I've decided to put off my gender transition surgery until after I've gotten my linguistics degree

I’m a trans later

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatabaseSolid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2022
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What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter f

Edit: To all those asking- no, this joke is not about any specific person. It's about Politicians In General.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2022
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When you thought you’ve just about heard all the Will Smith and Chris Rock jokes already, I present you with this one

1

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gear3017
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2022
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My son started watching episodes of The Electric Company.

So he can keep up with current events.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2022
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Which term defines the lack of urge to vote for any political party or candidate in an election?

Electile dysfunction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Yard3330
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2022
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Please stop including corny details about your family as a blatant ploy to garner additional upvotes and awards by increasing the emotional impact of your post.

This was said to me just now by my 3 year old. So proud! Got a real eye roll from my wife too, so I know it was a good one. Tinged with sadness though, as it reminds me own dad, who went out to get milk and never came back

EDIT: Thanks for all the karma; I really don’t deserve it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moorda
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2022
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Petition to ban rants from this sub

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drak0ni
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2022
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Germany has just warned its population of an upcoming susage and cheese shortage.

They are calling it the wurst kΓ€se scenario.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingOfCurl
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2022
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My wife wants me to blow air on her whenever she overheats, but honestly...

... I'm not a fan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnforcedErrer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2021
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Pride and joy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thehawkplays
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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Why is the clock in the buffet always wrong?

it keeps going back 4 seconds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Castor_volk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2021
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What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin

.

Edit: thank you guys so much for the rewards! I was told this joke from my 9 year old sister, she was well chuffed to see all the votes and people thinking she was funny

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πŸ‘€︎ u/khatsos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.

I said okay... Bi den.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhillala7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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My wife was telling me I am of average intelligence.

Now that’s just mean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ballsquancher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Turkey Day
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toe-knail
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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If Joe biden becomes president,

the white house will become forbiden

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baalbaking58
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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The average person is really mean
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πŸ‘€︎ u/o0oo00oo0o
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume? Me: That’s when I went to Yale... Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.

Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Vile1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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Enjoy your meal!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Couldbeurmom
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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This dina change anything for him
πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2018
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Why did the dime run for President?

Because he kept hearing that people wanted to vote for change.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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The last 4 letters of β€œqueue” aren’t silent

They’re waiting for their turn

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_m_bm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bassbadiya
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2018
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I don’t trust the stairs... they’re always up to something.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes.

That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/revsilverspine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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Of corpse they will
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?

He was afraid of capitalism.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cancervixen831
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

....because freedom rings.

Edit: wow this is getting decent attention, Happy Brexit 1776 everyone!

Edit 2: top 50 all time on r/dadjokes and I'm not even a dad yet!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
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My dad didn’t love me as a child, but I don’t really blame him.

I wasn’t born until he was an adult.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
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What's Justin Timberlake's favorite part of Ukraine?

The Crimea River

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScoutsOut389
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2017
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My wife complains that I never buy her flowers.

I didn't know she sold any!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laughingboy14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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I'm the best and worst friend imgur.com/09IXSQm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PHPisGod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
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β€œDad, what is a joke I can post on Reddit to get a lot of upvotes?”

β€œHm, that’s a good question, son. I think I have an idea.”

β€œOkay, dad. What is it?”

β€œYou should post a story about an old man tying balloons to his house to fly away and a Boy Scout joining him as they float down to South America.”

β€œWhy would I post that, dad?”

β€œBecause then when people like it, you’ll get a lot of Up votes.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PawneeCityCouncil
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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In the star wars universe (sorry if repost) imgur.com/xv62AJp
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danihendrix
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2013
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Worth it

http://imgur.com/EpyBrVc

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jstrike31
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2015
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What a transformation!
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/upupvote2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2013
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There's a guy I work with who lost all his teeth and refuses to stop talking...

I asked him today "why don't you ever shut up?" He responded "I find it hard to bite my tongue"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Creepyroblowe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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Beethoven's grave has been eerily playing music the last few days.

The cemetery keeper has told people not to worry, he's just decomposing.

EDIT down-voting because you can't Handel this level of humor is a crime against humanity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blu186
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2015
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Hi Hungry, it's Dad. I have an important update for you.

Starting on the 1st of December and running until the 10th, /r/dadjokes will be self-post only. This 10 day trial is being conducted to measure the overall effect on post quality. We hope to see a reduction in posts that exist purely for karma-gaming, and an increase in posts that represent our favourite dad jokes and stories.

This is not a ban on images. You may still link to pictures within your self-post - but you will no longer receive karma for doing so. Also as a suggestion try and be witty about it, don't just post pictures as the only content in the post. If there is a story behind it (involving your dad or anyones dad) then give that more of a preference and use the picture as a supporting arm for the joke, remember to be nice and the punnier the better.

As always, we're open to hearing your thoughts on the matter - and this thread will be stickied for the 10 days so that you can pop in and let us know how you feel the trial is going.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/parin89
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
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Dadjoked a city... kinda

So in Canberra people are picking their own mushrooms; which would be fine except for the rather hazardous Death Caps that seem to be plentiful right now. A local radio station asked their listeners whether hey thought mushroom sales at stores or restaurants would go down, and what people thought of the whole issue. With a decade of experience in hospitality I thought I'd call and while waiting to go on air, the presenters joked about calling up the head 'mushroom guy' for Australia and asking their opinion.

I go on air and assure them that no restaurant worth their salt would risk their name and business by buying mushrooms that weren't from an official farm. But just before They bid me farewell I said; "I hope you do get to talk to the head mushroom person, I bet he's a real Fungi".

There was silence followed by barely audible raucous laughter from what sounded like either outside their booth or over the intercom, I'm not sure. The presenters denied me an on air groan or laugh and just pretended like I had said nothing. But someone laughed... Someone...

[Edit: Wow, unable to log in to reddit for a day and I miss getting nearly eight times more up votes than I have since joining Reddit last year. Thanks all! I knew having a 1 yr old would pay off.]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SketchGoatee
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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A wise man once told me "Kid there are two rules of business and life. One is never tell anyone everything you know..."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Dadjoking the crowd every time I introduce my assistant

"This is my assistant. She's also my sister, so that makes her my assister!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_paperjam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2014
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The Higg's Boson said that it didn't like your art...

But don't take it too harshly, it's just critical mass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zap-Brannigan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2011
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