One Time Pad Puns

A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the porch out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let' just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend

Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together , left me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.

In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

You can get an app on your iPhone/iPad that acts as a remote control to Apple TV. Using this, I have convinced my kids that you can control the Apple TV by thought alone. They practice by yelling out commands to the TV which I then do from another room.

In addition to that, I sometimes pause shows, fast forward, rewind, skip tracks, etc., at random times. I have the kids convinced that the other one must have accidentally thought something a bit too loudly. They fight over it while I sit the other room, silently laughing myself to death.

Then again, I'm quite oblivious to his subtle jokes, but I think this one takes the cake:

So anyway, the other day he had me look something up for him on my laptop. Occasionally, my mouse pad lags and this was one of those times. I began to rub my finger to get it to work when my dad lays this one one me: "¿Tiene comezón o qué?" Which is roughly translated to: "Is it(the laptop) itchy or what?"

Now, I'm sure if I was a dude and my dad was one of those dads, he would've said something along the lines of my laptop's mouse pad being equivalent to a woman's nether regions. But that might just be the way I think.