If the God of Thunder was actually the God of Melting Ice...

... Would he be called Thaw?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call melted ice cream

SΓ€agen-Dazs

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/X_ENV_x
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the ice that got tickled and only partially melted?

It’s snow laughing matter.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/salvedavus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I stole and tried to melt an ice sculpture

When the police kicked in my door they yelled: FREEZE!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/g0lden3agle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I can melt an ice cube using the power of my mind

It takes quite a while though.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_TheProff_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
If all the ice melts, is it just berg lettuce??
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1eyedmanisking
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife got mad at me for kicking the dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator.

But now it’s all water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Do flat-earthers believe Earth is a planet?

They do, but the "t" in "planet" is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Faxicura
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is Leicester pronounced "Lester"?

Because the ice melted.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MissChick3n
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night, at dinner in Mississippi

Last night, here in Mississippi, when I was at dinner, I encountered the strangest woman. She would sip her drink so loudly you could hear it across the room. Then when her soup came out, she brought the bowl to her mouth and took long sips. Then even when they brought out her ice cream dessert, she waited for it to melt and proceeded to sip that too!
When I watched all of this transpire, all that I could think to myself was

"Wow that Miss is sippy."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/armyjackson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A family is having dinner at a fancy restaurant. The waiter asks for drink orders.

The dad (cleverly) says "I'll have some melted ice."

The waiter replies "Just ice is a dish best served cold."

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yittrium39
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Me every time I walk up to someone's fridge to get ice from the dispenser, I purposely set it to water and yell....

...."I think your refrigerator is broken. This ice is coming out melted!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
🚨︎ report
I was a bartender for a night . . .

I said to my 13 year old. He's at that age when he is starting to think he knows everything because he knows why salt makes ice melt.

He knows I'm a teetotaler.

"What do you know about making drinks?" he says sneeringly.

"I know how to make some drinks."

"Like what?"

"I know how to make rum and coke. I know how to make gin and tonic. I know how to make Shirley Temples."

There is a snort there.

"I know how to make vodka cranberries. I know how to make margaritas. I know how to make red wine."

He finishes the fries he is eating at the counter island in the kitchen and starts to head out of the room.

"Do you know how to make a red wine?" I call after him.

He turns around and looks at me, still chewing.

"How"

"Tell them about 1991."

"What?"

"That is when the Soviet Union fell, all the reds were whining."

True story.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2016
🚨︎ report
"I'm gonna run to the store, you want anything?" -Me

Dad: Y'know, it'd be quicker if you drove, hur hur!

Or sometimes, Dad: I was gonna ask for ice cream, but if you're not driving, it'll be melted before you get back, hur hur!

Sadly, I've now started saying the first one. <crying>

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/naery
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2013
🚨︎ report
Ice Fishing Dad Joke

I'm chatting with my girlfriend's dad about his recent ice fishing trip when he pulls out his phone and shows me a picture of his ice fishing spot.

It is just a picture of the lake-ice with a black X spray painted onto it.

I look at him, confused at first but then I realized he was kidding with me.

I tell him that he is going to have a hard time finding it next year.

He responds "I know the ice is going to melt, that's why I took a picture"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twooof
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad is a dadjoke dad through and through. He usually doesn't get me but this one needed some recognition from my behalf.

My mom was showing him pictures of my cousin on her phone that had sent her pictures in front of a famous ice cream parlor back in our hometown. It was the parlor's 9th anniversary and my cousin was pictured in front of a big "9" in the store. My mom was explaining to my dad that the place had been open for 9 years and my dad replies with...

"Wow, that's impressive. How did they get the ice cream to not melt all this time?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bendary3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2014
🚨︎ report
Ice Cream

So, we had some storms last night, and it knocked out much of the power around us, and the outages lasted throughout the day. My dad suggested that we get some ice cream after dinner:

Dad: "Do you want to go get some ice cream? I think they'll want to try and sell all their ice cream so it doesn't melt, like a clearance sale."

Me: "You mean a Liquidation?"

Note: Yes, I know the "dad joke" wasn't made by a dad, but at school, I've earned the nickname "Dad" for things like this, so I am proud.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NDLPT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Spent the Weekend With The Family...

Some precursor- I'm 27, my girlfriend is 34; we visited my family who lives in another state this past weekend for easter. The last two days I started to write down every horrible attempt at a joke my dad did. So these were just the best of the last two days. Note that this was the first time my girlfriend had met them.

When watching a commercial on liposuction, "I was going to get liposuction but they just melt it out, I wanted them to ZAP it out"

When getting directions, "Should I use my Gsp? (I think it was a joke trying to comment on the similar sound between esp and gps... not sure though)

When a commercial kept repeating "we can", he said (to the tune of ice cream ice cream we all scream for...)"WE CAN! WE CAN! WE ALL SCREAM FOR... ... DEATHcam" (I think he realized he had no joke there so sort of trailed off)

Finally, the worst. When we're pulling up to a state park, he's reading the signs that warn about rattlesnakes and scorpions. He leans in and says, "Hey, I've got a great survival tip" with a serious stern face, "Don't feed the rattlesnakes". Then cracks up with a silly laugh as if it's the funniest joke ever created. He realized that no one was laughing, so he thought if he repeated it a few times, it might get funnier. He continued throwing that joke out every time we got to a sign that had wildlife warnings. Seeing this strategy was failing to illicit any laughs, he decided to go with a new approach. He started saying "Don't feed the scorpions,"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Burge97
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call the god of melting ice?

Thaw

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uri_ZA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call melted ice cream?

Water cream.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/terozen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.