I got into a fight with my brother on the way to church today because he was positive that Jesus was an Intel processor guy....
When anybody with half a brain clearly knows he has a Ryzen
π︎ 21
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︎ Apr 04 2021
My wife said she saw a deer on the way to work today.
I said, that can't be true, deer don't work.
π︎ 41
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︎ Mar 02 2021
I got lost on my way to the store because I was...
π︎ 12
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︎ Feb 12 2021
My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.
Me: βHow do you know it was going to school?β
π︎ 119
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︎ Jan 14 2021
On the way to the therapist, I told my wife, βYou are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, arenβt you?β
She said, βYeah.β
I said, βI knew it!β
π︎ 61
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︎ Jan 27 2021
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, βDad get out of the way!β
I said, βYouβre the ones blocking!β
π︎ 16k
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︎ Jun 27 2020
Me and my Dad were in a car on our way to go hunting and saw a sign....
It said bear left, so we went home.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 12 2021
My co-workers and I would suffer from wrist pain when we would drive through a mountain on our way to work together
We were diagnosed with carpool tunnel syndrome
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 23 2021
Made this a while ago when I had way too much time on my hands
π︎ 27
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed?
π︎ 10k
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︎ Apr 16 2020
A bug hit my windshield on the way to work this morning
I said βI bet you donβt have the guts to do that againβ
π︎ 28
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︎ Nov 17 2020
My wife gave birth to our son in our car on the way to the hospital
π︎ 11
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︎ Nov 26 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
π︎ 11
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor!
π︎ 16
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︎ Nov 21 2020
I called my wife and told her I'd pick up pizza and coke on my way back home from work, but she's not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the twins.
π︎ 8k
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︎ Jan 26 2020
My daughter's teacher gave her a project to write the English alphabet on slips of paper. Unfortunately 25 letter slips got wrinkled on her way to school.
But atleast she has a smoothie
π︎ 11
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︎ Sep 24 2020
Phoned my wife and said, "Unbelievable...on the way to the bowling alley my tyre went flat."
"Have you got a spare?" she questioned.
"Honey," I sighed, "I'm not at the bowling alley yet."
π︎ 49
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︎ Aug 07 2020
I was passed by a truck full of donkeys on my way home
It was really hauling ass
π︎ 14
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︎ Sep 18 2020
So I walked into my daughter's room with a tape measure the other day, and she was lying on her bed reading a book. I stood in the doorway and started slowly extending the tape measure, all the way across the room, until it touched her cheek. "What??" she asked me. My response...
"I'm measuring your patience!"
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︎ Aug 24 2019
My friend was pregnant and had the baby in car on her way to the hospital
her husband named him "Carson"
π︎ 11
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︎ Aug 31 2020
I locked my door on the way in, but when I looked back, it was slightly ajar
π︎ 65
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︎ Mar 23 2020
I stumbled/fell on my way up the stairs today.
Girlfriends reaction "OMG did you hurt yourself?"
"No, but I felt the gravity of the situation"
Her response was attempted murder by trying to push me down the stairs
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 12 2020
I stopped at the bakery on my way to the park to feed the pigeons and a couple of them died!
I killed two birds with one scone.
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 01 2020
I was on my way to work this morning and I forgot how to put my seat belt on.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 20 2020
At the company picnic, my co-worker said he had some juicy gossip. He loaded up his plate but tripped on the way to my table...
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 03 2020
Girlfriend, my dog and I went hiking today and on the way up the mountain there was a big bee buzzing around my head.
So I said βBee-goneβ and my girlfriend shook her head. Best feeling ever.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jun 20 2020
I called my wife and asked her if I should pick up Fish and chips on the way home from work and she hung up.....
She's still angry she let me name the kids
π︎ 410
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︎ Oct 02 2019
Every morning on my way to work, the same bike comes and tries to run me over.
π︎ 66
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︎ Jan 21 2020
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my dad carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, βWhat are you going to do with it?β
He said, βLetβs cross that fridge when we get there.β
π︎ 12
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︎ Apr 30 2020
Noticed this on my way home.
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 20 2020
I'm on my way
My wife is 37 weeks pregnant and is scheduled to be induced this morning. She woke up last night just after midnight (I checked) to use the washroom and when she got back into bed I asked her if it was after 12 yet. She said she thought so and asked why. I told her I wanted to be the first to wish her a Happy Birth Day! She appropriately groaned then giggled, so I think I'm ready. Wish me luck!
Edit: We got him a couple hours ago! Everything went well, no complications. Thanks reddit strangers for the comments and well wishes. I know the rules say nothing identifying, 'oh when' ever they change that I'll post his name. Goodnight everyone, I have to try and nap before his feeding
π︎ 234
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︎ Jun 09 2019
Just got a delayed grin from my son on the way back to our hunting spot.
Son: Wow that stream is really rush'en.
Me: oh good that is so much better than German.
I just had to pick a country real quick not trying to make any statement....
π︎ 35
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︎ Dec 30 2019
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 04 2019
I called my wife and told her that Iβll pick up Fish and Chips on the way from work. She didnβt respond.
She is still mad about the names I gave our kids.
π︎ 580
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︎ Jan 30 2019
Every morning on my way to work, I slip on the frozen newspaper on our front porch.
Iβm fallen on some hard Times.
π︎ 36
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︎ Dec 08 2019
My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.
Me: βHow do you know it was going to school?β
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed...
π︎ 57
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︎ Nov 18 2020
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Mar 27 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
π︎ 18
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︎ Sep 22 2020
My wife recently gave birth on the way to the hospital.
π︎ 72
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︎ May 29 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. MOM: Oh my! Who!? DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 19 2020
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed
π︎ 53
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︎ Mar 27 2020
My Second son was born in the car on the way to the hospital.
π︎ 41
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︎ May 06 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way into town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
π︎ 2
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︎ May 01 2020
I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the kids.
π︎ 83
π
︎ Jan 22 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 07 2020
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way into town, apparently an actress just killed herself
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 30 2020
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed
π︎ 193
π
︎ Mar 27 2019
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