Ice Cream Melting Puns

Säagen-Dazs

Last night, here in Mississippi, when I was at dinner, I encountered the strangest woman. She would sip her drink so loudly you could hear it across the room. Then when her soup came out, she brought the bowl to her mouth and took long sips. Then even when they brought out her ice cream dessert, she waited for it to melt and proceeded to sip that too!
When I watched all of this transpire, all that I could think to myself was

"Wow that Miss is sippy."

Dad: Y'know, it'd be quicker if you drove, hur hur!

Or sometimes, Dad: I was gonna ask for ice cream, but if you're not driving, it'll be melted before you get back, hur hur!

Sadly, I've now started saying the first one. <crying>

So, we had some storms last night, and it knocked out much of the power around us, and the outages lasted throughout the day. My dad suggested that we get some ice cream after dinner:

Dad: "Do you want to go get some ice cream? I think they'll want to try and sell all their ice cream so it doesn't melt, like a clearance sale."

Me: "You mean a Liquidation?"

Note: Yes, I know the "dad joke" wasn't made by a dad, but at school, I've earned the nickname "Dad" for things like this, so I am proud.

My mom was showing him pictures of my cousin on her phone that had sent her pictures in front of a famous ice cream parlor back in our hometown. It was the parlor's 9th anniversary and my cousin was pictured in front of a big "9" in the store. My mom was explaining to my dad that the place had been open for 9 years and my dad replies with...

"Wow, that's impressive. How did they get the ice cream to not melt all this time?"

Some precursor- I'm 27, my girlfriend is 34; we visited my family who lives in another state this past weekend for easter. The last two days I started to write down every horrible attempt at a joke my dad did. So these were just the best of the last two days. Note that this was the first time my girlfriend had met them.

When watching a commercial on liposuction, "I was going to get liposuction but they just melt it out, I wanted them to ZAP it out"

When getting directions, "Should I use my Gsp? (I think it was a joke trying to comment on the similar sound between esp and gps... not sure though)

When a commercial kept repeating "we can", he said (to the tune of ice cream ice cream we all scream for...)"WE CAN! WE CAN! WE ALL SCREAM FOR... ... DEATHcam" (I think he realized he had no joke there so sort of trailed off)

Finally, the worst. When we're pulling up to a state park, he's reading the signs that warn about rattlesnakes and scorpions. He leans in and says, "Hey, I've got a great survival tip" with a serious stern face, "Don't feed the rattlesnakes". Then cracks up with a silly laugh as if it's the funniest joke ever created. He realized that no one was laughing, so he thought if he repeated it a few times, it might get funnier. He continued throwing that joke out every time we got to a sign that had wildlife warnings. Seeing this strategy was failing to illicit any laughs, he decided to go with a new approach. He started saying "Don't feed the scorpions,"

Water cream.