Mattress Jokes And Puns

My wife is always cold in bed and uses a heated mattress pad to keep her side so scalding hot you could fry eggs on it. And then she piles on a ton of blankets. And wears flannel pajamas. As she was climbing into bed last night I said:

me - I wish I was a dragon.

her - ::confused look::

me - So I could withstand the insane heat it would take to get you to sleep naked.

She laughed. But didn't get naked. Guess the joke was on me.

I had left work yesterday and she had told me she would make the bed. I came home last night and it wasn't made but she was already asleep.

In the morning I ask why she didn't make the bed when she said she would and she jokingly says, "the mattress threw a tantrum!"

I then say to her, "When you're disciplining your mattress you have to firm."

She groaned, I laughed, and I was proud. She never saw it coming.