TL;DR Most posts on here are about excessively messy or loud roommates, but this time, we're talking about a roommate who's excessively picky and won't let me be a human being.
A few months ago, I started to look for a new place to get away from a troublesome roommate who was actively gaslighting me. Eventually, I found a new place, and it was exciting because it was nearly half the price of my old place, and a third of the typical price for a studio in the neighborhood!
Well, when I toured the room, it became apparent why it was half the price: The "room" was actually about half of the unfinished basement, with curtains set up to subdivide the area. Nobody else would be living in the basement, but the homeowner would occasionally need to get down there to do some laundry or to access her stuff in storage. It was a tough decision, but after compiling a pros and cons list, I ultimately decided I would take it: She seemed like a nice lady, was referred to me by a family friend, and her occasional entry would be better than sharing a room with my old roommate.
Woo! It was great for a few weeks! Now, a month in, it's become clear we have a princess-and-the-pea situation.
Layout of the house:
The house is a two story, plus basement, design. The first floor is the shared space. It has an open kitchen, living room, and dining room all combined into the same space. It contains a full bathroom, which she designated as my bathroom, but mentioned that if she has guests over, that they'll use that bathroom. The second floor is her own space. I don't know what's up there. The basement, as described before, is split in half: Half of it is for me, and half of it is for laundry and various storage.
Day one:
The basement was a lot more moist than I remembered from the tour, which meant that I needed to purchase a dehumidifier. I quickly threw one onto my Amazon account, and waited for it to arrive. Away from my old roommate, I slept peacefully, until I was suddenly awoken halfway through the night. The sound of running water from a flushed toilet upstairs scared me awake. I calmed myself once I realized it was just the sewage pipes, but then, the stank of fresh poo hit my nose. I looked around, and realized that the smell was resulting from the laundry drain, which lacked a P-trap. I plugged the drain with a plastic bag, and let her know that I needed the drain fixed up the next day. It's been a month, and a P-trap still hasn't been installed in the drai
... keep reading on reddit β‘
Hey there!
This past week I launched a BLOG about my life being and adult living with Sensory Processing Disorder. I am going to be raw and 100% honest about my life with SPD. I want this to be a place where people can go to not feel alone, be encouraged, educated, etc...
I hope you check it out and I look forward being a part of this group.
...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.
They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big starchy chap, took the booze in his stride; while the little pea reacted to all the sugar and started to get a touch hyperactive.
At the end of the night, the three friends found themselves leaving a bar at the top of a tall hill, when all of a sudden the pea started bouncing up and down excitedly: "Lads! Lads! I've got a great idea! Weβre all vaguely round in shape, let's not get a cab home, let's just roll down the hill!" and before the others could protest he was off - shooting down the hill at a rate of knots.
The lemon lurched after him, but soon started listing violently from side to side as he went, owing to his oval shape, which did nothing for his unsettled stomach. With a sigh, the potato trundled along slowly behind.
By the time the potato had bounced his way to the bottom of the hill, the lemon was spewing lemon juice all over the pavement, but the pea was already jumping up and down again "that was great, that was great, let's do it again!".
The lemon was now chundering up pips with the acid, but the pea didn't seem to care "Come on! let's go again, that was great!".
The potato turned to him and said "Easy peasy, lemon's queasy."
EDIT: typo. Also, I donβt know if itβs the done thing to βthank you for the goldβ etc, but British politeness prevails: thanks for my first gold & silver!
Or as Arnold said in Pumping Iron, when asked about how much cow milk he drinks:
βI donβt drink milk. Milk is for babies.β
Seriously, switch over already. Dairy and veal industry are one and the same.
Edit: + coconut, hazelnut, hemp, and banana milk.
Edit 2: +pumpkin seed milk. u/carefreeteeny.
Anyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup.
Ever have a guest that you just can't please? That no matter what you do, not only is it inadequate, but it is literally the worst thing ever?
Tonight, gentle readers, we shall speak of the time my humble roadside inn was visited by nobility.
How do I know they were nobility? You may have heard the story that tells the best way to tell if someone is a princess by placing a single dried pea under twelve mattresses?
But I get ahead of myself. Our tale begins, as so many of them do, with a quiet night at the hotel. I have just finished my 11pm 'breakfast'^1 of delicious tacos, when the phone rings.
"Front Desk, Skwrl speaking, how may I help you?"
"What in the hell is wrong with your beds!? They're as hard as rocks!"
It should be known, gentle readers, that our beds are, in point of fact, extremely soft. Pillow-top mattresses, with an additional foam topper, making them a snuggly marshmallow of comfort. As cozy as a hug from grandma, without any lumps that can be felt by mere peasants.
"I'm sorry, did you say the bed is too hard? I've never had-"
"It's like someone stuffed a bunch of rocks in this thing! I am a With Whipped Cream And A Cherry On Top member, and you need to give me another room! One with a decent mattress so I can sleep!"
"Sir, while I understand you're upset, we are sold out tonight, I don't have any other-"
"Get me your manager."
"He's not available right now, but-"
"Then give me his phone number."
"I'm sorry, but I can't give out his personal number. If you want, I can give you his email add-"
*click* Huh. He hung up. Just as well, since a large family has come in while I was on the phone with the prince.
It takes some time to get them situated, as there is an issue with the authorization on their second room. As I am untangling the mess, the prince makes his noble entrance from the elevator. I can tell it's him because he's glaring at me and huffing as I check in the other guests.
Gentle readers, I have never seen someone glare with such furious determination and intensity before. Pure, malevolent hatred. Kind of unsettling, in a psychotic sort of way, you know?
Anyways, I finish checking the family in, as His Royal Highness is huffing and grumbling, tapping away at his phone.
I send the family along on their way with the usual pleasantries when another guest passes by the desk, "What time is breakfast in the morning?"
"EXCUSE ME I WAS NEXT I HAVE BEEN WAITING."
A bit taken aback by the prince's rudeness, I look
... keep reading on reddit β‘
- who post on social media
