My Son, My Son Puns

"It's to look at. "

"The opposite of right!"

I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

He picked up an acorn and asked me what it was. I told him it was a tree. He said really? I said, well in a nutshell yes.

"Tell him I've already got one!"

"Because they have a peel".

Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"

Proud dad moment!

I said, “I have a feeling you asked me this before.”

He has a nickname.

"Swarm."

He said “Dad, couldn’t you have given me a better name then video?”

It went in one ear and out of the other.

My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.

I said, "Its the library! It has thousands of stories!"

I said, "This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter."

Because it was ground.

I said, “That’s Heinz sight for you.”

I told him ok, I’d get him an X and a Y... my 12 year old cracked up, the 8 year old was confused. I still look at it as a win.

"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"

I guess they didn't work out!

We haven't heard from him since

So I grounded him

He said “oh yeah, how does a warthog smell?”

“With its nose.”

Best trade ever.

I have one without a filter and one with a filter https://imgur.com/BCc6kx4.jpg

Because he lives at I-hop.

(He was so proud of his dad joke, he asked me to post it... lol)

I asked him "where's your number 1?"

He said "in the toilet"

I'm so proud!

Since he Reddit

"No, son, they're extinct."

Me: it's means being happy

Son: so are you gay dad?

Me: no son, I have an wife

He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly...

I'm up in the air on that one

I replied, "No sun."

So I let him play and he screams for hours.

So I guess you could say dad jokes are my middle name.

They both have bark!

Yep. I found a for-Leif clover!

True story.

My son was excitedly telling us about his minecraft airfield that he was building, and he explained that, among many other details that my brain ignored, he made the runway out of wool. Other son asked why. I was very excited to tell him that it was because asphalt was expensive, and wool was sheep.

...you should have seen his face light up.

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

It seem like only yesterday that you were... 14.

Me: That can’t be comfortable. Try a chair instead.

we're currently tied, but he's almost one.

Dr Doolittle

I said, "No, I've never seen a tree moving that fast before."

He said it was a shocking experience

“It’s to look at.”