Found out my wife is cheating on me today. When I asked when she’d be home she said β€œ10-15 minutes max”

My name is Stephen… πŸ˜”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dovahking13
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2022
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The truth about reindeer

Santa Claus and two reindeer walk into a bar and order eggnogs. "Hello, Santa," the bartender greets him. "Where are the other seven reindeer tonight?" "Oh, that's just a misunderstanding. I only actually have two reindeer," Santa corrects him. "Rudolph and Olive, the other reindeer."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2021
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Santa wakes in a start and turns to Mrs Claus

"I just had the weirdest dream, and I can't make any sense of it."

Mrs Claus sits up and replies "Why don't you tell me about it dear?"

"They're I am, doing the Christmas eve rounds, checking in on the workers and I see one of them topping up the sleigh with gas. It's just routine work, but it woke me up tonight. What do you make of it?"

"Oh I see," Mrs Claus says, "very interesting."

"Well?" Santa says expectantly.

"This is a classic example of an elf fuel filling prophecy."

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djott3r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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So, my girlfriend and i were doing some role play.

I was Santa she was a naughty girl. 'Unfortunately you've been a naughty girl and you're on Santas naughty list and wont be receiving any presents this year.' 'oh no Santa i really want a present i'll do anything to get on your good list' 'oh i dont know if there is a way i'm afraid' you're just going to have to bend over my knee and take your spank now.' bare butt spanks occur 'Please Santa let me on your good list I'm begging you' 'Well come to think of it there is a Claus in the contract' .... Then realising the accidental Santa Claus pun I made I had to be sure she got it. 'Get it! CLAUS HHAHAHA CLAUS LIKE SANTA CLAUS HAHAHAHHAA' yeah she didnt find it as funny as me... No sex for me..

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/p4nz3r
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2014
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Rudolph dressed up for delivering presents on Christmas day

Santa: β€œHey Rudolph! You’re looking fly today!” Rudolph: β€œOh Santa, you sleigh me!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zukie9988
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2017
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Roommate got me in the bathroom

Bought this Santa toilet seat cover for the downstairs bathroom

Asked roommate if he liked it

Roommate: "It's nice, but is it a Santatary?"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LarryLovehandles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
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'Tis the season for dad jokes!

I found this on a christmas card, and as someone that loves dad jokes more than life itself, here is goes

"What does Santa say when he walks backwards?"

"OH OH OH!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crassified
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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