I’m planning a paint themed party for my friend, any paint/art themed puns I can use for the invitations?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MannnOfHammm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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Why are boxers really good at planning parties?

They always have the best punch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmTurbanMan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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Why is planning a party in space hard?

Because you have to planet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/V10LIFESMATTER
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
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Wife and I planning a dinner party

Wife: "We've got wines, cheeses, summer sausage.."

Me: "mmmm no I don't think any of the cheeses are sausage."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JordanMichael08
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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When planning a party my wife said we'd keep it pretty low key

I told her Loki's alright, but Thor's the pretty one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/godzirrrraaa
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2015
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How do you plan a party in space?

You planet

Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter. So proud!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cantfindacoolnik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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It’s my birthday today and no party is planned due to pandemic. And my daughter said this to cheer me up.

β€œYou will have your cake and eat it too.”

PS: this is the best gift I can get today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shishir-nsane
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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I’m thinking about throwing a space themed party, but I'm not sure how to plan it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasrservo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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How does NASA plan their company parties?

They Planet!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsoundsbetter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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The card I got from my father is shaped like a hot dog

"Hot dog, it's your birthday! Let's be Frank, you're probably planning to party your buns off, so go ahead - don't be a weenie! Relish every moment of your celebration."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/undeadpenguins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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I got a rooster on 2018's Valentine's day.

Lol, on last year's Valentine's day my best friend had got mad at me for not asking my crush out.

We'd planned on going to McDonald's together because he didn't have a date either. When I arrived at McDonald's this f*cker was holding a cardboard box with a terrified look and when he saw me he immediately gave me the box and told me he'd already bought the food and that we better take the bus to my place. I just thought he probably was joking or something because the box didn't even have any kind of decoration, it even had a chips brand printed on it, but as we got to the bus and sat I felt something moving inside, I thought maybe it was a puppy or something, but why did he look scared of it?

So, we get to my house, I go to my backyard, where my then 7yo beagle was and I open the box. I could only see a black blur flying out of it and then heard my best friend scream. It was a rooster. He's terrified of birds. And weirdest of all it was a fully grown rooster but he was super tiny, like 10 inches tall tiny.

I asked him wtf was going on and he just kinda hid behind the backyard door and said "I bought it so that you could get some cock tonight". I always make puns and he hates them, I was speechless. So long story short I now own 6 chickens and 4 roosters (my mom got super mad at him for buying the rooster, but then she got super attached and bought him a chicken, when she laid eggs she let them hatch, the rooster's name is Enrique btw, my mom even made him a birthday party and all last week, lol)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArbiterInqui
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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Combined my first 2 joke sets into 1. Enjoy!

I will now take suggestions on how to be more sensitive to deaf people. I'm all ears!

  1. As a ventroliquist, I made one of my dummies sing a song by the GoGos. I'm not going to tell you how I did it. My lips are sealed!
  2. Im the only council member against the construction of the beach. Im going against the grain!
  3. Why did God make me a conjoined twin? Im beside myself!
  4. I put aluminum on a villain's mind control devices. I foiled his plan!
  5. Even though I'm scared of heights, I still go skydiving with this girl I like. Im falling for her!
  6. My shoelace company collapsed. I couldn't make ends meet!
  7. I like using misdirection in my jokes to make people laugh. Or do I?
  8. I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a hotdog. I'm on a roll!
  9. I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a nerd. I'm honor roll!
  10. The answer to this question, "Who's the president of the United States?" is a no-brainer.
  11. I finished a race the other day. I won 'cause I killed all the Kenyans!
  12. I don't know how to wear a wig. At least not off the top of my head.
  13. I went grocery shopping at Harris Teeter for a 50% off everything sale. I went in for a carrot and came out with a half, which is why I now shop at Whole Foods!
  14. If youre being attacked by zombies, just throw a party! Nobody wants to kill the life of the party!
  15. I used to date a girl, who still uses a nightlight. What a turn-off!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ADAToTheMoon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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Memory

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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My wife said this one was unbearable

Two naturalists spent the bulk of their lives studying bears in the Soviet Union. One was from Czechoslovakia and the other from Poland. When the USSR fell in December 1991 they were both old men, but they were excited about the prospect of finally getting the chance to study grizzlies in America. That following Spring they made arrangements to travel to Yellowstone to finally see the grizzlies.

When they arrived and informed the park rangers of their plan the rangers were alarmed, telling the scientists, "You can't go now. It's mating season, and the bears are very aggressive." But the former Soviets were insistent. "Please," they said, "We must go. We've waited our whole lives. We may never get another chance." Realizing the men couldn't be dissuaded, the rangers gave them a radio with instructions to report in with their location every day. The scientists set out, and for several days they reported dutifully that all was well.

On the third day, though, they failed to report in. Anxiously, the rangers sent out a search party to the scientists' last known location.

Unfortunately, the rangers discovered a bloody mess when they found the men's camp, and the tracks of two bears, a male and a female, leading off into the woods.

The rangers followed the tracks until suddenly they came upon the female grizzly, her muzzle still crimson with blood. They shot her and conducted an autopsy on the spot, sadly finding the remains of the Polish scientist inside her stomach.

"You know what this means, don't you?" said one ranger to the other. "Yes," the other replied, "The Czech is in the male."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithdok
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2016
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Guy made an awesome party entrance with a cheesy dadjoke

My friend had a truck on his lawn full of firewood for the bonfire planned for later in the party. This guy who just arrived walks into the kitchen and says, "Hey, you know you've got a truck growing outta your lawn?" My friend replies, "Yeah, I planted a couple GMC emblems and it just sprouted up!" The guy, without a moment's hesitation says. "Damn, that's a real bumper crop!" Everyone in the kitchen died laughing and the guy, who didn't really know anyone there, instantly became the centre of the party.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WebberWoods
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2014
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My dad's first recorded dad joke

For a quick insight I want to be an astronaut and have a love for space.

Dad: how does NASA plan a party?

Me: I don't know, how?

Dad: they planet.

I laughed for a solid ten minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InhibitedTech96
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2014
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Bet you don't know how to plan a SPACE party??

You Planet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nearly_Mental
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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