I’m need to start heating up my lunch meat, and stop eating it chilled.
I’m going to quit cold turkey.
My husband picked up lunch for us
I said "Thanks, GrubHubby!"
I hate reciprocity: my friend thinks that because I share my lunch with him when he doesn't have food,
he has to share his time with me when I don't have time !
My friend Todd started whining when I said I couldn’t meet for lunch.
I was eating my lunch today when a sheep came and took it from me…
Now, I’m left with mutton to eat.
The guy making my burrito for lunch today was taking too long.
So I said, "Hey man, let's wrap this up."
My boss came to me at lunch….
"Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to find you all morning!"
I shrugged and said, "Good employees are hard to find!"
I was talking to my older daughter about what we were doing for lunch. She said she was going to have a can of soup
I said I was having an omelette and hoped she would have the contents of the can instead. She facepalmed me. 🤦♀️
Ah…a successful dad joke. I am outta here. 🙌.
I was really hungry today so I launched my lunch into outer space.
It made my sandwich meteor.
I often forget to bring my lunch to work. When I got desperate, I used to eat sheets of paper, but they tasted tearable.
Now I eat Post-Its. They’re also tearable, but at least they stick with you.
Todays lunch discussion with my son let me slip in a dad joke.
My son (5) wasn’t wanting to eat his lunch and I told him if he didn’t eat, he wouldn’t get any of his electronics. He got mad and said I want my electrons! I just looked at him and said, “why do you have to be so negative?”
i really wanted to take my lunch to the next level
so i ate the ham sandwich upstairs
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
AITA for eating my coworker's lunch?
A daughter meets with her Dad for lunch. “Dad I want you to meet my new boyfriend” “Nice to meet you son, where you from?” “I’m from Watford, near London, by the way your daughter is so good in bed!” The father replies very upset and confused “What?!”
“Watford sir, near London.”
Hey guys. There's a grocery store on my left, a few cars, some people going for lunch, I see a bunch of carts or trolleys, whatever you call them. Please just think about me.
I'm going through a lot right now.
My 6 year old said: You can’t eat eggs for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner!
You’ll get a tummyegg. So proud
Where do young cows go for lunch? (My seven year old granddaughter told me this one)
My high school bully still takes my lunch money.
But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
My banker friend likes to eat her lunch right next to the vault.
My son and I were talking at lunch today...
This happened today and my son hated it, but it got a great laugh from my wife.
We were talking at lunch today and I asked my son how he felt being taller than his dad now. He said "I don't know". Just like a teenager would.
I told him in full dad joke mode that I was afraid he would be looking down on me now.
He then said if you feel that way I will get you a step ladder. I said "that would work but then I would be your step dad!"
My wife was heating up some leftovers for lunch. She asks: "Hun, do you want me to heat you up a plate?"
"Sure, but can you put some food on it first?"
My friend asked me if we could end lunch after I was done my sandwich. I took one more bite and then said...
"Actually, that's a wrap!"
I had a mechanic fix up my lunch
but he didn't know how to tuna salad
Eating lunch when my 5 year old hits me with this
Me: good grief in full
5 year old: Hi Full, I'm Miriam!
Never been so proud of her in my life.
As we sat down for lunch, I proudly announced to my daughter, "Little known fact, the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France!" Unimpressed, she ignored me and kept eating. Not being one to give up, I continued...
"Nope, they were cooked in Greece!"
Coca-Cola is my beverage of choice when I eat lunch
Its very good in that soda occasion
At lunch for my dads birthday.
The menu says "eat, drink, and feel Merry"
Dad says "and then Mary got mad and went home"
Hehehehehehe
I sent a picture of my lunch to Dad...
In a conversation with a coworker discussing lunch plans. I exhaled through my nose.
I broke my dadjoke cherry at lunch today
I'm a fairly new dad and my wife was chopping up walnuts:
Me: my respect for walnuts has really changed for the better recently.
Wife: (looks at me funny...) Why?
Me: they've really come out of their shell...
There was an audible groan and sadly, I had to high five myself..
Growing up I went to an all-Muslim school. The teacher asked me to make sure that my classmates weren't sneaking bacon at lunch.
I got a badge and a sash that read, "Halal Monitor"
I was in a KFC in Prague, standing in line waiting to order my lunch when I noticed the beautiful girl wearing a black and white tiled apron who was giving the man in front of me a bucket of Buffalo wings..and then it dawned on me.
I was checking out a chequered Czech check-out chick who was checking out some chicken at the checkout.
My patient wanted his bedding fixed, and when I did, I found remainders of his lunch.
Turns out, he was resting in peas.
My girlfriend got me with this one after lunch
My girlfriend and I were walking out of a fast food place after eating, on the way back to our car I was walking along a curb with my arms out like a tightrope walker. She looked at me and said "must have been a well balanced meal."
I think she's the one.
I asked my son what class he was in after lunch.
'Middle,' he said, 'same as before lunch.'
My daughter lined up her dolls for the lunch
It seems we have Barbie queue for lunch again.
My daughter and I had Chinese food for lunch. She was disappointed when her cookie was empty inside.
I told her “that’s unfortunate”.
Ate lunch with my 5 year old at his school and couldn't help but dadjoke his classmates.
Me: Oh, what happened to your two front teeth?
Girl: Oh, I lost them!
Me: Well I hope you find them!
Today, at lunch, my wife almost threw out her leftover wonton soup.
I immediately stopped her and asked for a to go container. I won’t stand by and allow acts of wonton destruction.
As I was sweeping the kitchen this morning I told my son not to forget his lunch
My 9 month old spilled some of her lunch on her foot...
I guess she wanted to try out the avocado toes the hipsters talk about.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.
On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
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