Why does a calendar last for one year only?
Because its days are numbered
π︎ 96
π
︎ Mar 18 2021
I went to this zoo yesterday and they only had one dog.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks youβ¦
"What about the udder one?"
π︎ 14
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
My calculator only has enough power left to do one calculation
I really have to make it count
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
I heard about this one guy who could only see through screens
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 06 2021
My mother told me she was abandoning the family to go across the world and study yoga. I had only one thing to say to her:
π︎ 32
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
You should only use one square of toilet paper when you use the bathroom.
Thatβs all it takes to get it out from under your fingernails
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 14 2021
There is only one other pun better than this one....
A man's farts once began sounding like the word "honda."
US Doctors were no help for the man.
Finally a Japanese Doctor took his case & sent for the man to come to Japan.
The man flew to Japan and after a short examination the Doctor said to him, "you have abscess tooth."
"An abscess tooth?" the man asked.
"Yes," replied the doctor "abscess make the fart go Honda."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
What's the most common word that only contains one letter?
π︎ 30
π
︎ Mar 01 2021
Did you know I used to be a Lumber Jack? It was only during one summer, though.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
π︎ 85
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
I wrote an epic poem with only one line.
It's in celebration of the universe.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
Why do companies prefer people with only one arm instead of people with both arms?
Because people with only one arm can do everything single-handedly
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 23 2021
Why did only one letter of the alphabet get a Christmas present?
π︎ 204
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
Why do the French only eat one egg at breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
You are lost in winter but find a cabin. You find it has a fireplace, a kerosene lamp and a stove, but you only have one match. What item in the cabin do you light first?
π︎ 34
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
π︎ 96
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
π︎ 243
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
Did you hear about the guy who only dated women named Esther, sometimes more than one at a time?
He identified as poly-Esther
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
At the local donation center, only one guy donated anything, and it was a box of poop!
But hey, at least he gave a shit.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
There is a religious veterinarian who has a strict rule that only one vet can work on large animals at a time
Because it is a sin to co-vet an oxen or donkey.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
The only people to show up to my friendβs funeral were some of his one night stands and some friends from church.
π︎ 656
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
My wife asked me if she's the only one I've been with.
I said yes. The others were all nines and tens.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jun 30 2020
I was the only one in the family who believed in my brother to become a ninja, so when my dad said βhe will never make itβ
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
If girls with big boobs work at Hooters where do girls with only one leg work?
π︎ 63
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
There is only one you in the whole world...
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
There is only one way to describe this year for Donald Trump.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
My buddy said 'There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me.'
I asked, 'Which is?'
'Exactly', he replied.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
All these years it was thought that Yoda only had one name. His family name is....
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
Back when I worked at a different brewery, one of the brewers only had one leg.
She was in charge of the hops.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
There's only one thing that scares me about Halloween
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jun 17 2020
All the letters of the alphabet walk into a bar. Why does only one of them get a drink?
Because the bartender keeps saying, βCan I get U anything?β
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Why was the Monarch only one foot tall?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
Why am I the only one naked?
They said it was a gender reveal party?
π︎ 43
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he calls the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what heβs found...
She says, βOh, thatβs horrible. Are they moving?β
The guy replies, βI donβt know, but that would explain the suitcase.β
π︎ 446
π
︎ Jun 30 2020
I was telling my friend there's only one thing I get really scared of at Halloween.
"Which is?" he asked.
"Exactly."
π︎ 545
π
︎ Jun 17 2020
My boyfriend gave me a butt massage today, but only focused on one cheek...
π︎ 134
π
︎ Jul 24 2020
Flat Earthers have only one thing to fear
π︎ 170
π
︎ Jul 25 2020
My professor asked me why did I put only one of the three authors as a reference.
I said that I didnβt feel tempted to do so et. al
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
I went to a zoo, and it only had one dog.
π︎ 52
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mum only carries one photo......
...... because if youβve seen Juan youβve seen Amal
π︎ 338
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
I went to the zoo the other day, it only had one dog in it.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because for them, one egg is un oeuff
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
I went to the zoo today and they only had one dog.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
If girls with big boobs work at The Hooters, where do the girls with only one leg work?
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 20 2020
Do you know why the French only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
Why is the king only one foot tall?
π︎ 338
π
︎ Jul 26 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
