Horses are nothing but a bunch of neigh-sayers.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Just-Aman
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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A television newslady is interviewing a horse that can tell whether a person is a homosexual or not. "Am I homosexual?" Asked the newslady. "Neigh," said the horse.

The newslady turns to the camera and says, "you heard it folks. 'Straight' from the horses mouth."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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People who say horses can't be derpy are neigh-sayers v.redd.it/uea1i306pj631
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayisforhorses101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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All horses are neigh-sayers.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaldHeadSlick69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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Eating horse meat? Yay or neigh?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stence_88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2017
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My daughter wants a horse...

But first we need a stable income.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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My horse has insomnia and keeps everyone awake

She's a nightmare

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Just horsing around...

Background: we have two horses who have their own paddocks next to each other and are both the same age but not related. My 6 year old daughter was helping me pick the horse poop up in the paddocks today.

My daughter: β€œdad are our two horses brothers or just best friends?”

I said: β€œthey are not brothers sweet heart and I am not sure they are best friends, but one things for sure - they definitely are neigh-bours.

She laughed, I laughed. It was my proudest dad joke moment ever!! Haha.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smurfman1900
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Why did the cow and the horse start a business together?

They figured they could make a lot of Moo Neigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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The injured horse was brought home.

She is now in stable condition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayZinnet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
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Giddy up

I call my Horse "Mayo"
And sometimes Mayo neighs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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It's crazy how equestrians think they're so much better than the rest of us.

Get off your high horse, man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryansway
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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Knock Knock

-Who’s there

-quiet horse

-quiet horse who

-(in a whisper) neigh

Sorry if this has been posted before.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shump23
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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A horse walks into a bar and grill...

The bartender says, "hey."

The horse says, "neigh. But I'll take some Quick Oats for the road."

The asphalt in the corner says, "thanks."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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A horse walks into a bar and stands next to the counter quietly.

The bartender eventually asks if the horse wants a drink.

The horse says "Neigh"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MYZS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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Just got caught off-guard by my eleven-year-old daughter.

So, in true dad spirit, I asked my daughter if she'd heard about the man raised by horses.

After I delivered the "difficult childhood, but a stable environment" punchline, she groaned and said, "I thought you were going to say he was your neigh-bour."

She learns fast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/churplaf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
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Blonde jokes are the best

So a blonde, brunette, and a ginger are running from the cops, they run into a barn, the blonde hides behind a barrel, the brunette hides behind a horse, the ginger hides behind a cow, the cops show up and yell "come out we know you're in there!" The brunette says "neigh neigh," the ginger says "moo moo," the blonde says "barrel barrel."

It's a bit of a basic joke but it makes me chuckle so wanted to share it.πŸ˜πŸ‘

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamern1nja2000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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April’s showers bring sad horses.

A horse was in a hurry to make a sandwich before the last day of the month of April but was missing one ingredient, as 12:01 rolled around, all the horse had to say was β€œMay? Oh!” β€œNeighs”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slothking666
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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A horse trotted into a bar.

"I must have forgotten that Trump set the bar so low" he mumbled as he picked himself up and staggered into the bar and grill next to it. Upon seeing him, the bartender said, "hey!" The horse said, "neigh... but I'll take one for the road." The asphalt in the corner said, "thanks horse. Why the big pause?" The horse replied, "oh this is my friend the bear. He was born with big pas." "Yeah," said the bear. "I was adopted by two grizzly fathers. Turns out they weren't koala-fied to give birth to me." "Ugh," said the chicken after seeing how late it is. "I'm late to get to the other side of the road. See ya all later!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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My wife despises a certain condiment

I asked if she had ever heard of the local horse impersonator? That man neighs!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmeanmustid
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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Helped my son get my wife

Me: "What does a horse say?"

4 y/o: "Neigh!"

Me: "Horses are neigh-sayers?"

4 y/o: "Yup." Runs into the other room. "Horses are neigh-sayers!" (Laughs hysterically)

Wife, not impressed: "What are you teaching him?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gymdykeorbetter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2016
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A horse walks into a bar...

So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks if he wants a beer. The horse goes "neigh." So the bartender kicks him out for wasting space, and on top of it, horsing around. 30 minutes later, a donkey comes in, orders the most expensive drink and a round for the house. When it comes time to pay the tab, the donkey says, "oh, by the way, you kicked out my husband, a horse, earlier," then walks out without paying. The bartender was upset, but knew he'd serve the occasional horse's ass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue8844
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2017
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Saw a horse with spots like a cow...

My wife and I drove by a horse that had spots like a cow.

Me: What’s a cow horse like that’s favorite thing to barter with? MOO-NEIGH

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πŸ‘€︎ u/n64bking15
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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Horse Puns

Funniest horse puns and jokes

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: β€œHey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: β€œWhat, George?”


A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. β€œEvenin’” says the barman, β€œwhy the long face?”


A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: β€œWait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: β€œThis alright?” The barman says: β€œHmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”


A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: β€œI shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” β€œWhy, what have you got?” β€œAbout Β£2 and a carrot.”


Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours


A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. β€œWill I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: β€œOf course you will, and you’ll probably win!”


Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!


A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.

β€œI’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. β€œWe don’t serve spirits..


A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. β€œExcuse me, good sir,” the horse says, β€œare you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, β€œSorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. β€œWhy would the circus need a bartender?”


Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.


What did the horse say when it fell? β€œI’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”


Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.


A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.


Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!


What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!


What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?


What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Wife got me at Ikea

We were passing by a stuffed horse, and I said "hey, want to buy a horse?" to which she replied "neigh"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dknowles2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2016
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Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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Dadjoked my husband

I'm a little embarassed about this. Here goes:

Playing with the triplets before bedtime, when two of them were asking Dad to be the horse.

Kids: Horse! Horse! Dad: Not tonight, guys. Me: Sorry kids, your dad said, "neigh."

I thought it was funny, which I believe is all that matters.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaberkaty
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2014
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Dad joke about horse bondage (sfw)

My 2 year old daughter was playing with a toy horse and wrapping a pink ribbon around it. It was starting to look like a bondage scene so I turned to my wife and said: "Look honey, 50 shades of neigh". She shook her head harder than Michael J. Fox.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShortTemperedGeek
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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Do horses eat chicken?

Daughter: Do horses eat chicken?

Dad: No.

Daughter: How do you know?

Dad: I asked a horse about that once. It said "Neigh."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalKid007
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2014
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A Chinese New Year Salutation: dadjoke edition.

In honour of the year of the horse:

Kung 'neigh' fat choi!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fubarite
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2014
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I bought a horse

I bought a horse and called it mayo because mayo neighs.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ezeei
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2017
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Why do you always want to live next to a horse?

Because a horse is always a good NEIGH-bor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silversaturn48
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2016
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A horse walks into a bar....

He says to the bartender "can I get a Horse Coke?"

The bartender says "is Horse Pepsi okay?"

The horse responds "Neigh."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ActionHobo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2016
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