks that like to meet up in secret. I'd tell you more but...
The first rule of bite club is do not talk about bite club.
I once had a parrot that was taken over by the spirit of a raven. It'd often say, "nevermore".
My buddy and I were discussing foods; which ones we liked and which ones we didn’t. He said he’d had a hard time getting into bananas.
I told him that you had to peel the outer layer.
I’d give me wife the whole ocean
But today she’s only getting a small C-section
Edit: it’s actually true. Today at 10am here in Sweden it’s happening 🙂
My son asked me how long I’d been feeling Covid symptoms for.
I told him “right off the bat”.
A mean man told me I'd never be a lemon or a lime
Ernie asked his brother if he'd like any ice cream
His brother said "sure Bert".
Whenever we visited my Grampa's dairy farm, there'd be mud and cowpats everywhere, and my Dad would say, "I love dairy farms! Look at the dairy barn, and the dairy cows, and...
"Smell that sweet Dairy Air!"
If the joke's unclear:>!"dairy air" sounds like "derriere"!<
6 strands of Kurt Cobain’s hair sold at auction in the last month for $14,000. You’d think it would have a very musty odor.
But really, it just smells like teen spirit.
I told my manager that I'd quit because they weren't giving me enough training.
"OK, you know where the door is," he said.
"No, I don't," I replied.
My wife said I'd gotten fat since she married me me...
I said "Yeah, you got 50% more of me. That's a great return on investment!"
Ima start spelling weed oui’d cos I can’t say no to it
I'd like to ask all of those who believe in psychokinesis...
to please raise my hands.
Hundreds of thousands of pigeons and doves have gathered in Washington D.C.
Authorities are concerned they are staging a coo.
I’d like a six inch Italian herbs and cheese with turkey breast and ham please, cheese and toasted.
Don't know if this is a scam, but I just received a text saying I'd won £250 cash or 2 VIP tickets to an Elvis tribute night.
It says, " Press 1 for the money or 2 for the show...."
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl
...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.
Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '
Thank you for the awards
Pokemon cards? Yeah i've got a small collection.
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