33 Hilarious Not Anymore Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

I ran into my old barber today after going to a different guy for the last few months. He asked me why I’m not coming in to the shop anymore and I said,

“You just haven’t been cutting it lately.”

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👤︎ u/srpjr3795

📅︎ Apr 05 2021

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Why is Trump not allowed in the White House anymore?

Because it's forbiden.

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👤︎ u/juicy_rectum

📅︎ Mar 28 2021

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I decided not to get rid of my tumor anymore

I dont know why, i guess it just grew on me

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👤︎ u/C0alB0y

📅︎ Jan 30 2021

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Im not wearing glasses anymore

I've seen enough

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👤︎ u/CallMeKingCheez

📅︎ Jan 05 2021

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Not so 100 anymore...

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👤︎ u/Hzardous_

📅︎ Jan 21 2020

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Dogs can not contract coronavirus and do not have to quarantined anymore according to the world health organization

To clarify, WHO let the dogs out

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👤︎ u/wallaster27

📅︎ Apr 19 2020

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My dads not around anymore, told me he was gonna pop upstairs...

So he went upstairs and he popped.

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👤︎ u/Noodle08

📅︎ May 04 2020

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Not anymore

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👤︎ u/yesmodeset

📅︎ Oct 10 2019

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Alright people i will not hide it anymore, i love one.

What number do you love ?

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👤︎ u/Dr-Merg

📅︎ Jan 08 2020

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When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.

It becomes pooblic domain.

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👤︎ u/Gustavo6046

📅︎ Feb 07 2020

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Why was the borrowed money not afraid anymore?

Because it wasn't a loan any more.

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👤︎ u/Radish00

📅︎ Nov 27 2019

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Not 5/5 anymore but just why

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👤︎ u/LivingMemeL0rd69

📅︎ May 07 2019

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Me: “Billy passed out in the living room” Dad: “Well I guess it’s not the living room anymore”

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👤︎ u/awildspenappears

📅︎ Oct 13 2018

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I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.

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👤︎ u/FinalCaveat

📅︎ Jun 23 2019

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Did you hear about Five Guys restaurants not serving women anymore?

Apparently they fired one guy, so now it's Four Guys only.

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👤︎ u/Kyle_Clashes

📅︎ Jun 15 2017

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Are camo jokes not a thing anymore?

I can't see them anywhere.

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👤︎ u/PUBGForLyfe

📅︎ Jan 08 2019

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Toto, I Have A Feeling We're Not In Africa Anymore

Vampire's are killed by Holy water and the reason we never hear of vampires in Africa is because they bless the Rains down in Africa.

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👤︎ u/DoublewubbleA

📅︎ Jul 15 2019

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Why kids do not sleep in noon anymore?

Because they don't want to be kidnap...

Okay sorry.

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👤︎ u/JustALonelyCat

📅︎ Sep 14 2018

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How do you call a joke that's not funny anymore?

A dead joke

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👤︎ u/ooomonkeyooo

📅︎ Jun 04 2019

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I got in an argument with beauty supplies and now we're not friends anymore.

We just couldn't make up.

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👤︎ u/Jayraffe51

📅︎ Jul 05 2019

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Captain obvious is unfortunately not with us anymore.

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👤︎ u/Dankmonseiur69

📅︎ Oct 19 2017

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I'm not allowed at the local Vietnamese restaurant anymore...

I guess they decided to bánh mì for life.

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👤︎ u/cyberneticunicorns

📅︎ Oct 16 2018

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I've promised my family and friends not to sing Bruno Mars' Uptown Funk anymore

Dont believe me? Just watch.

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👤︎ u/ArashiKaru

📅︎ Jan 03 2019

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Wife: Honey I’m leaving you. Me: hi “im leaving you” I’m dad. Wife: not anymore, I’m taking the kids.

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👤︎ u/the_inner_fox

📅︎ Feb 04 2019

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"Im just not cut out for this anymore"

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👤︎ u/drewisaboss44

📅︎ Apr 01 2018

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What do you call the oil that's not edible anymore?

Spoil.

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👤︎ u/mr_pundey_69

📅︎ Feb 01 2018

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I'm not sure if i'm liked or hated in my class anymore

In class: Lady: Okay Tom where did you find that answer Me: On this graph Lady: And what did that look like Me: oh its quite graph-ic

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👤︎ u/Tom555

📅︎ Apr 26 2016

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Why my uncle is not allowed in church anymore

You know there's a lot of standing up and sitting down during services. When my uncle stood up, the woman in front of him turned around and slapped him in the face. And then she did it again. I heard he was then banned from church.

Later on I asked him what had happened and he said, "Well, when we stood up, I noticed her skirt was in a wedgie so I pulled it out. Then she slapped me. So I put it back."

And that is why my uncle is not allowed in church anymore.

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👤︎ u/lugasamom

📅︎ Apr 06 2014

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My wife is not sure about my big beard anymore.

I responded, "Well, it's really grown on me."

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👤︎ u/JCCwell

📅︎ Nov 03 2015

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Did you know Santa is not allowed to go down chimneys anymore?

It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety commission.

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👤︎ u/Kurac_Palac

📅︎ Oct 13 2015

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Today I told my son that he's not my favourite ten-year-old anymore.

It's his birthday.

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👤︎ u/wdn

📅︎ Feb 13 2015

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r/tumblr is not just for teenage girls anymore

http://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/2j3zv9/twin_adoption_problems/

Link to the pic directly: https://i.imgur.com/ebcoXCg.jpg

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👤︎ u/Damanveen

📅︎ Oct 13 2014

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Not even the sacred ritual of getting ready is safe for her anymore...

While doing her make-up -

"Ugh, the skin on my face is peeling."

"Babe, you know I have always found your face a-peeling."

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👤︎ u/theintention

📅︎ Apr 06 2015

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