When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn’t laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I’ve persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she’s in labor with our fourth and I’ve finally got her laughing...
I think I’ve really improved the delivery!
They’re out standing in their field
Gone FISSION'
The second turns and says: "I am a big metal fan."
... people are just dying to get in there.
I can't wait to have kids to see if they have their mother's groan.
"OH WOW THIS IS SPECTACULAR. A train must have been here recently, you can still see its tracks!!"
"It wouldn't be so windy here if they would shut off those fans!"
"Hey it's the Mexican phone company."
Dad: I hear the employees are going on strike.
"why do they put fences around cemeteries?" "cause people are just dying to get in!"
He tells this joke like its new every time we pass a cemetery, even if there's no fence around it.
Dad: "Uh oh, the cows are all lying down, you know what that means!" Victim: "It's going to rain?" Dad: "No...they're tired."
Dad: How many people do you think are dead in there?
Me or someone who hasn't heard it already: I don't know, 10,000?
Dad: All of them.
"Hey you guys see that cemetary?" Yeah dad. "Well I hear its so good people are dying to get in!"
Every freaking time.
Grandpa sees cemetery
Grandpa: Do you know why someone living in (random city's name) can't be buried here?
Me: I don't know, why?
Grandpa: Because they are living. chuckles to himself
I've heard it over 100 times and he always forgets I have heard it before.
"Look! That sure is a funny looking deer!"
As loud as possible: "HEY!"
I was driving with some of my buddies when I see a "Firewood!" sign. I point it out and read it aloud:
Me: Fire wood?
Buddy: Yeah, firewood. What about it?
Me: I see these signs everywhere. Who is this "Wood" and why do we need to fire him?
"Man, I wish I was that rich, that I could just send my lawn out to be mowed!"
My dad: "Did you know that this is a really popular cemetery?" Me: "I didn't know that, why is it popular?" Dad: "Because everyone's dying to get in it".
And yet I fall for it every single time...
"That's the dead center of town!"
My dad points at the hearse and says "I hear people are dying to ride in that car."
>Did you guys know that that's a very famous cemetary?
>Do you know why? Because people are just dying to get in!
People get so annoyed by the end of the trip.
Dad: "How many people are dead in that cemetery?" We begin guessing numbers.. Dad: (yelled loudly) "ALL OF EM!" followed by hysterical laughter
(Pointing) That place is so popular, people are dying to get in.
"People are dying to get in there!"
My dad would say:
Dad: "Why did they put a fence around the cemetery?"
Me: I don't know, why?
Dad: "Because people were dying to get in!"
hardy har har, Dad.
