Player Name Puns

Doesn’t matter. It’ll be gone too Zune.

He scored a home run every single at bat, and always the exact same way. Way over right field, too high for anyone to reach, and it always landed in exactly the 17th row of the stands, give or take a couple feet.

He earned the nickname “the machine” for how consistently he hit the exact same spot every time. Right field, 17th row, every single time. He did this for 20 years before he retired. Tickets to the 2-3 seats that the ball always landed on sold for over $2k a pop by the time he retired because you were guaranteed at least a couple home run balls.

And the day he retired a reporter asked him “How does it feel to be retiring as the greatest hitter of all time?”

Hugh just looked at the reporter puzzled. “What do you mean?” He said.

The reporter clarified “literally over 5,000 times you went to the plate and hit a home run to right field, 17th row of the stands!”

Hugh looked dejected and disappointed “yeah, my greatest failure...”

“What do you mean?” Said the reporter incredulously.

Hugh let’s out a long sigh, and looked down at the ground quietly for a moment before finally speaking.

“I’ve been aiming left this whole time”

the name of reddit would be "Reddit player one"

There's a player in my Dnd campaign with the name "Ghesh". I'm wanting some adventuring-related puns to annoy with. I've already used "put a bandage on that Ghesh" (playing off of gash) and "Found Gheshing Water" (off gushing). Any other ideas?

Hello everyone. Today, a 72-year-old man named Mike came into my office. Mike blessed me with many gifts, a sampling of which I would like to share with you all here.

First, Mike asked how I was. I said "good, how are you?" Mike: I had a dream last night I was a muffler. And when I woke up it scared me because I was exhausted.

Mike also has an ex wife. "My Ex wife was so ugly her mom made her go trick or treating by telephone so she didn’t scare the other children."

Not just one ex wife, Mike has two ex wives. "My ex wife was so ugly I used to take her to work with me so I didn’t have to kiss her goodbye"

Mike does a lot of work for various charities. "I asked the lady at a restaurant if I could post my flyer for an event in the window. She said 'that depends, are you a non-profit?' I said 'lady I've got two ex wives, I haven't had profit in 30 years!'"

Those darn ex wives. "I’m so poor a pick pocket tried to rob me the other day and all he got was practice."

Mike actually came to my office to tell me about a basketball camp he's putting on next week. He's been playing basketball for 64 years. "I was a great athlete in high school. I was voted most valuable player by all the cheerleaders."

There was one girl though who got away. "There was a girl who lived down the street and I used to call her all the time and say 'Sarah, can I come over?' and she'd say no. So one day she called & said “Mike, come over, nobody's home.” So I went to her house and she was right, there wasn’t anybody there."

That girl may be why he didn't play baseball. "I played football, basketball and track. Someone asked me 'Mike, why didn't you play baseball?' I said 'because I was already so good at striking out!'"

Anyways, Mike went on to have a lengthy career in TV and radio, until he didn't. "I had to quit my job for medical reasons. My boss said I made her sick."

Thank you for your time.

I'm currently building a war forged bard. He has a chest that acts as a record player and his left arm is the horn. I'm need of name pun brilliance!!

And my 9 yr old little brother's trying to learn the players' names and after he's told Ashley Young's name, he goes:

"what about when he's seventy? Will he be Ashley Old?"

I'm proud.

While this news undoubtedly sucks, I'm trying to take it in stride and em-brace it nonetheless! The recovery will give me the opportunitknee to improve my skills as a sideline player and some extra downtime to expand my abilities in programming and graphic design. I plan to continue at-tendon practices and other events as normal though! So many teammates, past and present, have already been incredibly supportive and reached out to help me; its certainly been a joint effort, and I can't thank you all enough for that. In hindsight, I wouldn't change akneething about attending USA U24 tryouts as tenacity, perserverance, and sacrifice are often the names of the game in pursuit of distant dreams. Ultimately, I guess some things are just liga-meant to be!

• What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

• If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

• Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

• Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

• I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

• Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

• I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

• How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

• Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

• I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

• Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

• I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

• Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

• Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

• Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

• When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

• I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

• Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

• Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

• I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

• Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

• Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

• Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

• Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

• I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

• Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

• So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

• When you get an infection, urine trouble.

• "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

• How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

• Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

• Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

• What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

So I have this app that is centered around dogs. I'm introducing a level system with 7 levels and need clever dog pun names for each level. I have a list here of the gist of what the levels should mean, but they are too boring as of now. Would love to see your pun skills at work!

• 1: Amateur
• 2: Junior Varsity
• 3: Varsity
• 4: Park Captain
• 5: Professional Player
• 6: Park All-star
• 7: Olympian Dog

Thanks! :)

In this society, companies and businesses are not legally allowed to give themselves a name. Instead, companies are ID's alphanumerically. The first businesses were Corporation A, Company B, Business C, ... Organization Z, Company A1, etc.

The world's current largest corporation is Company B. They're particularly known for their robotics manufacturing. One day, Company B had just finished the design for two new robots. One that would automatically play blues songs on a record player at the press of a button. (What we know today as a jukebox) The other was a companion robot for lonely people, modeled after a beagle.

Unfortunately, when the final version of these robots were being manufactured for a worldwide release, there was an error in the automated assembly line. This error caused the two robots to be built simultaneously, creating a single robot.

The resulting product came to be known as the Boogie Woogie Beagle Bot of Company B.

Needed information: My family and I are pretty big Chicago Blackhawks fans. There is a player on the Blackhawks with the name Patrick Sharp.

Story:

For Christmas I got a bunch of Blackhawk themed shirts ranging from t-shirts to long sleeved t-shirts that look like actual jerseys themselves. I got a decent amount of them from my girlfriend's family, so my family didn't see them right away as I opened them at their house. When I got home, I was very excited show them to my family.

So when I grab the long sleeved t-shirt jersey to show to my mom and she says, "Wow that is Sharp!".

I respond back with a grin on my face with a quick "No, there isn't a name on the back of it at all."

It clicked after a few seconds, but I got a groan and a "You knew what I meant..."

The sportscaster was talking about players and mentions a guy named "Darren Matic."

So my dad goes "Darren Matic!? Where's his brother Otto?"

football commentator says something about a player's NFL debut being today just before I get crushed ice from the in-door ice maker from the fridge

Dad: "Wait I missed that, WHOSE debut is it today? What was his name again? I couldn't hear!" Me, loudly: "Hang on!" points to fridge "Ice maker." Dad: "WOW his name is Ice Maker?! No wonder he's so tough!"

Now, my dad doesn't often do this so I kinda started at him before slowly saying, "No.....his....it's not...." Then he grinned at me as I felt dumb.

...And one of the player's name is "Miskin" (Polish setter for Jasztrebski-Wegiel, a very well known club in Poland and Europe). Us being Indonesian, the word "miskin" means "poor" as in not having money.

So during the whole game my dad would say stuff like:

• "How come does he play in a prestigious club and still end up being poor?"

• "Maybe if he gets his paycheck they will finally write "Rich" ("Kaya" in Indonesian) on his jersey."

And other phrases I managed to forget.

When he says them, my mom who isn't watching, would stop whatever she was doing to raise her head to stare into the emptiness and shake her head.

Watching the Chargers-Bengals game, one of the Bengals defensive linemen is named Gilberry.

My dad says, "If his first name was Din, he would be Din Gilberry." Followed by a solid 30 seconds of laughter.

He will make puns based on players names at least once every game.

So the Houston Texans and Dallas Cowboys game was on, and a player got called for holding. When they zoomed in on the guy, his name was Clutts.

So my dad just yells "You wanna know why he was holding?"

"Its because he was a clutz!"

I walked out of my house after that.