My co-worker may be a dad

I came into work today with a pretty noticeable sunburn.

Co-worker: "Happy Father's Day"

Me: "Why? You know I don't have any kids."

Co-worker: "Because it looks like you spent a lot of time with your sun yesterday."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bradlaaay
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 16 2014
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I think my co-worker may be a great dad one day.

I car pool with one of my co-workers and our conversation this morning went like this:

Me: "This job is just depressing. I know we work in IT and are secluded down in a basement but I would feel more cheerful if we were located in the office with WINDOWS..."

Him: "What are you talking about? We already are in an office with plenty of windows"

Me: "Huh?"

Him: "We work in IT. They're plenty of Windows to see."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CoreyLee04
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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Grocery delivery just dropped off this huge onion.

Picture of onion

I don't know what to do with it. I am going to cry.

That is so not appealing. I am left fuming. I may go into a vegetative state.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PerfectlyWorthwhile
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Slaying the New Generation

A younger co-worker just walked past my office and said "I'm so tired," to which I replied "Hello Miss Tired, may I call you 'So'"?
She was immediately in absolute hysterical laughter. I don't know how long it went on. She walked away and was still laughing until she was out of ear shot.
I'm starting to suspect she's drunk.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ReallyBigTurtle
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DontFuckWithMyMoney
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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