No jokes about the war with Ukraine and Russia are permitted.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
The Egyptians claim there are no crocodiles in their country.
I think they're in de Nile.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox?
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?
How do you call a teapot that have no tea in it
I just learned that the previous owner of my home did all of the electrical work himself with no prior experience.
I proposed to my girlfriend at the gym and she said "no."
I guess it didn't workout.
No matter how much you push the envelope
It'll still be stationery
No jokes about Russia and Ukraine please, don't be a Donbass
I literally just last week realized there is no such thing as "the heavy end" 🤦
I am a 28 year old male, and for as long as I can remember every time me and my dad move something, such as a chair, or a couch, or a coffee table, he said "alright I'll get the heavy end" and idk why I always just assumed he was being nice and getting the heavier side.
And it literally just occurred to me within the last few weeks when we picked something up, there's no heavy end. They're both the same weight 😭😭😭
Edit: I understand certain things have heavy ends, which is why I initially believed it. And then never questioned it any further.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
I’ve just seen a man with no arms cycle past me
I’m not sure of his name but his face rang a bell.
A duck waddles into the drug store and says, “Sorry, I don’t have my wallet today but I really need to buy a condom.” The pharmacist chuckles, “No problem, shall I just put it on your bill?” The duck exclaims quacks in surprise...
“Sir! What kind of a duck do you think I am?!”
I hate people with no toes.
Some might say I'm lack toes intolerant.
Which kind of bears have no teeth?
What’s a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What’s a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
Now, what’s a cow with 2 legs?
>!Your Mom!<
What do you call a dad joke with no kids or wives around?
Why are there no vampires in africa?
Because “I blessed the rains down in africa!!!!!”
No matter how kind you are
German children are kinder.
[META] What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Me and my friend were on a boat with 3 cigarettes but no lighter
So we threw the 3rd cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter
TIL the swordfish has no natural predators to be afraid of, except for...
...the penfish, which is thought to be mightier.
I went to the dog beach yesterday. Everyone was freaking out and running for their lives. I have no clue why.
I didn’t have time to figure it out though, I was busy trying to find my lost dog “Shark”.
Where do you find a dog with no legs
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Does it matter? It’s not going to come to you.
I think it's sexist that there are pop tarts but no mom tarts.
I blame the pastry-archy.
My 7 yo son: Imagine this room has no doors or windows, how do you get out?
Me: Break the wall?
Him: Just wake up from your imagination.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
My 10 y/o no kidding told me about this today in his class. 5th grade.
Student #1: was acting rude and obnoxious toward other students in class
My kiddo: "Stop acting rude"
Student #1: "Make me"
Student #2 (a friend of my kiddo): "Your Mom and Dad already made that mistake."
No one gets on my nerves
the way my acupuncturist does
what do you call a bear with no teeth?
My 6 year olds just told me this at breakfast. “What does a cow with no lips say?”
There's no end in sight. I have no control and there is no escape. I'm pretty sure my home is broken.
I'm going to need a new keyboard.
My wife hates that I have no sense of direction
So I packed up and right.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole?
What do you call a fly with no wings?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
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