Music posts to this reddit might get me band, but here's a comment i found anyways.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WESMAIN
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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what music band always needs change for 100 dollar bills?

breaking benjamin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrongnaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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A lieutenant of a marching band had lost his piccolo, he went to a music instrument-store and asked for a piccolo

The store keeper said that they ran out of stock of piccolos but he could rent out a flute, the lieutenant agreed promptly.

After the performance the lieutenant came back to the store to return the flute. The store keeper asked if he was the flute tenant

No I am the lieutenant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/minecraftkoolkidz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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There's a new music band called 999MB.

So far, no gig yet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xifajk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
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I once knew a band composed of guys all born bottom first. Great music, but for some reason, The Breech Boys never made it big.
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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I was talking to my boyfriend about difficult it was for my band to sight read sheet music by Stevie Wonder.

He said "of course it's hard, he was blind you know!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vsaholic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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What instruments should be featured in a rogue AI's music band?

Just Harmonika

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TatsumakiRonyk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2018
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If Ellen DeGeneres and Anakin Skywalker formed a band, what kind of music would they play?

Elle-Vader music

My brother is a great dad, but he tells this joke every time I see him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tkellogg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2015
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The band that played too much music
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scotto_oz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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I'm never going to let my children listen to big band music...

too much violins and sax

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HonziPonzi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
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So the music exec demanded we put together a band out of just fishermen and soda jerks

Apparently he wanted to churn out catchy pop songs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesset77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
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Certain animals seem to like certain styles of music and specific bands.

Termites like Styx.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichNCrispy
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
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If a musical group extended their playlist, would they be an elastic band?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vader2000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2015
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Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80s music!

Me: Yikes! What is The Cure?

Doctor: Oh my God. It is worse than I thought!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
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If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets.

I'd hate to toot my own horn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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Europe = You’re up

I was listening to music with my dad recently and we were taking turns playing songs. I played the song β€œtime has come” by the band Europe, from the hot rod soundtrack (Hilarious movie btw). I pointed to my phone and said β€œEurope!”. My dad yelled β€œI’m up? Alright!” And started looking for the next song to play. I was like β€œNo! EUROPE” and he was like β€œI KNOW, IM UP” and proceeded to play the next song. Afterward he said he was just fucking with me. A true dad moment. Thought you guys might appreciate.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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I was having an argument with my wife about who should brew the coffee each morning. She said, β€œYOU should do it because YOU get up first and then we won't have to wait as long to get our coffee.”

I went full sexist pig, β€œYOU'RE in charge of cooking around here woman and YOU should do it, because it's YOUR job and I can just wait for my coffee.”

She replied coldly, β€œNo, YOU should do it and besides, it's in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

I guffawed, β€œI can’t believe that, show me!”

So she fetched the Bible and opened to the New Testament and showed me the top of several pages, that it indeed says, β€œHEBREWS!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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Complimented a friend on her musical knowledge today...

Me:

> I don't know how you find the time to listen to so many bands.

She replied:

> Yeah, I just have a lot of bandwidth.

Normally, I'm the one with the awful puns. I paused, saw her grin, and had to high five her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rand486
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2015
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My wife has banned dad jokes in our house

So I have to stand outside and shout them in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/catfightonahotdog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
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Terrible OC Joke

What does the band C&C Music Factory and Ancient Aliens have in common?

Things that make you go Hmmmm... .. . ... . . .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eddsned
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Had to share this absolute bomb my husband dropped earlier.

Our 11 year old is attending a debate camp and at the dinner table she was telling us about her day. We decided she would have a mock debate against my husband the following day so she could show us a bit of what she's learned. We talk about possible topics and we land on "Should school officials or other adults be allowed to ban certain books from school." We talk a little more on the topic of banned books and my husband perks up and says "I think banned books should be allowed because without them, there would be no music." Then he gets this massive grin and my daughter and I are so confused.. it takes a moment for us to realize he's talking about BAND books .. there would be no music .. I had to give it to him, that was heavenly. Our daughters eyes rolled out of her head but we were all laughing. Great job, dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jennyy1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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A horse is sitting at home watching MTV

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatDekuTree3
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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[Request] Tubas and Classic Rock

Every year for the past few years, I’ve written music for a tuba ensemble for a summer band camp. Last year’s music was titled β€œTubaChristmas in July,” which had β€œHallelujah” by Pentatonix, β€œCarol of the Bells,” β€œYou’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” and β€œHave Yourself a Merry TubaChristmas.” This year I’m about 90% sure we’re doing rock/classic rock. So far I have β€œBohemian Rhapsody” by Queen, β€œPaint It, Black” by The Rolling Stones, β€œLivin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi, β€œDon’t Stop Believin’” by Journey, and some fifth song I haven’t chosen yet (BTW I’m open to song ideas).

I need a pun that mixes Tuba with Rock or with Classic Rock. Similar to how TubaChristmas in July doesn’t include song names, but you know it’s Christmas music on tubas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Leo_1110
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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Mom got me about bands

Was talking to my brother about some cool band I recently found and asked "Guess what they play?" My mother immediately replied "Music".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nimmalt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2015
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Surprised I wasn't fired for this one...

I work in a small office and control the music via my phone. An obscure track from "The Who" started playing...

Boss: "Who is this?"

Me: "Yes."

Boss: "It's [Yes](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yes_(band)?"

Me: "No."

Boss: "Well who is it?"

Me: "Yes."

I let it go two complete loops. Thank goodness he has a sense of humor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FidlerBD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2014
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Got my mom with this an hour ago.

She and I were catching up, and the topic turned to my dad.

Mom: "Yeah, your dad is good, playing a lot of music. Actually one of his bands is coming by tonight."

Me: "Who's he playing with?"

Mom: "Mark, Tom, and Bill.....actually he has like 5 Bills he jams with."

Me: "Do they make money?"

Mom: "They jam mostly for fun."

Me: "So my dad has 5 unpaid Bills."

Mom: sigh....

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2016
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So I was at a restaurant with my Dad...

And there was a small band walking around and playing music for tables. After they finished playing a song near our table my dad asks them, "Do you know how to play Far Far Away?" they said no, sorry, so my dad says "Oh, well its way over there." and points to the opposite side of the restaurant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TJFordZ
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2013
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Heard this groaner from a friend the other day

What type of band plays snappy music? A rubber band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/realsnokng
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2016
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A compilation of my dads terrible jokes

After seeing Taken:

"Taken? More like this movie has taken all my money!"

After seeing Final destination 5:

"Final Destination? More like, My Final destination is out of the movie theater!"

"Wanna know what my favorite part of the movie was? The credits!"

"The back of my eyelids were more entertaining than that movie."

After telling him about a Slayer concert:

"Slayer? More like, this band is gonna slay all my money!"

After telling him my favorite musical genre is heavy metal:

"Well, i hate heavy metal. I can never lift it!"

These are just a few

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tardersauce12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2013
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Dadjoked the real estate agent

My parents are selling the house and yesterday we had people checking it out along with the real estate agent.

Now I'm a metalhead and that's pretty obvious when you see my room. I got band posters and flags, loads of CD's and two guitars there.

So when it was all over, the agent came to me and told me I have a great taste of music. I told him I expected him to be more of a house guy. I don't think he got it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bwuhbwuh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2015
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Talking about someone on TV

Dad: She looks different Me: Yeah I think she had a gastric band a few years ago Dad: What kind of music do they play?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boothinell
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2015
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Dad joke made during a band performance.

My band had a performance yesterday. We have three saxophone players. One of plays only Alto saxophone, one of them alternates between playing Alto, Tenor and Baritone saxophone and the last plays both Tenor and Baritone saxophone.

The second two kept swapping each other's instruments or one of the other saxophones they had in the background. So at one point we had to wait for them to change while the rest of us were all ready to start playing the next song.

So, trying to make it less awkward for the audience I turn to them and I says 'I'm sorry, they're just playing ... Musical Instruments'

There was a collective groan/laugh from the audience and the drummer went ba-dum-tish And the trumpeter gave me a little wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaah

I'm still giggling about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gonnnondorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
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Got my friend today, while discussing Spotify

While talking about music not on Spotify

Him:"They don't have De La Soul, and they're a big band." Me:"Yeah, they don't have Cab Calloway either and he's big band too."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xHamtaro
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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This one received both a roomful of groans and applause!

Yesterday I was doing Concert practice - fairly standard for a music student, play some songs (with a band), receive some constructive criticism, if there's time, play it again, see if it improved.

So after aforementioned criticism the band and I are about to play again when one of the singers points the mic at the speaker (accidentally) and painfully loud feedback assaults our ears.

In the following silence, I commented: "That's the least useful feedback we've had all day!"

...silence.

Then approximately forty people groaning in unison, which gave way to applause for my awful dadjoke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clarrington
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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While listening to Pandora, dad dropped this one.

We were playing Scrabble and my father asked if I could get music on my phone. I pull up Pandora and after a few songs I ask if he'd like any more influences because all it played was Chris Cornell and his few bands. He told me to add The Doors to it. Few songs later, The Who started playing. He proceeded with "Who came through The Doors?" and he laughed at his joke for a good minute or two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFakeSpiderman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2014
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While watching Band of Brothers...

during the intro of Band of Brothers

Me: Hey Dad, wanna watch Band of Brothers?

Dad: Maybe, what's it about?

Me: A Band of Brothers

Dad: What kind of music do they play?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tittydouche
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2014
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