What do you call a soldier who's been hit by pepper spray? [x-post r/army]

a seasoned veteran

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__wampa__stompa
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
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Request: Food Puns!

Hi Everyone!

So I have a request for you all. Some friends and I are starting a new Pathfinder Campaign. Specifically, Hell's Rebels. I noticed one point mentioned that mint is now outruled, as one of the more 'insane' laws being put into place. Naturally, I have designed my character entirely around that.

Thus, the Chef Pana Kouta is born. I hope to 'pepper' some puns throughout the campaign, and would love to have some help from you all!

To summarise Hell's Rebels: A city of freedom is put under martial law, and the party will become leaders of a rebellion to stop the tyranny as the new leader begins issuing more and more insane laws.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnEvilSunBro
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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Red hot chili pepper weight

How do you measure how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is? Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it away a now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spinnaker190
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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Not to get all political in this sub, but...

Did you guys know that the guy who was recently pepper sprayed by Portland's mayor is a big dairy heir?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DieFlavourMouse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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Don't do it

What happened when Pepper made Salt angry?

  • Pepper was charged with aggravated assault. XD
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeet4memes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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So proud of my daughter for this one... "Why do fishes swim in salt water?"

Because pepper would make them sneeze!

She's six. She's awesome.

EDIT: Woo highest rated post, thanks to my kid. Also, I never said she wrote it! She just told it to me. So there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanphi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Who does Mr. Salt go to when he has back pain?

Dr. Pepper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodEveningItsAsa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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I heard that the jalapeΓ±o finally finished school.

He is now known as Dr. Pepper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fanoran
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Pun for Saul

Does anyone have a one word type of pun for the name Saul, something like Saul n Pepper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GlenDa3rd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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To avoid bear attacks, carry little bells and pepper spray.

It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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This year's Thanksgiving playlist is a buffet by ear, if you will...

The main dish will be Lambchop seasoned with Red Hot Chili Peppers & Salt-n-Pepa.

Accompanied by the side dishes: The Cranberries, Korn, and Black Eyed Peas.

And for dessert we'll have Vanilla Ice..Cream..Cake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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If you suffer from sneezing fits, DO NOT make an appointment with...

Dr. Pepper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unfussed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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I stopped drinking Coke

Dr. Pepper highly recommended that i should stop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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How does a military fanatic season their food?

With a salt rifle and pepper spray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jzerene
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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My 6yo holds a slice of red pepper up to my face and breaks it towards me. Me: β€œUgh, what did you do that for. You got me all wet.”

β€œThat was pepper spray.”

Got me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gorescittmore
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Nosey Pepper

What does a nosey pepper do?

It gets jalapeno business!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Economy_Hat789
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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What kind of spicy food is scary?

A ghost pepper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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What happens if you put capsaicin in jelly

Red hot jelly peppers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hashanan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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What is a cop’s favorite seasoning?

Pepper spray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tupacwolverine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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How did salt’s friend survive the apocalypse

He was a doomsday pepper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cadlinkr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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They say jalapeΓ±os are hot

But I find them to be a chili pepper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.

Thank you in advance! πŸ”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmElleGee31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?

Herastandin pepper.

Courtesy of my very own father

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Terry-Fold
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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I saw a very spicy Japanese pizza demon.

It was a Pepper Oni.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/desireewhitehall
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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A chef excitedly calls up his friend to tell him about his latest creation

"I've just discovered the recipe for an amazing type of cheese sauce made with cheese, butter, flour, milk, and peppers!" he exclaims.

The friend, unimpressed, replies, "K, so?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hollowbody57
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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If you attack someone with a jalapeΓ±o... is it assault

Or a pepper?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kafuto2147
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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Pun Request

I'm looking for a few spice/herb related puns, specifically:

  • Black Pepper
  • Cinnamon
  • Garlic Powder
  • Paprika
  • Nutmeg
  • Chili Powder
  • Basil
  • Tumeric
  • Onion Powder
  • Curry Powder

Any ideas are appreciated!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
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Can't get this right, help!!

Need some pun help

Girl is a nurse who wants to try 27 spicy food places before you die. Not Tinder

My best so far:

You pepper believe that eating at all those places will turn you from nurse to fulltime patient. You don't even get atrophy when you're through

It's ehhhhh And seems insulting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalTango
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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Why do seals swim in salt water ?

Because, pepper water makes them sneeze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmmaTFox131
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Why was the pepper cold?

Because it's pepper mint.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shotintheship
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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How does a cop season their food?

With assault and pepper spray!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VerbalAcrobatics
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because they would sneeze in pepper water!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sleepypanda59
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ardensulled
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks live in saltwater?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do fish swim in saltwater?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do fish live in salt water?

Because if they lived in pepper water, they would sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maxterchief99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks swim in salt water?

If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Sharks live in saltwater,

But only because pepper water would make them sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/makerofrages
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WilloFortune__
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of assault?

A pepper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-think-Im-funny
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
All these people go to the gym to get a hot butt,

when all they need to do is eat peppers.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thewilltosucceed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad-joked my son when I picked him up from school yesterday.

Me: Did you hear about the soldier that survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

My Son: Nope.

Me: He's a seasoned veteran.

My Son: Ugh...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItMightGetBeard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
🚨︎ report

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