Naughty Golf Puns

1. Look at the size of his putter.

2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.

3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

6. Lift your head and spread your legs.

7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.

8. Just turn your back and drop it.

9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.

10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

One of my favorite shows of all time is Curb Your Enthusiasm. There was a minor subplot in the 8th season of Larry David's close friend Marty getting a divorce after Larry did. In one of the episodes, Marty decides to rededicate himself to Judaism as a way of finding himself after the divorce. There's a rabbi he goes to visit and basically asks her if he can do pretty much anything. Larry roasts Marty by saying "fine, go ask mommy rabbi for permission to play golf with us next weekend!"

This got me thinking about how a lot of grown-ass adult Christians behave. Especially fundigelicals. I saw a clip recently from a YouTuber who posts videos criticizing various components of Christianity. He had a clip of Paul and Morgan asking if Christians should watch Game of Thrones. First of all, nobody should watch Game of Thrones. The ending was infamously terrible. Secondly, and perhaps most important of all, YOU ARE A GROWN ADULT!! Watch whatever the fuck you want.

"Are Christians allowed to watch blank" is something I surprisingly heard more as an adult believer than as a child. Which is very telling.

It's indicative of what I talk about a lot: growing up with the word of Jesus or whatever happens at the expense of growing up in a way that's beneficial from a social-emotional standpoint.

A 35 year old Christian who asks his pastor if it's okay to see Spider-Man No Way Home because it might have "naughty words" is not much different from a 10 year old asking a parent if he can go see the same movie for the same reason.

Another one I've seen a lot is "should Christians do yoga?"

Bruh...... make your own decisions!

Not only is it an indication of the social-emotional immaturity Christianity inspires, but also how their definition of "freedom" is actually subjugation.

Christians really often fundamentally misunderstand words. Don't fucking get me started on how they misuse "humble".

Is this something you've noticed? What have you seen in the category of "are Christians allowed to blank"?

I, like an idiot, read the initial leaks and was put off by the game. “Really, Joel dies by a golf club? #notmygame”

It wasn’t until recently after completing the OG game and the DLC that my hunger for more led me to playing part 2… and let me tell you

PART 2 IS GREAT. Holy shit I couldn’t have had a better time playing. Story aside — the gameplay and level design is so much better in my opinion. It feels so fluid and those horrible swimming raft sections were a thing of the past. This game never slowed down for me unlike part 1.

Now about the story... Abby is a really great character. That was the biggest surprise for me — to having not only liked Abby but was kinda rooting for her. In the final confrontation at the beach I was screaming “I’m sorry, Abby!” as I was drowning her.

I really like how you get to see the events from her perspective and come to understand that she was on the same revenge quest that Ellie is on now. And that leads to one of the themes of the game — what is the cost of revenge? So many people get caught up in the cross fire of “well you did this to me so I gotta do that to you”. The WLF and Seraphites conflict ignited again because some kids broke the truce and now we gotta invade the island cause fuck it?

This game is truly a masterpiece. I don’t think I can accurately say which story is better because they are so different. The first one is a classic father-daughter journey and the second one is violence porn that you can play. Both are equally great. Both are worthy as naughty dogs greatest games.

I will now spread the prophet’s good word and tell everyone about this game. May your survival be long!

Spoiler

Joel had a great death

I always see the argument that Joel got what he deserved. Which is an argument in its own but what I never really see is Joel death works really well. Think about it. From a gameplay standpoint and as a story it works as a motive to fire the player up to feel exactly as Ellie feels which drives the player. They connect Ellie with the player emotionally to tell this story and it pays off. We see Ellie’s rage at first and over the course of the story we get less and less angry because it’s not worth it anymore. The game is very long but I think the point is to show the toll of Ellie and Abby’s hatred toward each other. You think the game ends after Abby wins but it doesn’t. It does a lot more after that because they are trying to draw out the time consuming need for revenge. They keep going with it because they want the player to finally want to stop fighting and just let alone. Kind of how Ellie does in the end.

Another thing I see is Joel dying wasn’t the problem, it’s the not dying a heroes death. First of all this world is unforgiving and a seriously screwed up place. I feel like people forget the death of Tess,Sam,and Henry. Those were hard deaths and were not “heroic” but because they aren’t loved as much it’s ok. Naughty dog realize this world and this game doesn’t need a heroes death especially for a killer like Joel. Joel got murdered with a golf club because even though I love the character, he had it coming. He knew his luck was eventually gonna run out. I like how raw his death is and it feels realistic to this world because people die all the time and it isn’t heroic. Death (especially in this world) is brutal and many have faced it from Joel. I like how serious and raw his death is and they say “Joel got treated bad”. They spent most of the game showing flashbacks and honoring him in ways. I like how they used this world to continue the realism and violence we have seen in the first game and not being pressured to playing it safe because Joel and Ellie are beloved characters. They treat the audience like adults and I appreciate it

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

And boy are my arms legs.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

So, to set some context, I relocated during the pandemic, so the places I usually went for things are no longer an option.

I try to avoid Big-Box retail for a variety of reasons. First: they don't train their people, so the guy who comes here for a living doesn't know where anything is. Second: they can't keep their people, so I don't know anybody, and nobody knows me. This makes the service suck. These problems have only been made worse by the aforementioned pandemic. At smaller places, your shopping experience is better, and the money stays local.

All that said, on to my story.

I like to pick up heavy things and put them down again. This occasionally needs supplies. I occasionally do things outside, like Farmers Carry, or Stone Carry, things like that. This means I have to drag a bunch of weight plates up the stairs from my basement, through the house, out to wherever I'm going to do what I'm doing, and then put them back again. The wife lost her patience with this, and told my cheap self to go buy a set of plates to keep in the garage for this purpose.

I haven't been able to find anyplace near me that supplies them locally, so I'm forced to go to Big-Box Sporting Goods, or Online River Retail. Since it's a nice day, and I don't want to wait for Online River Retail, off I go to Big-Box Sporting Goods.

I decide on a set of grip plates, pick them up, and head to the register. I ask the young lady if I can leave them there while I go get another pair. The cashier, who probably weighs about as much as the two plates I was carrying, asks me to put them on the unused counter to one side of her, so she can keep ringing up other customers, and come back to her when I was ready.

I get back to the Heavy-Things section, grab 2 more plates, and head back for the register. I get there, and realize that I should probably re-stock on tape, chalk, and other things for the outside section so i don't have to run back and forth. Because if I get gym chalk all over the living room carrying that outside, I will certainly encounter La Chancla <ominous music>. I beg the cashiers indulgence for just a little longer, leaving 4 plates on an empty register, and head back.

As I pass the golf shirts, a Wild Karen appears she steps out from between two racks DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME raises both of her hands to snap in my face and goes directly to the screaming. Now, as youve probably guessed, I'm a good size guy. I'm not so huge that you wonder if

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

And now I’m cannelloni

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

The r/golf Secret Santa 2021 FAQ has arrived!

simple questions about this year's Secret Santa are starting to get a little out of hand so I thought I'd make a post with some background and answers and hopefully the Mods can sticky this and new users can refer to it over the next week or so.

r/Golf Secret Santa FAQ

BACKGROUND:

u/TR15UCK and u/samrej have run this very successfully the past couple years and sadly they have become too busy this year to continue their amazing involvement.

Please take time to thank them or personally reach out.

Please do not contact them or reach out to them for any complaints or issues, that is what the new organizers are for.

Users u/LunaNoxxx77 and u/whatdaduce have volunteered to take over the logistics and organizing while u/ChiodoS04 is working beside them to help keep them honest.

Be patient with us as we get everything going, we are doing this entirely on a voluntary basis and are working around the clock to ensure we continue this amazing tradition to the same level as the last hosts.

HOW DOES IT WORK?:

Simply, a sign up post will be created by the hosts and will be stickied here on the front page of r/golf for a week or so.

You complete the online form (double check spelling of usernames and everything as that can be a reason you get left off if they can't find the correct profile) and then wait for a bit as they process.

Generally in the past they would make a post again when everyone has been matched up so you should know by then if something went wrong and you didn't get matched (mistakes happen on both sides, be polite and work with them and they've been more than flexible in the past with people. If you complain or bemoan, you might end up on the naughty list. Remember we are doing this as a voluntary service, for the community).

You'll get your match information in an email (you'll provide the email address in the form) from one of the hosts and then you're off!

There should be some basic info about preferences and a name and address.

Check profiles to learn more about your recipient and get to buying!

There's a $25 minimum to try to keep things fair, but the sky's the limit and be as generous as you want to be!

Try to get things shipped out as promptly as reasonably possible, remember things get worse the closer to the Holidays we get and people often go out of town around then so the earlier the better in most cases.

If you order from Amazon you could easily just ship it to t

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.