βYou herd me.β
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now itβs clear why everyone calls me handsome.
Now I'm living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine.
Remains to be seen
I have no idea I said
But Alaska
He treks his way up the incline at the bottom, slowly getting steeper as he makes his way upward. He eventually reaches the base of a large rock formation, which is much steeper, and makes his way up and around, through a winding trail running along a narrow ledge.
As he reaches the top, he finds a large, relatively flat area, where another hiker is standing near the edge, admiring the landscape. He walks over and stands next to the man, also taking in the view.
The man says to him, "It sure is a gorgeous view from up here, isn't it? The hike is pretty grueling, and you might wanna turn back a few times, but once you get to the top and look out over the whole desert, completely flat and stretching out as far as the eyes can see, you remember why you decided to climb this mountain."
He turns to the man and says, "It sure is, she's a butte."
βThatβs a hickory daiquiri, doc!β
Just then a blind man appeared on a nearby path. The man asked the farmer what he was doing, and the farmer told him about his problem. The farmer told the man how he had tried everything, from singing to the trees, to shaking them, to blowing on them. The blind man thought for a minute and then instructed the farmer to try listening to the trees, because their song was not being heard. The farmer was skeptical, but figured he may as well try. He put his ear up to one of the small apples, and could barely hear the faintest song playing. He turned to ask the blind man how to hear it better but the man had disappeared.
Later that day the man told his wife, Andrea, all about what had happened. The wife was skeptical as well, but she told her husband to talk to their friend Jim the beet farmer, because he always had a healthy crop. The farmer obliged his wife and went and told Jim about his experience. Jim smiled, and he motioned for the farmer to come with him. The two walked to the middle of a field full of red beets. In the very center they found two golden beets. Jim told his friend to take the golden beets, and bury them into the soil near his orchard.
Night was approaching, but the farmer agreed to do what he was told. He thanked his friend and took the two beets to the center of his orchard, while his wife Andrea looked on. As he pushed them into the ground he started to hear the song of the trees. The song was a little louder, but still very quiet.
The farmer dug up the beets and began moving them to other spots. He soon noticed that as he buried them closer to his wife, the louder the song became and the apples actually started growing. The farmer, excited by his discover, ran over to his wife and stuck the beets into the soil at her feet. The apple orchard sung loudly and came to life with new growth. The farmer had the best crop he had ever had that year.
Moral of the story: If you want to listen to apple music, try plugging in your beets by βDre.
Well, it was more of a spell check actually
Cauliflower!
(told by my nephew, so so proud of him!)
"That's it," I said. "This means war!"
Then youβll all be sorry.
It was a mandate.
I guess the cow is Cattle-ic
it was a shitzu!
It clicked
He scared the crΓͺpe out of me!
She thought to herself, "Am I the only one in this day and age who still drives a stick?"
Next day it grew square roots
βHonestly, thatβd be strange at first, but Iβm sure weβd work past that and still be a family.β
βNo, son, Iβd be trans-parent.β
Theyβre calling it SeΓ±or Skip Day
But to be fair, neither did the Jennerβs!!
I told him to do his own QWERTY work
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
I can assure you... you will definitely dialog
There's a Claus in his contract...
Because Iβm drawing a blankβ¦
Note: feel free to swap βwhiteβ with any other color, as long as theyβre exactly the sameβ¦
I saw a bird eat a bee and never asked again!
And I'll be a bullionaire
May your day be filled with laughter and children groaning at your terrible puns.
That's when I knew I'd hit Rock bottom.
The Quaranteens
On Friday
The man of steel learned the hard way that you can't have your cape and heat it, too.
I nearly burst into tears. We've been working together for several years and she still doesn't know my name is Stan.
It was a case of a serial sexual assaulter whose description was tall lanky and always wore fluorescent clothing.
He was.. The Pink Pantser.
But no longer than that.
So the organizers contacted the elves and started communicating their rights to them.
At first, union outreach seemed to be going well. But then the process ran aground.
The elves delivering the presents had some contact with the outside world, so they understood they were getting a bad deal and wanted to go on strike.
And even the factory elves were sympathetic, because they'd seen their coworkers be punished for getting injured.
But, as one organizer mourned,
"It's the little folks slaving away in the back of the warehouse who don't understand. They're loyal to the big man, because he keeps them so isolated."
All in all, it was a bad case of stock gnome syndrome.
Over a double latte, the Greek mentions "We built the Parthenon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo."
"Aye, and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices."
"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."
"Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces."
Knowing that he's about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: "Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!"
"Aye! True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved."
