Philip Walsingham Sergeant Puns

She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….

EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️

It’s awfully drafty in here!

The sergeant says: "I didn't see you today in the camouflage test"

"That's the idea, Sergeant"

The private said, "That's a tall order, sir."

Soldier: Thank You Sir!

..dunno, I give up.

Alliter o' rations.

"Where's the nearest landfill?" I asked.

"There's land everywhere," he replied.

One’s a tuber and YouTuber.

Only just come out and now he is being told he has to stay in.

It was a dishonourable discharge.

They're full metal jackets after all.

few months later, i was court marshalled for murdering a superior by the name of "drill sergeant will"

An eyesaur

Took him to the infant-ry

"PRIVATE, DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE?" The private responds: "NO SIR! I came here yesterday!"

He was explaining to us what we should do with our new maps

Platoon sergeant: "You have to trim it down to the area we're in and then waterproof it."

Me: So you're saying we have to... laminate it?

Some background, this man never makes jokes and never laughs. I'm doing some car work and he calls me and I go with 'Hey I'll call you later' he replies 'Don't call me later, call me grandpa' didn't even laugh just made the joke then hung up.

...but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

(emo philips)

...because any idiot could have told them to take Teddy Bridgewater over Philip Rivers.

Dis-cuss

Idk if this fits this sub, but I'm planning a Halloween costume and just need a punny name for it.

I'm going to wear timberland boots, camo cargo pants, an olive/brown/green/earth t-shirt, aviator sunglasses, and get a beer bandolier.

I need a solider/army/military + beer/alcohol/drinking pun to name the costume. Any suggestions?

Me: You would've loved Captain Philips, it's a shame you couldn't come

Dad: Nah, it's fine, I'll just... pirate it.

He was their Grill Sergeant.

King Philip III

Was getting coffee from the coffee machine when the machine said: "Fill Beans"

So I turned to my coworker and said: "Who is this Fill Beans?"

To which he responded: "I think he's from the Philippines"

Do they really belong to Philip?

I don't remember what it's from, but I do remember that the scene involved a squad of soldiers with their sergeant coming across the enemy, and it went like this:

Sergeant: Fire at will!
Private: Uh, who's Will?
Sergeant: Just shoot, you idiot!

A drill sergeant

They named it Drill Sergeants'

My grandad told me this one and it stayed with me forever.

"Did I ever tell you about the time that I was in the army?" he asked me one day, this should have told me something was off right away because no one ever even mentioned him being in any army. "I was having an affair with my superior officer, she was beautiful. But it was too weird, too strained by the fact that I was a private and she a Sergeant. So I pulled her aside one day and said, 'listen Tina, I have to break it off, it's getting too difficult to keep going. But she was mad about me and she started crying. I tried to console her, I said 'Don't cry for me Sergeant Tina!!'

The Grill Master Sergeant.

Today I give you my princess to become your queen. Sorry but just like Prince Philip you don't get to be King.

Kenwood, JVC, Pioneer, Alpine, Boss, Sharp, Sony, Onkyo, Panasonic, Philips, etc.

He was the Custardy Sergeant

A grandfather is talking to his grandson in the den. He is reminiscing being a former paratrooper for the military. He began to tell his grandson the first time he had to jump out of a plane.

Grandfather: "Well there we were in the plane as the sergeant opened the door of the plane. He began yelling Go! Go! Go! And one by one troopers began jumping out. When the sergeant yelled for me to jump I couldn't do it, I was too scared. The sergeant then looked at me and says private if you don't jump I'm gonna fuck you in the ass."

Grandson looks up at grandfather and asks: "Well did you jump grandpa."

To which the grandfather replies: "A little at first."

He's a staph sergeant.

After drilling a hole, inserting the plastic sleeve, then driving a philips head to attach the nanny cam securely to the wall in our baby's room...

Wife: "Good job! You nailed it!"

Me: "Actually honey, I screwed it."

Me: "I think I have carpal tunnel"

Dad: "I think I have sergeant bridges"