Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
Iβm on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Apr 11 2021
I'm starting my new job as a human chess piece.
The money is great. I'm on knights next week.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
Iβve started a new job repairing periscopes.
π︎ 50
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
My friend told me their new job pays $300k, before taxes.
I said, "that's just gross.."
π︎ 25
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
Got a new job as a priest in a stable near Johannesburg...
I bless the reins down in Africa...
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
Just accepted new job at a bicycle factory
Gonna be their spokes person
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
I once new a hooker. I asked her how she liked her job.
She said m eh. Thereβs a lot of coming and going.
Itβs an an in and out type of job.
Edit; knew* thank you.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
I'm thinking on getting a new job.
Working in a mirror factory is something I could see myself doing.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
Recently moved to a new place and position for my job. Boss on the first day said "Hey Paul glad you made it, how you liking your new office?"
I said "I think you forgot my name, but I'm a Justin Well, thanks."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.
They're to prevent meltdowns.
π︎ 239
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
I just got a new job as a guillotine operator....
π︎ 142
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
I got promoted at my job and my new office is up in a tree house.
π︎ 162
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
Why did the archeologist have to get a new job?
Because her career was in ruins!
π︎ 195
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
My job installed this new faucet. Im really faucinated by it
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
I hate my new job in the shoe recycling plant
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
Just got a new job as a waiter.
The pay isnβt great, but it puts food on the table.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
Every new McDonald's creates 40 new jobs...
20 heart surgeons and 20 dentists.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
A priest in a big church in Paris has a job interview with a new bell ringer. The priest asks βwhy should I hire you?β The applicant responded βI have a special talent!β
βOh, and what is this special talent?β Asked the priest.
The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.
At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!
βYouβre hired!!β He exclaimed.
The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.
A bystander asked βwho is he?β
The priest responded βI donβt know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!β
π︎ 46
π
︎ Jul 19 2020
I got pizza for everyone the day I started my new job as manager...
It was my first order of business
π︎ 123
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
Why did the elevator repair tech want to get a new job?
He was tired of all the ups and downs.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Aug 04 2020
When I came home from my first day at my new job my wife asked me what my new schedule was like. I said it looks like Rihanna...
...because all I can see is work, work, work, work, work...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
I just got a new job at a prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Feb 21 2019
Started a new job recently and my fiance asked me if there was a gym in my building...
I said, not sure I haven't met everyone yet. She was not amused.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jan 04 2019
I started my new job at the local hospital helping to move patients around the hospital
Itβs not much, but itβs a rewarding job
π︎ 78
π
︎ Jan 25 2020
I told my wife I hated her new eyebrow job.
She looked very surprised.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
Got a job selling new tails to animals that lose them.
I work in retail sales...
π€¨
π︎ 29
π
︎ Mar 13 2020
What did one sea monster say to the other sea monster when they started their new jobs as sewer inspectors?
Itβs going to be a Nessie job, but letβs get Kraken!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
I got a new job crushing cans..
π︎ 18
π
︎ Mar 11 2020
I got a new job this week as the senior director of Old McDonaldβs farm...
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Sep 04 2018
I started a new job building custom bookcases...
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 13 2020
My friend peanut butter called me today said he had great news about his job
Apparently he is on celery now!
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 09 2020
I am killing it at my new job
Said the young executioner
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 20 2020
Why did the fungi farmer turn down the job offer at a new farm with higher pay?
There wasn't mush-room to grow there.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 01 2019
So I just had my first day at my new job at Subway... My boss told me they've never seen someone as bad as me...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 02 2020
Did you hear about the farmer who got fired from his new office job?
Apparently he misunderstood the term "spread-sheet"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 27 2020
Why did the C++ programmer do so well at his new job as a packaging and design engineer?
Because he was very good at orienting objects.
(Okay this is a really technical dad joke, but isn't that what they're supposed to be?)
π︎ 87
π
︎ Dec 29 2018
One of my feminist friends managed to get herself a new job recently, and literally the first thing her boss asked her to do was to make him a sandwich! Naturally my friend took a stand and quit on the spot, she's even talking about boycotting the entire company.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 08 2019
I got a new job monitoring someoneβs twitter and Instagram messages
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 13 2019
Start my new job at the butter factory tomorrow
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 03 2019
My new job has me moving boxes upon boxes of pickles.
I find the whole procedure rather cumbersome.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 11 2019
I brought my skills learned in the army to my new job, working to fix animals...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 27 2019
I'm really happy with my new job in the mine.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Apr 11 2019
Why did the archaeologist have to get a new job?
Because her career was in ruins!
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
Got a new job at the guillotine factory.
I'll beheading there shortly.
π︎ 328
π
︎ Mar 23 2020
I got a new job at the guillotine factory
I'll be heading there shortly
π︎ 18
π
︎ Apr 07 2020
Just got a new job as a waiter
it's not great but it puts food on the table.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 22 2020
Got home from my new job at the morgue. Wife asked how my first day was.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 02 2019
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