โArenโt pencils the best?โ, my friend said to me.
I told him โYeah, but when theyโre unsharpened theyโre pointless.โ
๐︎ 55
๐
︎ Sep 03 2022
My best friend is a chicken
I don't really wanna be friends with him but he sure does know a lot of chicks
๐︎ 10
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︎ Sep 23 2022
I told a Saudi friend my best joke and he didn't get the reference.
It's like he's living under Iraq.
๐︎ 3k
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︎ Apr 22 2022
My friend at his wedding told me that I am the worst best man he has ever seen.
๐︎ 34
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︎ Sep 11 2022
My female best friend and her girlfriend gifted me a Rolex for my birthday.
Not what I meant when I said I wanna watch.
๐︎ 28
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︎ Aug 20 2022
My wife has left me for my best friend...
Well....he was a complete stranger at the time.
But, he's my best friend now.
๐︎ 10
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︎ Sep 25 2022
My friend thinks that Circle K is the best...
๐︎ 17
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︎ Sep 13 2022
My friend asked me, โwhatโs the best part about living in Switzerland?โ
I said โI donโt know, but the flag is a big plus.โ
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Aug 14 2022
Iโve been feeling really depressed, and my best friend isnโt helping
I try to talk about my feelings with him, but heโll just say vaguely supportive things that really donโt help. Heโll say things like โhey, cheer up buddy. I know things seem tough but at least youโre not stuck in one of those, you know, those holes in the ground? The thing with the bucket so you can get water from the hole.โ
I know he means well.
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ Jan 15 2022
I was able to get an early flight home so I decided to surprise my wife. Got home about 10 PM. Walked in my bedroom with some flowers, and to my complete surprise, there is my wife in bed with my best friend. I couldn't believe it.
I then yelled for my dog to get off the bed.
๐︎ 35
๐
︎ Mar 03 2022
Me and my friend were debating about what the best medieval weapon was. I said the Warhammer while he said the mace. Our argument got so heated we haven't spoken to each other in weeks!
Talk about blunt force drama.
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ May 02 2022
My best friend gave me this today because I'm obsessed with pigs & it is the best card I've ever gotten.
reddit.com/gallery/lkaalp
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ Feb 15 2021
my best friend is a mushroom and hes become really grumpy lately
It's such a shame, as he used to be such a fun guy
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Mar 28 2022
Accidentally murdered my best friend last night
I guess I committed a Homiecide
๐︎ 73
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︎ Oct 22 2021
My wife ran off with my best friend last week.
๐︎ 16
๐
︎ Mar 01 2022
After being single for years, my best friend said, "Can I set you up?
I said "Go on then!!"
Now I'm doing 12 years for a crime I didn't commit.
๐︎ 1k
๐
︎ Apr 21 2021
My high school daughter was caught sneaking alcohol into school and when questioned said it was her "best friend's" and she was just carrying it.
l'm just proud my daughter still thinks of me as her best friend!
๐︎ 12
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︎ Feb 09 2022
I just found out that my best friend is a huge fan of Hitler.
๐︎ 7
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︎ Nov 06 2021
My best friend works in the ER so I text jokes for him to tell his patients
He said it helps and leaves them all in stitches.
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Jan 18 2022
My best friend is a gardener so I asked him if he'd build an overhead structure for my patio.
But I think he was distracted by bladder problems, because he kept asking: "Can I pee?"
๐︎ 4
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︎ Nov 21 2021
My best friend in highschool was a mushroom
He was a fungi to hang out with
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ Oct 14 2021
I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday
I canโt wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
๐︎ 9k
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︎ Oct 23 2018
Freud is my grandpa's imaginary best friend...
I keep telling him that it's just a Sigmund of his imagination.
๐︎ 16
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︎ Oct 10 2021
I was watching Lord of the Rings with my best friend yesterday, when I saw a wasp on the screen. I told my friend that the wasp was disturbing my viewing, and he replied
๐︎ 11
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︎ Oct 10 2021
Texas weather is making my best friend hilarious
๐︎ 5
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︎ Feb 18 2021
My best friend, Davis, asked me how far I would travel to listen to my favourite jazz music.
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Jul 12 2021
My friend thinks he can beat me in a best hat contest. Well..
Toque can play at that game.
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Aug 23 2021
We threw a house party that ended badly last night, my wife put her best friend in hospital with a single punch.
The worst fruit allergy I've ever seen.
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Apr 04 2021
My best friend is a tightrope walker
The only problem with him is that he's so high strung.
๐︎ 16
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︎ May 11 2021
My best friend is bald but he still carries his comb with him
He just can't seem to part with it.
๐︎ 12
๐
︎ Jul 30 2021
When I was 8 years old my best friend died from a velcro accident.
๐︎ 177
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︎ Aug 15 2020
My best friend is a monkey.
๐︎ 28
๐
︎ Feb 12 2021
When I was a kid, my best friend was killed when he rode a Slip n Slide straight into an open manhole.
His cause of death was listed as a sewer slide.
๐︎ 18
๐
︎ Jun 25 2021
I asked my wife, "Honey, for ยฃ50,000, would you sleep with my best friend?"
She said, "Why, yes! But where am I going to get ยฃ50,000?"
๐︎ 15
๐
︎ Jun 21 2021
My best friend said, "I've been babysitting children from the age of 19."
I said, "But by that age they are adults."
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Jul 05 2021
Today I found out my best friend Gav died of heartburn
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Jun 27 2021
My best friend just had a baby and said he can't hang around with me this weekend.
You've known the baby for only 1 day and mee for 16 years, but okay.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ May 13 2021
My best friend is scared straight of rain coats
Heโs got Anoraknophobia
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jun 21 2021
10 years ago I married my best friend
Our wives are still mad about it but we were drunk and thought it was funny
๐︎ 32
๐
︎ Dec 13 2020
Curse the creator of autocorrect! I asked my friend what the best shampoo to use was, and he replied โPanettoneโ.
That was last Tuesday, and I still havenโt got all the crumbs out of my hair.
๐︎ 12
๐
︎ Jan 06 2021
I wanted to go rock-climbing on Saturday but my best friend hated the idea.
He made the whole day very anti- climb- atic.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ May 24 2021
At his wedding, my friend told me that I was the worst Best Man that he has ever seen.
๐︎ 15
๐
︎ Mar 07 2022
Yesterday, my friend and I got into an argument over which vowel was the best
๐︎ 133
๐
︎ Mar 28 2021
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