Mainely Puns

OR IS IT JUST ME?

That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.

Miracle grow and fix a flat

…to make hens meet.

And then he vanished, without a tres.

Patience

But Patrick is the star.

Ganondorf, because they both enjoy "killing young links".

Now it's an amputree!

I guess congratulations are in order, because I’ve played myself.

Marriage

Which to be honest I think is a pretty mean way to refer to our city council, however dull they may be.

Oh sorry, “SPOILERS A HEAD”

An electric sock!

Me: Ok, and for the main course?

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

But after our 4th child got run over, we decided to move into a house.

A Deus Fax Machina, if you will.

Must be the lack of fans.

In fact, I think he may have been Joaquin.

What can I say, I knead the dough

I had Sky Walker soup. Wookie steak and Death Star ice cream.

The starter and the dessert were lovely, but the main course was a bit chewy.

It was a pinto.

They even got a new actor to play the main role: Guy Gadot.

Edit: spelling

A main part of my body is called the nervous system

And then import.

Eyewitnesses say the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler.

but I just wasn't suited for it...mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

Eruptile Dysfunction.

When he saw the main course, he sure looked steamed!

Help a homie out!

Autobiography

Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine

It's a Pride Parade.

But really, it's music that causes gun violins

...with pork is that it sometimes tastes like chicken, and that seems fishy.

This is mainly because lightning can't run

That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.