My Boo Puns

Now she’s in the ICU

I took him to the ICU

Now she’s in the ICU

He must have been having a bad har day.

I said, “No. But Was that your ghoul?”

He just groaned.

I said, "you ain't seen Nothing yet!"

"She's dating a child molester."

Me: "Who would want to date her?"

"A child molester."

Boo-jour!

(We make French Ghosts for breakfast on Sundays, and my kiddos groaned hard at this, thought it was dad joke worthy!)

But im never seeing her again. Im done with her sheet. I thought she was gonna scream MY name during sex at least once But my name is not Boo.

My family and I were in the car driving down the road the other day. My 5 year old asked for words that rhymed with blue.

“Well, there’s glue, two, moo, snoo, zoo, boo..”

My 8 year old chimes in, “Daddy, what’s snoo?”

My immediate response? “Not much, what’s new with you?”

My journey to the dark side has been complete.

https://imgur.com/VpQ80W3

I know my wife loves a boo-K.

All my neighbors are going to get a case of déjà BOO.

Boo-bees.

This one is from my son probably a repost

A Chevy MaliBOO!

PS. My 8 year old son came up with this one.

Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner are already spoken for, but Thanksgiving hasn't been discussed yet. Thanksgiving is usually at my father-in-law's, but my stepmother-in-law has previously hinted that she might not want to host anymore.

Wife: "I talked to [stepmother-in-law] today, and she didn't say 'boo' about Thanksgiving."

Me: "Did she say 'gobble gobble'?"

I told him she was decorating for Halloween, and they both just gave me a flat look. Then with a grin on my face I simply said bamBOO!! Much to my wife’s dismay my 6 year old has been repeating it for the last 20 minutes.

Now I can finally call her my boo

Boo-bees (compliments of my son)

My response: So are they boo-hoo-bies?

A boo-bee

my daughter and I came up with that joke like 5 years ago, when she was 7, I still laugh at it and get people to laugh at it all the time.

I was sitting in some beautiful seats, just past third base down on ground level. A good spot for some foul balls.

After several whiffs, one finally gets close enough to my father, which he promptly takes in the ribs instead of catching, and like before, the bat boy runs by to pick up the ball - only this time he doesn't throw it back into the crowd. Makes our whole section upset (that, and all the beer we were drinking) so he gets booed every time he walks by now.

The dad joke, however, comes from the guy behind me.

"That kid better watch out...I'm gonna talk to his dad. Batman!"

This is from an actual IM chat I had with someone a while back. This was all on impulse. Nothing was planned.

ME: The main reason you want a strong lock is not because they're unbreakable, but because your neighbor should be the easier target.

HIM: Ayup. Although if you want an impenetrable lock, might I recommend Benson's Black Hole Vaults?

ME: I'd want to be able to get my stuff out, again, too.

HIM: Wait long enough. It'll evaporate out.

ME: ... in the same state in which I deposited it in the vault.

HIM: Don't want much, do you?

ME: I could try to sell the stuff in its evaporated state ... But I don't like hawking radiation.

HIM: boo HISS

At a wedding reception where the chocolates on the table were in nice looking package.

• Dad: Don't throw that way; I'll take them home.
• Mom: Great another of one thousand useless items that'll be on a shelf.
• Dad: Aaaaw, Honey -- I'd never put you on the shelf.

While watching a baseball game:

• Mom: Are they "boo'ing?" Nobody "boos" anymore.
• Dad: Hey can I have a blow job?
• Mom: Shut up.
• Dad: Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

In regards to meatloaf my mother made:

• Mom: Sorry the meatloaf isn't that good.
• Dad: It's Ok. But next time try adding some Alpo.

While eating at relatives' house:

• Mom: Wow. This is really good! We used to eat like this all the time growing up.
• Uncle: Really? Where I come from we just call it Hamburger Helper.

In regards to an inappropriately shaped child's toy:

• Me: Did you buy that at one of those special stores you guys got in San Francisco?
• Grandfather: What?! Of course not! God no - that's not mine!
• ...
• Grandfather: It's too small...

When my brother and I were screwing around instead of helping in the garage:

• Dad: You know, twice, twice! I thought I got it out quick enough but some must have dribbled back inside.

After listening to a 3 minute voice mail from my mother:

• Me: What did she want?
• Dad: You want the long or the short version?
• Me: Short.
• Dad: Nothing.
• Me: Ok long version.
• Dad: Nothing much.

I work at a CPA firm and walked by a co-worker who looked a bit frustrated since it's tax season. I ask if I'm going to hate doing taxes to when I finally get my CPA license. He replies with "it's not that I hate doing taxes, it's just that im worn out from the overtime". Without hesitation I replied with "oh, I'm sure the long hours can be very... Taxing". I instantly realized what I had said and before I could say no pun intended my Co worker let's out a very loud moan followed by booing that didn't stop until I left his office.

We have a minifridge we stocked with beer for the party, and I put a sign on the fridge that says "BOO-ze"

My roommate just shook his head and walked away.

Mom "Bees don't lactate. " dad "don't be silly honey you forgot about the best kind, boo bees!"

My dad and I set my mom up a lot. Never gets old, to us.

I told my dad how June from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo tags her photos "#4chins" he says "June is so rich, she has 4 chins. Get it? 4 chins... heh"

I was talking about getting ready this morning while eating breakfast (including fixing my hair): Uncle: Do you want me to tease your hair? Me: ... Uncle: Na-na-na-na-boo-boo! Me: facepalm