Iโ€™m sorry sir no more reservations
๐Ÿ‘︎ 46
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You know why thereโ€™s no reserved parking at golf clubs?

Because everyone has a handicap

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SanguineL
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My friend asked me how I feel about indoor dining during the pandemicโ€ฆ

I said, โ€œI have no reservations!โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Old-McJonald
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 13 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I asked my dad today if doctors make a lot of money

He said โ€œNoโ€ son, that would be illegal. Only the Federal Reserve can make money.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/buckeyespud
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 05 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I took my dad to a nice restaurant.

The hostess asked us if we had a reservation. Without missing, a beat my dad said, โ€œNo, I am fully confident I want to eat here.โ€œ

๐Ÿ‘︎ 24
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/EcksMarksDespot
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Wife: I'm having second thoughts about booking a week long stay at the teepee camp

Me: No, you're just having a reservation reservation reservation

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Chateau512
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Great list of excellent puns

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crรชpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop

any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd

never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians in America first? They had reservations.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she

couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A theasaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The

police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Donโ€™t worry about old age; it doesnโ€™t last.

My friend sent me these puns idk source just thought you would enjoy

๐Ÿ‘︎ 213
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/benschweiz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 15 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Wife's 40th

My wife is turning 40. I called to book a reservation at her favorite restaurant. The manager asked if it was a surprise. I said, "No, she knows that she's turning 40."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Critical-Error-75
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
EVERY time we would go out to a fancy restaurant

Maรฎtre d': "Do you have reservations?" Dad: "No, we're pretty sure we want to eat here." [rest of us facepalm]

๐Ÿ‘︎ 219
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kyzylwork
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I thought my kids would be nervous about trying the new Indian restaurant in town...

but they had no reservations

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hutimuti
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Hotel Rewards Program

I work as a front desk associate for a major hotel chain that has a rewards program, but the guest checking in, a Mr. Zingone, didn't have it on his reservation. I tried searching for it several different ways, just the surname "Zingone," just his phone number, but ultimately could not find his account information.

So I told him, "Well, you may have had a membership, but it looks like it's... Zin-gone..."

He told me no more humor, just get me to my room. I think he was just as impressed, however.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/failbender
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 01 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Let's Go To Vegas!

My older brother texts my Dad and me today and says, "Let's go to Vegas tonight." Never one to be interested in gambling, my Dad suggests going to one of the nearby Indian Reservation casinos. The problem is, the local casinos have only card games - so my brother responds with, "Nah, no craps."

My Dad's response, "Then just take one before you go."

I chortled.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/phanfromcheese
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A parking dad joke

So the other day my dad had to drive me into my school and when we got in the parking lot there were no close spots open. Not except for the parking spots that were "for the reserved" which were given to the teachers. My dad said "Maybe I should change my name to reserved"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LowBatteryDamnIt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Pun overload!

My Dad sent me this list of punny sayings last Christmas. It explains a lot...

Punny sayings!

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen.

Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gibbens15
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.