In honor of Pride Month, and me officially coming out to my family, I’d like to make a gay joke
But my parents already did 🤪
Well at least she tried….. but she cARRRRRHn’t make me laugh.
My husband told me that for Christmas I should make a wreath out of $100 dollar bills
I switched to a wine that doesn't make me urinate.
Science puns make me numb
But math puns make me number.
You'll probably hate me for this, but it has gone too far. Maybe someone has said it already, but I'm still gonna say it to make a point.
My dad just said to me, “I was going to make alligator for dinner”
“But then I remembered we only have a Crock Pot”
My new dentist called me to say that he needs to make another mold of my teeth.
He ..made a terrible first impression.
If my lady is a prize, what does that make me?
Math jokes make me mad…
but physics jokes make me madder.
I showed my wife a technique I learned for tying two ropes together. She proceeded to make out with me wildly.
The problem is, I can’t tell whether she loves me or she loves me knot.
I prayed that God would give me the strength to be a better singer and make great songs.
I got a new Samsung for Christmas.
I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday, and she said " nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace"
my wife didn't believe me when I said I was going to make a bicycle out of macaroni.
You should have seen her face when I cycled pasta!
Puns about the word "one" make me numb.
But jokes related to "two" make me even number.
Days like this make me wish I had listened to what my mother told me all those years ago.
Why, what did she tell you?
I have no idea, I wasn't listening...
My wife told me I’d never make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
Someone told me that it’s impossible to make a pun about vegetables.
I said that’s not nececelery true.
my wife said she'd leave me if I didn't make an effort to end my infatuation of Neil Diamond and his songs.
the doctor tells me "Here's the baby. I'm sorry your wife didn't make it."
I replied, "well give me the one that she did make!"
Out of nowhere, my wife asked me if I knew how to make German sausages.
It was the wurst conversation starter.
I always make sure that carry chewing gum with me,
but when I go to parties, I make sure to bring Extra
My mother tried to make me stop telling dad jokes
I told her she couldn't stop me because I'm a groan man.
I went to the hospital the other day because my wife was giving birth. The doctor came out of the room, handed me a baby and said “I’m sorry— your wife didn’t make it.”
I said, “Okay, could you give me the one my wife made?”
A date told me she wanted to make artwork inspired by her pets
I told her to dip her cat in paint and if it rolls around on a canvas, call it a Catson Pollock.
I was checking various springs for a project at work. I told my coworker "If you roll them across the table it will make a good snack." He just looked at me with a WTF face...
I told him "What? You never ate Spring Rolls?"
My friends always make fun of me for shaving my upper body,
But I'm not bothered. We have the right to bare arms.
the pattern took me so long to make...
My doctor told me not to make sandwiches myself any more ...
... so I hired a sub contractor.
Lobotomies make me feel a bit
My son had to write down this joke he came up with while he was at school, so he could tell me later. Reworded to make sense.
What does the offspring of a cow & sheep tell his girlfriend?
"I love you to the moooooon and baaaack"
I had commissioned a sculptor to make a full body statue of me, but they ended up only getting my head.
I guess it was all just a bust.
My General who had a limp told me we should make up nick names so the enemy won't know our true identities
"Copy that, Snipers Nightmare" I said
My girlfriend bet me I couldn’t make a racing car out of spaghetti…
You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta
I used this face cream that was supposed to make me look 20 years younger.
I’ve got a condition which causes me to make terrible puns.
It’s a dad-ly disease.
Happy Father’s Day to all the dads that get me though my day to day life, without you Dad Jokes wouldn’t mean a thing 😉
"people who make grammatical errors all the time make me"
I couldn't think what present to get my wife for her birthday, so I asked her. With tears welling in her eyes, she replied, "oh darling, nothing would make me happier than some diamond earrings".
Puns make me numb
Mathematical puns makes me number
I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace!”
Science jokes make me numb
But math jokes make me number
Most of the puns on this sub make me numb
But math puns make me number.
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