Breaking news: a cruise ship collided this morning with a barge on a tour of the Mediterranean Sea carrying the worlds largest caramel custard dessert.

Eyewitness reports state that the ship hit the flan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedShirtCashion
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Breaking News In The Sports World:

Olympic finalist in the new event Camping Aquipment Setup quits and forfeits 1st place, 'It was just two tents.'

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2021
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A new disease is sweeping the world. It's a type of nostril infection, very costly to test for

But one man, born with extra sensitive smelling, has been providing free exams to the public to eradicate this new threat. Dr. Theodore Nose of UCH Hospital has a long line of patients waiting every morning, wanting the incredible accuracy of this man.

And as his secretary says...

No one's nose knows noses like Nose's nose knows noses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRichTookItAll
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
A good title for a conservative news article a couple days ago when Trump declared β€œStop the count!” after Biden started making gains but Trump still could’ve shocked the world would’ve been...

β€œTrump’s Not Down For the Count”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
There is a new reality show where flat earthers are trying to find the edge of the world.

They will be so disappointed when the finale is not a cliffhanger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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Breaking World News

Germany has just warned its population of an upcoming susage and cheese shortage. They are calling it the wurst kΓ€se scenario.

That is all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingOfCurl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.

This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.

Joke by Terry Pratchett, β€˜The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WatashiStickKid
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Have you heard about the new game getting released? It’s AI is 20 years ahead of it’s time, graphics are truly real life, an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible. It’s called:

Go outside and ride your bike

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
An old man was telling his friend about his new hearing aid, "the greatest in the world!" "You can hear a pin drop."

Friend: Wow! What kind is it?

Old man: quarter past 2.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Pigeons are the new leaders of the bird world

There was a military coo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/D3ltaforc3
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the ignorant man say when he heard the Corona virus had been given a new name by the world health organisation

WHO?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hetchem994
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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What's the name of that new rap group taking the world by storm with an infectious sound ?

The Wuhan Clan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinyroundballs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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BREAKING NEWS: scientists have discovered what might be the world's largest bedsheet. More on that as it unfolds.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robot-Downey-Jr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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A condom manufacturer kept getting criticized because its new gimmicks never did anything for women. So they did what any good company would do and went to the most knowledgeable frog in the world for advice. You know what the frog said?

β€œRibbit.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smacksmackums
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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"DELETER OF THE FREE WORLD" - New York Post front page on the Hillary email scandal imgur.com/0BNIPzn
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wazzzzah
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
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I’m a bit uneducated. Whenever the World Health Organization is in the news…

I gotta ask β€œWHO?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deceze
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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The World Health Organization is hosting a new event to show their thoughtfulness and concern for human health

The event will be affectionately named WHO Cares

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πŸ‘€︎ u/197708156EQUJ5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
[OC]My new friends have the largest collection of Japanese animation in the world.

With friends like these who needs animes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mewlingquimlover
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
🚨︎ report
There's a new action video game where you build whole digital worlds but there's no sound.

Its called Mimecraft

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apollonius_Cone
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.

Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognized none of those."

"I'm sorry Sir," says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it," he says, "I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

"I really am terribly sorry," says the young assistant, "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
🚨︎ report
With all the upsetting news in the world today, here's something to cheer you up.

something

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manHeath
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2017
🚨︎ report
There's a new evil group of people who control the world's cheese...

The Hallouminati.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/punsize
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
🚨︎ report
The new Chinese athlete at the World Athletics Championships

Listening to the BBC coverage when the presenter said it was time to see Who Won What. I told my son and wife "Ah yes, the promising young Chinese athlete". The groaning is my victory!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mooders
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2015
🚨︎ report
New Zealand is one of the remotest countries in the world

In fact, on average, we have about five remotes per household.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madzanta
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2015
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