Malcolm Ii Puns

Source: https://twitter.com/FantasyLabsNBA/status/1384981913987784705

Someone posted this a minute back and I'm proposing a second round. That being said....

A taxi driver decides to quit his job and open a cafe with a bunch of his mates and a midnight cowboy. One of them is named Jim Morrison who's wife is fucking Moe Szyslak, and one of them use to sleep with a hooker. A gay bank robber hates them and his TV, and along with his Indian friend and a serial killer try and stop the grand opening. There's a homeless guy who sleeps with little girls and a really shit rapper that had like two big songs. They all play pant ball to decide who cuts the ribbon.

There have been rumors of a possible expansion, so let’s imagine it does happen, but the NBA decides to only add one new team to the league (sorry Vegas), bringing back the beloved Seattle Supersonics. The Sonics are back babbyyyyyyyy!

Now the Sonics need to build their team from ground up, starting with the expansion draft, and following it with signing players in the off-season.

Here are some simplified terms of the expansion draft:

1. All 30 NBA teams will have the right to protect 8 players on their roster. Anyone on the current roster is protectable, including restricted free agents. If a restricted free agent is left unprotected by his former team, he is available for selection by the Supersonics, who would then hold his Bird Rights for the up-coming off-season. Teams will typically have 4-7 players unprotected. Unrestricted free agents can neither be protected from nor selected in the expansion draft -- they are essentially ignored.
   Players who are likely to be left unprotected by their former teams include aging, overpaid veterans, unproven bench players, players who do not fit in financially with their team, or who disrupt team chemistry.
2. The Sonics may only select 1 player per team.
3. The Sonics must work within 2/3 of the normal rules of the NBA salary cap, so there will be salary-related restrictions which apply to the team's selections. The team’s salary cap for the 2022-2023 season will only be 2/3 of the league cap (112.414 million), meaning 74.93 million. The minimum team salary is also 2/3 of the leagues' minimum team salary (101.173 million), meaning 67.449 million.
   The expansion draft occurs after the conclusion of the 2022 NBA Finals, but prior to the 2022 NBA Draft. The Sonics do not participate in the lottery, but automatically get the 5th and the 35th pick of the draft.
4. There are no restrictions on player positions during the draft.
5. The Sonics must select at least 14 players.
6. Here is a list of the players that each NBA team are, in my opinion, likely to protect, and a list of those who may be left unprotected (not all players are listed, but most of them, and all that have any chance of being drafted by an expansion team):

Atlanta Hawks:

Protected:

1. Trae Young
2. John Collins
3. Clint Capela
4. Kevin Huerter
5. De’Andre Hunter
6. Onyeka Okongwu
7. Bogdan Bogdanovic
8. Cam Reddish

Unprotected (Salary this year, Years left on the contract)

1. Jalen Johnson (2.6 million, 3 years)

Game Summary

Line Score

Team Stats

Team Leaders

Player Stats

Do your worst!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

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