I made some ideas into images to put on to phone cases. This is my favourite - Get Off Your High Horse
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, β€œDad get out of the way!”

I said, β€œYou’re the ones blocking!”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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What do you call a duck that's high on drugs

A quackhead

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πŸ‘€︎ u/its_boogeyman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Thought y’all might enjoy these illustrated puns I found on the back of my English lit class notes from high school πŸ™ƒ
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tmkwee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalJunkie101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.

Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/levitron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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What did Baby Yoda say the first time he watched The Mandalorian on a high-def screen?

Not HDMI, because Baby Yoda can't speak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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I had a girlfriend in high school that I dumped when I found out she was missing a toe on her left foot...

I guess that makes me lack-toes intolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoggyOfAustralia
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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For my next performance I will sort out my checking account while on a high wire

It’s a balancing act

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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My wife asked, β€œHoney, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”

It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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What do frogs get high on?

Croak-aine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/195236
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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My girlfriend drew her eyebrows on too high

She seemed surprised

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oakenshield-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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I saw a radio on sale for only a dollar. Only catch was the volume was stuck on high.

I realized, I can’t turn this down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/binaryPilot84
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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What do fish get high on?

Seaweed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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My high school bully once drew a zero on my face with a magic marker

He really did a number on me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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I stormed into the library today demanding to know why the book on high conflict personalities I'd ordered still wasn't in.

"It's not our fault" said the librarian,

"That's the one" I replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows on too high the other day,

she looked surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yiedrik
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2018
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On which type of bus does everybody get high?

An Airbus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrQuesada
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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Must have been high on coke.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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Teaching cows to walk on a tightrope is a high-stakes game.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sticky-Wood
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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I was never able to ask my crush out on high school because I was math nerd

I guess I was 2Β² to ask her out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hasdf22
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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When I was in high school, our prank was to release pigs with 1,3 and 5 painted on them.

After looking for 2 and 4 like crazy they thought...... That's odd

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrock7784
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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I wish I was high on pot-enuse

(Math jokes)

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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What does a duck get high on?

Quack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bdub_7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do birds get high on?

Quack Cocaine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/miss_permafrost
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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I told my friend she had drawn her eyebrows on too high...

...she seemed surprised

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mellon_coliee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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[On a date] Her: So, what were you like in high school?

Me: You know there’s always a guy who drives a fancy car and has sex with all the cheerleaders?

Her: Yeah?

Me: I’m the guy who taught him calculus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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Playing poker with cows on drugs is playing with high steaks.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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I saw an ad on Craigslist for a free radio. The only thing wrong with it was that the volume knob was stuck on high.

I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwillhavethat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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My wife and I were arguing on an airplane. She was trying to convince me to join the mile high club...

I told her,

"I'm sorry, but I don't give a flying fuck."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugle_Boy_Jeans
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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What do you call a rodent high on life?

A Hamsterdam

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alltime75
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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I told my girlfriend she'd drawn her eyebrows on too high.

She didn't say anything, but she looked very surprised.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/suprjami
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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While my wife and I were dating in high school we were at this church lock in. I said, β€œCan’t wait till we get outta here and I can plant one on ya” she said, β€œWhat kinda flower”

No hesitation I say, β€œTulips”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vHRenegade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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I'm a man who likes to drive with high heels on...

I call it drag racing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Striddy2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
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What do Pirates get high on?

Seaweed.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments of my high school days come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 230
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows on too high.

She looked surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brisquet
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from my high school keep flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows on too high

She looked surprised

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specialservices
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2016
🚨︎ report
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Told my gf she was drawing her eyebrows too high on her forehead...

She looked surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all my embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report

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