They had a long conversation about bark.
Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
βI canβt believe I blew 40 bucks in thereβ
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, βItβs you. I can tell by the voice.β
I herded through the grapevine
Boy-ant-C!
The Quaranteens
It was a shitzu.
Can you smell carrots?
Me: What'd you do today?
My toddler: Nothing
Me: Are you sure about that?
My toddler: That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
It was a Shih Tzu
Did they stick their fingers in an electrical socket?
"No... Why..?"
Well, then, how do you know if they were good conductors or not?
The match.
That's unheard of!
...It was a down grade.
That was the punchline
"Hey Cat, 'sup?"
I can tare them with one finger. I am SO sorry everyone have a great day.
But hey, at least he gave a shit.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
Iβve got a lot on.
Yes, there's a vas deferens.
The other replies βWell, Iβm a big metal fan.β
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and
... keep reading on reddit β‘I don't have thyme for this
The Earth answered: "Shore"
It was a Shih Tzu
My wife told me to get over it cause it was just one byte.
I said, βI refuse to make blanket statements.β
Thots and prayers
My coworker and I tried to apprehend them but they were just too phosphorusβ¦
He replied βRudolph the red knows rain dearβ.
He said, "What do you mean by that?"
βYou herd me!"
She gasped audibly and said, βYeah?β
I said, βHelp! My knee is made of magnets!β
The next minute you're turning down the stereo in the car so you can see better.
...she's on Catkins."
(one of these days my wife's eyes are gonna get stuck in the eye-rolling position)
Itβs elevator music
That was the punchline...
...... because if youβve seen Juan youβve seen Amal
It was a shitzu
