(Gal)lons
You Dont Know How It Peels
Air-vrything.
I'm so proud.
A bone and arrow (Kid loves to play minecraft sooo... yeah)
Boosday
I’m so proud. She was laughing so much!
Amazon Prime.
(In chronological order)
2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019
They said the fire was in tents
We were out in our yard and a v of geese flew over. We both looked up and he said "You know why one side of the v is longer than the other?" Now I was expecting some intelligent response so, intrigued, I said "no why?" He just turned to me and with a completely straight face said "Well there's more geese on that side" and continued working. I still laugh like crazy when I think of it.
A Trump-et.
I have a feeling it was ghost written.
I used to know a guy who absolutely loved hollandaise sauce. He would buy the spiciest brand he could find and would put it on just about everything. Well it turned out that because he used the spicy sauce so much, it started to wear down a hole on the roof of his mouth. He went to a doctor and asked what he could do about it. The doctor looks at the damage and determines that the man will need a metal plate placed at the roof of his mouth. The man is relieved but can't help asking the doctor if he will still be able to enjoy his hollandaise sauce. The doctor reassures the man that his new plate will be made of chrome. The man was curious, so he asked if chrome was the best choice. The doctor responded with "Oh don't worry, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
Dad: "hey, you seen Joe around?"
Me: "joe....? Joe who?"
Dad: "JOE MAMMA!!"
I mean, he has said it so many times, we just call my mom joe sometimes....
A guy walks into a psychiatrists office obviously frantic and repeating, "I'm a tee-pee, I'm a wig-wam, I'm a tee-pee, I'm a wig-wam..."
The psychiatrist says, "Whoa, whoa, man. Sit down! You're two tents!"
All I could think was, "You've cat to be kitten me right meow." I'm torn on how I feel about her... I wish I could retract what she did but there's no point getting clawed up in the negative emotions.
- The Notorious D.I.G.
- The Orval Redenblockers (I probably butchered that spelling)
- The Volley Lamas
- The Gold Diggers
- The Serve-ivers
Dad: What'd the cowboy say when his horse ran away?
Victim: I don't know, what?
Dad: There goes my horse! What'd the horse say when his cowboy ran away?
Victim: There goes my cowboy?
Dad: No! Nothing! Horses can't talk! (dad laughter)
The worst part is once my friends and I caught on and gave "nothing" for the second question, he'd say, "No, he said 'there goes my cowboy!'" so we could never win.
