There’s two morons on a boat. One of the morons is larger. The larger moron falls off. Why?

The little one was a little more on.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielpauljohns
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend told me, β€œYou have a B.A., Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like a moron.”

It was a third degree burn.

πŸ‘︎ 480
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Two morons were walking along a narrow bridge

It’s very windy so the big one falls off, the little one manages to make it across only because he was a little moron (more on)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hipphazy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A little moron and a big moron were shingling a steep roof when suddenly the scaffolding collapsed. They both slid down the roof and stopped at the very edge, and then one fell off. Which one?

The big moron. The other one was a little more on.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
what kind of moron is actually really clever?

an oxymoron

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zoebread
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: β€œDon’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!”

She is watching our wedding video again.

πŸ‘︎ 21k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
🚨︎ report
[In a courtroom] Lawyer: Judge, you a complete moron are!!

Judge: That’s out of order.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Took me a while to figure this out - I'm an oxy-moron.
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombieGombie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Remeber, there is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like a moron.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enis_with_a_p
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
[Dad Joke courtesy of Stephen King] The big moron and the little moron were standing on the Golden Gate bridge. The big moron fell off. Why didn't the little moron fall off too?

Because the little moron was a little more on.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MysteryOrange7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I've got a friend who reckons he can make high cuisine out of stock cubes.

What an Oxo moron

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you hold a moron in suspense?
πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boxler3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
🚨︎ report
All morons need a lesson.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaintenanceCall
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
A family of Morons.

A family of morons go for a walk. They come to a rickety looking bridge. The daddy moron says to the mommy moron and the little moron, "I'll go first to make sure it's safe." He starts to walk across, but almost immediately falls off. The mommy moron, seeing her husband fall off, runs to the bridge, crying. As soon as she gets on the bridge, she also immediately falls off. The little moron, not realizing the danger, walks right up to the bridge, and calmly crosses the bridge with no incident. Why didn't he fall off?

Because he was a little moron the bridge.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HowManyMonkeys
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2013
🚨︎ report
Guy takes a pill

He says "that's good shit"

Buddy says "that's an oxy, moron"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WalterNewton
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Four men are stranded with nothing but cigarettes on a boat with no way to light them

So they throw one cigarette off board, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HalalPork97
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A car's weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokesig
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the moron cut his toilet in half?

Because his two half-assed brothers were coming over.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Castamundo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2015
🚨︎ report
The four building blocks of life.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the moron tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Castamundo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Kid: Dad, I want to be in politics when I grow up.

Dad: Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron?

Kid: Forget it. There seems to be too many requirements.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Cop 1: This seems racially motivated.

Cop 2: Hate crime?

Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife is kicking me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a TV News anchor.

More on that after the break.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd you ever need to get in touch with a bike company

Ask for the spokesman

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
[OC]Got a friend who is an idiot when messed up on opioids...

I call him an OxyMoron.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rebmob_7577
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
[true story] Dad and daughter trimming the Christmas tree with tinselβ€” DAD (points to empty spot on tree and says to daughter): β€œLittle more on here.” DAUGHTER (storms off crying)...

...”MOM! DAD CALLED ME A LITTLE MORON!!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A father and his son are on a roof, the father falls off but the kid stays on, why?

He was a little moron

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/butcher106
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad's favorite

My dad loves to build. Every few years he takes on a new major construction project; an addition on his house, a huge workshop, something. When he goes to buy lumber he always tries to set the salesman up for this doozy:

Dad: "I'm going to need three dozen 2x4s."

Salesman: "Sure. How long do you need them?"

Dad: "I'm going to need them a long time, I'm building an addition on my house."

(Edit: Structure and spelling (thanks DJUrsus)).

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-ClarkNova-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call vapid air?

An Oxy-moron

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lion_OBrian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Tell you what, when I see a full moon, I'm thankful for my health. You see, I used to be a werewolf...

... but I'm alright nnnNNAAAAAWWWOOOOOOOOOO-AOW-AOW-AWWWOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!

(Told this to my wife when we were walking through a city at night with a full moon and she actually ran off at full speed, leaving me stood there feeling like a moron...)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madlarkin001
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
The award for the best dadjokes 2018 goes to...

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

  1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

  2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

  3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

  1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

  2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

  3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

  1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

  2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

  3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skormes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: What mouse walks on two legs? Me: uhh..Mickey Mouse

Dad: What duck walks on two legs?

Me: Donald Duck!!

Dad: All of them, you moron

Me: shit

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xjakexlol
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Guilty as charged

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My daughter made a dad joke

We were watching Harry Potter, and when he dive in the frozen lake to fetch the sword, I said something along "Wake up Hermione, you moron, you're going to freeze to death !".

My daughter then said "He's gonna die from Harrypottermia !"

I was so proud !

I then beat the little shit to death for doing a dad joke before me. That'll show her.

Mods : Sorry if this does not fit the sub.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoufPoal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you keep a turkey in suspense?

I'll tell you next week...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freakinhuge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2015
🚨︎ report
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: 'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!'

She was watching our wedding video again.

πŸ‘︎ 165
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tsir18
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: β€œDon’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!”

She is watching our wedding video again.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
There was a big moron and a little moron sitting on a fence. The big moron fell off. Why?

The little moron was a little more on.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OfficeBadger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A big moron and a little moron are both standing on the edge of a cliff, the big one falls off. Why didn't the little one fall?

Because he was a little more on.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hippanonypotomous
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The big moron and the little moron are on a bridge. The big moron fell off. How come the little moron didn't fall off?

He was a little "more on."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eatonat
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A big moron and a little moron were sitting on a ledge, when a gust of wind blew one of them off. Which one fell off?

The big one, because the other was a little moron.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV

'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!' She was watching our wedding video again."

πŸ‘︎ 142
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A big moron and a little moron were standing on the edge of a cliff. Who fell off?

The big moron. Because the little moron was a little more on.

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beatsbeingbroke
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2017
🚨︎ report
A big moron and a little moron are sitting on a fence.

The big moron falls down. Why didn't the little moron fall down? Because he's a little more on.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OctaviaPinfold
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
🚨︎ report
There was a little moron and a big moron on a bridge. The big one fell off, why didn't the little one?

Because he was a little more on.

πŸ‘︎ 129
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2013
🚨︎ report
A big moron and a little moron are on a bridge. One falls off. Who is it?

The Big moron falls because the little moron was a little more on

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bncodd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2014
🚨︎ report

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