Being the new guy can suck
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whippymcdumbass
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the new car sales guy say when the customer asked about the cargo space?

β€œNo. No. This car go road.”

(saw a meme with this awhile back. Gets me every time)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rdrTrapper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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Have you guys checked the news today?

No rush.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zjunkmale
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
You guys hear about the new rock band that has 4 men but don’t sing?

Called Mount Rushmore

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/streety22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy brings his friend to see his new lake house. When they get there, they see a goose on the front steps.

The friend says "hey, is he yours?"

The guy replies "yep, kept him after I found him alone by the lake. He can't communicate with any of the other birds."

His friend looked confused. "Is he mute?"

"No. I think he speaks porch geese."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks β€œWhat are you counting?”

And the guy says β€œhow many tattoos I have now”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deepsea333
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the new element that was created (Ah)

The element of surprise.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MushuTheGreat17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Two French IT guys have come up with a new system to share files electronically.

It’s a Pierre to Pierre network.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the new Space Jam sequel where Marvin the Martian joins the Monstars, scores all of their points and they win it all?

You should check it out, it’s a really good Martian Scores’easy film

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AquamarineCheetah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
New clients will flock to these guys
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jstarj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.

I think it was Scampoo.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deceze
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that the Indian restaurant hired a new delivery guy?

He’s a top-notch curry-er.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mondata
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new Halloween movie where the guy screams his lungs out?

It was breathtaking

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you seen that new Chinese/Mediterranean restaurant started by that guy from Cairo?

It's called Wok like an Egyptian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paladin_Aranaos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you guys heard that new rumor going around about butter...?

no...? Well I don't think I should be spreading it...

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h_cordeiro8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walked into a bar in New Orleans and ordered a Corona Extra and two Hurricanes.

The bartender said "that'll be $20.20"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey guys! I invented a new word!

It’s β€œplagiarism”.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/m1a1vet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you guys heard about those new corduroy pillowcases in the news?

I'm sure you have, they're really making head lines.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Guy has new tenants!
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StillPatience
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new craze where guys bedazzle their testicles?

It's Pretty Nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 204
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wileydan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop coughing when he went to try his new suit?

He had a coughing fit.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunytou
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy was watching the news and saw that a famous celebrity had died. He called his friend to let him know.

Jim: Did you hear that Reece Whats-her-name died while eating a bowl of soup?

Joe: No way! Witherspoon???

Jim: Yes, of course.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a brand-new top-of-the-line string trimmer of a guy on craigslist for only $20

it was a total Stihl

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrF4rtB4rf
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard on the news that some guy was stealing wheels off police cars.

The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hemanth1797
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Me and some other guys like to get together at the local supermarket to show off our rare breed black-feathered chickens. New guy today mustn't have understood because...

There was an unexpected white hen in the bragging area

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mittenshape
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey guys, I just tested out my new sledgehammer!

Let’s just say the experience was groundbreaking.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sonicxwwe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy wakes up from surgery. "How'd it go, Doc?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that we amputated the wrong leg...

The good news is that your other leg is all better."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heinz-enberg_
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I once new a guy that used to do circumcisions

He told me, β€œThe money isn’t great, but I get to keep the tips”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jarl_draven
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
We have a new design! What do you guys think about it?

Hey, since we (the new mods) joined the sub 1,5 months ago we've made some changes, mostly with the rules and some backend stuff. Now I also updated the icon (slightly) and the banner (on redesign and mobile), too.

What do you guys think about it?

Do you like it? ( Yes/No ). What could be improved about it?

Also, are you happy with how we're moderating the subreddit? Are we too strict with the rules or toulouse too loose? Do the rules even make sense?

We want to improve this subreddit and we need your feedback for that, so feel free to speak your mind!

You can either simply leave a comment down here in the thread or send us a message.

Looking forward to your feedback and have a nice day! :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yayoletsgo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
You guys heard about the new dinosaur specie with no eyes?

Scientists name them Idontthinktheysaurus

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banhgiaygio
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Ok guys. Time to rally together to help a fellow new dad out. I’m MCing a wedding and need the worst of the worst wedding themed dad jokes you have to offer.

Sorry I’m advance if this isn’t allowed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derkus19
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Guy Ritches started on a new film about a killer virus...

Lock doors, stockpile and two runny nostrils

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear of the new documentary about perforated paper?

It was tearable.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you guys see the new Adventures of Tin Tin movie? His soul gets removed from his body and put into an industrial drum fan.

I'd rate it tin out of tin. Big fan

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DripSquirt
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy handing out Bayer to those who are told bad news? /r/Jokes/comments/exjm59/…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œI’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says to this guy. β€œYou’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” β€œOh, that’s terrible!” says the man. β€œGive it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?” β€œTen…” the doctor says slowly.

β€œNine... eight… seven...”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a really hairy guy who is new to the army

A wookie

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Llamaz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Guys I have news

Gilbert Gottfried

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kernel_panic_guys
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm in the middle of developing a new game. This guy came to life today and I just love his character so much!
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/udipadhikari
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the new shovel?

It’s ground breaking

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Guys, I got a new Apple Watch for Christmas!
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItzYaBoi25
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
*after the train had had trouble stopping in the right spot for multiple consecutive stops* Mom: I guess the guy driving is new.

Dad: Maybe he's a trainee.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the new cemetery in town?

People are just dying to get in there

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheaterpeefo
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear the news an ape opened a tanning salon in Bangkok I know heard he named it β€œA Range Of Tans”
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElMichoacano
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you guys tried this new "Vajazzle for Dads" kit?

It's pretty nuts!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RancidLemons
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Help me guys! I tried to film a cake being baked, with my new camera, but when I turned on the oven, it broke

I swear that it said the camera could record in 360 degrees, on the box

Edit: corrected a typo

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielnm1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Guys I just made up a new word!

Plagiarism

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blackdragonyt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you guys heard about these new corduroy pillowcases?

They're really making headlines!

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WheelyMac
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard on the news there was a guy in town stealing the wheels off police cars

The cops are working tirelessly to catch him (Got it from r/memes)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/12thNazgul
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report

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