I had to call tech support for my computer the other day.
Tech Support: “It seems as though your operating system was installed backwards.”
Me: “So?”
I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
My computer broke, and my boss told me to take it to the IT guy
So I went outside and threw it in the sewer
My daughter was complaining to me that the computer was frozen
I told her to just let it go
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
I asked my mom how are computers so smart
She answered:"Because they listen to their motherboards"
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
My son asked me, “Because of the pandemic, I’m on the computer 12 hours a day. Is that bad?”
Me: That can’t be comfortable. Try a chair instead.
A small rodent lives in a apartment next to my computer keyboard.
My daughter was playing with my computer and she broke the R button and tried to eat it.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1001 cures for itches."
I guess, I've got to start again from scratch.
My computer crashed....
Need all the other computers in the house have slowed down so they can see what happened.
I needed to buy curtains for my computer
I replaced my steering wheel with a computer storage device
I'm tired of typing at my computer.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
After turning on my computer in the morning, the first thing I tell myself is “I got this!”
I should stop using WebMD as my homepage.
I was putting the outlet cover back on the wall while my wife was working at the computer with her back to me...
She said “what are you doing? What is that noise?”
I said “I’ve been screwing around behind your back.”
She whipped around in shock and saw me, screwdriver in hand, screwing in the outlet cover.
I found it way more entertaining then she did.
My son hates it when I make Computer jokes while talking to him. One day, he took my laptop and...
I had a problem with my anti-virus program, it kept saying I had 1 virus on my computer.
So I deleted the anti-virus and there weren't any problems any more!
My quantum computer’s pronouns are they/them
My IT guy just asked, "How does a computer get drunk?"
I frantically rushed to the computer service center to repair my storage device before it died
I finally started to learn how to use a computer. My son said; "Hey Dad, you're getting betah".
And I said: "Betah? But I thought I was 1.0!"
Why does my computer only have a motherboard?
Because my fatherboard went to get milk.
My 7 year old son is remote learning and I walked into the room to find him logged into his class with his back facing the computer screen. I asked, “what are you doing?”
He said, “I’m back to school!”
I overheard my USB drive plotting to do evil things to me ever since I unplugged it improperly from a computer.
It has become very corrupt.
Hey, this is my first reddit post but I need help. I think I accidentally deleted everything on my computer.
.....sorry for formatting.
One of my friends made a mini-computer. Saw my opportunity and took it :)
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
I glanced up, called my daughter over to the computer and said, "Hey, you like jokes right? Come here and check this one out!"
A spider crawled on my computer
Don't worry it's under CTRL
It wasn't my computer's fault it was me, but the computer just wasn't working for me...
I decided to hit the reset button in "relationship."
"I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework." Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, "Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?"
"Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes."
I tried everything but I couldn't get my phone to sync with my computer, so I threw it in the toilet.
I just installed a screw in my computer.
But I can’t find the driver for it.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
EDIT: "Now he's asking me for a byte of cookies... "
My Mom’s sister came down with Coronavirus so I bought her a new computer.
The warranty claimed it had free “aunty-virus” protection software.
I was having trouble with my computer, so I contacted IT support. The man said, 'Have you tried disabling cookies?'
I said, 'Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man.'
Why did my computer screen freeze
Cause it didn’t have a thick enough coat
My teacher asked the class to get onto our computers.
Mine couldn't support my weight, and broke.
My computer said my password is insecure.
Well maybe if it wasn't forced to have such strict requirements it would be more confident.
My wife said that if I don't get off the computer she'll slam my head on the keyboard...
...but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
My wife told me she's slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer !
Don't worry guys, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1,001 cures for itches.'
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
My daughter was playing with my computer and she broke the R button and tried to eat it.
I said to my computer science professor that my dog ate my homework.
When he doubted me, I said, "Well, it took him a couple of bytes."
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